Is it a true win if your own Mama helps your own daughter and yet? Causes a rift in the family? Is it a win that your own Mama can love your children and struggles to display unconditional love to her own daughter?
Is it a win if your own Mama drive right past your home and goes to see a cousin she did not even tell of your birth and causes a rift in a true connection? And cause that cousin to distrust her new found cousin that your own Mama God from her view? Is that a win?
Who’s winning? Because if everyone not winning it is a loose all around. And that is the point of my communications. To show my own Mama how she’s her own worst enemy. It’s not me. I’m just her daughter who has loved her despite her cruel actions against her own flesh and blood.
She’s stabbed at herself, thinking it was me. And I have paid my loving attentions as she’s torn and torn herself apart in the name of love.
I remember the day she told me I was a horrible mother. I remember thinking, “the pot calls the kettle black now doesn’t she?” Who
- Abandoned who dear woman?
- It was not me.
- You abandoned the you that made me.
- And I accepted that action
- And returned and loved you anyway
For me. I win. Each day as I love a woman that can’t love her whole self. Each night as I lie down and love her in my dreams or a day when she will finally see herself in me. Starring back with love.
All she sees now is yourself and her deeds done to a child who grew from an action she chose to take. Why was she in that car the night I came to be-Linda? She could have been anywhere.
My father did not force her into the back or front seat? For I have looked into the eyes of that man with the same blue eyes I see with. And I saw love looking back at what was made. I saw care. I saw sorrow for years lost and a child he didn’t get a chance to know.
I saw myself. Standing tall. Gorgeous. Calm. And mild. Holding my hands while I prayed for us both. I saw acceptance. And I received a blessing my Mama can’t seem to give to herself.
I wonder? Does she feel like a winner? Family all cut up sisters divided. Cousins cut off?
I wonder does Gran Gran really see us winning? When her own granddaughter can own what was made? Reading scriptures all day and yet lacking the actions that bring faith alive?
Is my own Mama really living? Or has she died from lack of faith? As I pound her heart like a divine EMT to make it beat again for me.