This reading is showcasing what I the peacock am doing to eradicate and restore balance to both my Mamas bound at the hip.
It’s not about cutting out people. No no no. It’s about cutting out the old ways of thinking about what Adoption meant to both my one aide Mamas thought.
They each had their views. Separate. And yet together we all worked for me to grow up strong and useful. And lady’s. I’m useful. Helpful. Forthright. And solid.
Just being torn apart by two woman that have not seen the light of my day dawning. Caught in nightmare that made no sense. Until now. Until I added what’s been invisible between their lines. What I work to do is to wipe the slate clean. Tick all the boxes. And turn on all the lights so? We can see each other most clearly as partners in the crime of the century. Telling Adoption! And the rules laid down back in 1963? We don’t need you anymore.
We’ve got a new game? And new rules. And I am the right hand break turn agent for this new day. I the prodigal child now stand at the end of the road with my lantern turned up and all the lights on in the house. I stand with everything I’ve got laid on my table. For a feast like no other after a long walk down a dark and gloomy hallway God calls a Valley of the shape of death. The death of an old dream and way. So that the new way and dream may be born.
And I hate confrontation!! But I hate being cut off even more. I hate each day that goes by and I see Mama Jean wrestle with the fact that my Mama won’t see her in me, as she worries that she was not enough or that she did right by Mama and me? And it makes me cry. Cuz Mama Jean cane cry anymore. I won’t have it!
It’s about clarity. Crystal clearly seeing through what was a veil and now is face to face. Love is coming at Mama and she act like it’s a demon and that’s wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I will not have this. No. Mama in her right mind would not want us like this. So that means she’s gone left and needs me to guide her back. Back to centered thinking. Back to her heart space where I live.
Also. Not the card with the woman on top of what looks like a lava rock person. That’s you on top of Mama Jean Mama. Codependent on each other and so unaware of your affect in me. The child now woman in between trying to be seen. I know what I need. And I know what you both need. Which is me. Happy.
I so play can’t be happy like this. With us like this. With Chelsie gone. With the family torn apart. Mama Jean always said, ” everything in its place, so then we can find it easily”. We are out of place in reference to each other.
I may be crazy? But I’m crazy genius. Working on ya being friends. That’s all I desire. That’s all I’ve dreamed of my whole life. My Mama to see them selves as friends and to be? Friendly.
I love you Mama. That’s much.