I wish I could say

That Adoptions had a wonderful affect on my family. I’d love to be able to say with glee that Adoptions made us a stronger unit and that everyone in the family is closer because of it.

Ever since I dared to find my own Mama, life taken on a cruel note of exclusivity and blocking seems to be the way of my people. Very interesting indeed to witness. Yes. Quite intriguing.

I’d love to report that my finding were different than what I’ve reported. Oh yes. I would. That probably why I have not given up on these two broads? Like some younger coach poking them and prodding them to go higher and reach further into their own bags of goodies to get past their own shit to see adoption like I do.

Some people like their heads in the sand I guess I come by it twice. Don’t blame me for being off in my head lady’s. Look at yourselves and maybe? Let me just be now that I’ve punked you at your own game. Guess you all though you knew it all. And I was just your pawn.

Leave me out in the lurch. Leave me out in the cold. It’s just lovely. Just lovely. Seeing you both acting the way you do after sooooo much of doing what was best for me.

Let’s see? My youngest daughter now doesn’t talk to me? Of course. That’s allll my fault. Of course. I learned everything all on my own. Of course I did. Not one of you taught me anything? Let alone lied to me. No. You two are blameless. Spotless. Covered in my blood of atonement.

Adoptions fabulous. Right? Linda? Just bake a bun and throw it to someone else? Right? Your just a oven. Right? I’m just a loaf of bread? And Jean? Just another oven to burn me to a crisp? Or what? Did I miss something neither of you have even said to my face? Have I missed something lady’s?

Maybe? I missed the truth? Yeah. What a concept. What an idea? Tell the truth? Oh my!! How can you? So tied up in your own lies you both can’t even see me. Hello? Remember me? The child this was supposed to help? So helpful. Loveliness.

I wish I could say that I love having to give all my friends a play list of people’s names and information just to keep up with my story. So fun. Labels are so much fun. I’ve got a lot of labeling experience for sure.

Just trying to share my story gives me a head ache and the people I talk to? Their brains hurt too. Trying to keep up with the players in my double whammy Adopted bullshit lifestyle where no one speaks of it! Shhhhhhhhh. Don’t upset the mother units! They might get upset? No. Don’t upset them. They don’t like it and will make you pay. Dearly for speaking up. Yes they will.

Your job little girl is to deal with it. And to take it. Their shit that is. And smile and parade around like some circus poodle when cued. Make them proud now!! Go get them poodle. But don’t ask for more. They won’t give it to you. Because it wasn’t about you at all. You just got caught in the crossfire of two woman who didn’t appreciate what God gave them.

Jean? Now wishes she could just be alone and that I would go away? Hmmm? So touching. And tender. Lovely. And Linda? Blocks and abandons like a machine gun. Nice. I love being Adopted. Because now I know the truth.

And this truth? Will save some people from going down this fucked up road? I don’t know how? But this story will rock this planet. Why? Because God cares for the children more than these two woman do in their perfect lies. Pretending it’s all ok. When it’s clearly not.

It’s made me sick. And now I’ve seen it all.

Not sure they will like their report cards. I know I don’t like mine after being lead my these lunatics. Maybe? Just maybe? If I abandon them I might get my life back on track?

It’s worth a try. I’m so over this shit show.

And people can judge me. But remember. We judge ourselves. But I’ve got to let go of them both. So they both will loose. Thanks Chelsie for showing me how. 💋

by the way. This is how I am cleaning out the trash I swallowed believing two liars. They both made a liar out of me. Thanks lady’s!! Girl power all the way! Not.

Don’t worry lady’s. And family. I’ll encourage myself. Thanks!

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