I’ve had to live with that truth since birth. Losing is a fact here on earth. And I lost com the gate. And I came to win. Which is a big flip Swift mindset challenger.
Like? I was saying what? So soon? No!! I only got nine months with the bitch?? We just got started and now it’s over? Ugh. This sucks.
Like she don’t want me? What? No. Excuse me? Hello? Say that again? No. Don’t. It hurts me much. Like that feels stabby. On my mind and my heart. Ouch. Oh my god!! What the hell is this feeling?!!!! No.
My little mind was angry. Like this mind fucking has got to stop!
But? It did not. And it just kept at me. Like some damn nagging pain. All over. Yuck.
I laugh at the stories of me stealing beer from the keg orator. Yes. I wanted medication to help me ease what’s was paining me and no one seemed to even see? Thanks guys!! Nice.
Dealing with a knife buried into my soul that no souls wants to even see? No. No. I would be fine after such a lancing. Of course I would! Oh. They all seemed to know me.
Or did they? Who are they? My Mama that seemed to think this was such a great fun idea. So seriously she was soooo responsible. Dotting the i’s and crossing those t’s. But who back in the day could even know how I the subject of this horrible genicide. Fuck spelling. Figure it out damn all of you. I had too.
No. I’m not angry. You are at seeing me like this and having to read these words from the life book you all helped me write. Guess y’all thought I was a loonie dumb thing to think that I would not even notice? The subtraction of my own Mama? How god damn dumb is that? Dumb as fuck.
So loosing my Mama changes how I look at everything. It’s makes me anxious and weary. So much I trained my kids like the damn military!! Trained them about death early. Yeah. My kids would not get hit in the head like their Mama. Like some frying pan experiences. Blam. Blam. That is how it feels.
Fuck your ideas. Not fuck your. There is a diff. Grow the fuck up. I was trained to change. Adapted. And handle losses alone. Fuck you fluffy bullshit stories. Like shit gets real.
Why escape it? I couldn’t? I was forced by my Mama to face it when she cut me loose. Why is that so bad and hurtful to all the babies all grown still sucking on their Mamas nipples? You are blessed. Best remember that cam change in an instant.
And you may never get her back. And she is gone are possibilities. How will we handle it? I know how I did. And fuck anyone that tries to tell me I was crazy to do it like that? Hello? I was given no other choice then to adapted as best I could to a loss no one wants to face at two days? In the game? Fuck you lousy ass lazy people.
Excuse me. Excuse you.
If we want this place to be better. We have got to face our fails and make them wins. If we don’t wanna have to read or be faced with stories like mine and my friends? Where ever the hell they are? Probably waiting for me to come out with it and pull my mind together.
We all got kind of scattered. And that’s what this does to a person. Scattered my mind. Ripped and stretched my mind to stay connected to my Mama. Yeah. I am the proof.
And excuse me for rinsing my mouth out so many times on here. But I picked up a lot of shit along my way to me. Being expected to adapt to such a change and no emotional support or recognition was a bit much. I adapted as best as a child left to herself could do.
If your not ok with the outcome? Adapt.
Like I did. It’s not about the difference. Cuz yes. There are many. It’s about where do we connect.
Everyone’s lost something or someone. There. That’s the middle ground. And I write this as the middle child in both side of my biological family. I think? I know. So maybe listen and learn.
So children can have better. It’s not about the challenges. It’s about where can we connect so we can all rise from the challenge with victory. Where is the win win?
I’m a winner. So if you don’t see that in me? That’s on you. Not my shit. If you don’t like how I saw it? To bad. You don’t get to tell me what I saw and felt. Own your own shit.
I’ve owned mine