Yes family. Your all crazy for not even knowing what I’ve shared with you about the flip side, my side of the adoption triad. Are you all so quiet because the cats got your tongue? Or is it because your chewing the juicy steak I shoved into your mouths?
Call me crazy? Oh please 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I eat that kind of shit talk all day! And teach folks better. You all seem to have forgotten our Mamas dark side? Her back side? Waking up is hard to do. Especially when everyone around you sleeps in ignorance.
Mama knows what I say is truth. How? Because she’s lived a lie. My whole life. As if I never was and yet so deeply connected to me still. My presence back in her life has shifted her gears. You know? The ones in her mind? Integration baby. Of me back online in her mind.
Listen. God has tested me about my love for these two woman? I give back what I got. Mama? Gave all. She gave me. To another woman to raise as, as her own? I am no ones but mine. And yet have chosen to obey My Mamas wishes to the damn tea! To the beat of my abilities in the face of such loss. Fearlessly loved folks that other folks feel don’t deserve it fearless. Take them into my home kind of love.
Can any of you even say that? You can’t even call me? My kids help more people? Thank god they listened to my life as they watched me lead them. As Mama has lead you all.
I’m gonna keep pointing towards her. Because she’s the reason why I am this strong. Strong enough to let her sit down and let me deal with it. Capricorn style. Business of healing mode. With a wicked mind that’s like a steel trap. And rules by God.
Call me crazy? Call Mama crazy. And call God crazy! And yourselves crazy. That’s how the crazy circle goes. I’m standing beside you all pointing the crazy out! Remember. Mama sent me forward. To now drag your faithless asses forward. Mamas no fool except to take a chance on me getting what she needed and bringing it back to her.
To explain. Is to teach. Is to give our Mama the info to change the narrative of her past so that she could and will change and accept her new narrative. The new script was always within me. I’m a piece of her. A key piece. And you all need to get that for real.
Yes. I’ve mothered my children with tough love. Did you expect that I would be all soft? After Mama sent me away to learn? Took her comfort from me. God took my comfort from me through her. Get this right in your minds. No calling home on that shit. But you all get too? Don’t you? Hmmmm?
What’s the lesson here?
Who’s the enemy now? Where is the crazy now? Inside the minds that hold onto a clearly obsolete script after 20+ years of expiration. Of that food? It’s ruined. That script is dead and rotten. I killed that thing when I prayed to god and ask if I should go home and God said yes.
And let’s get this clear. I came home with babies in my arms filled with love for your asses! Yeah. Who planters that love? Who tended that love? Me and God. Who would do such a crazy thing? Me. Linda Marie’s love child. That’s who. A damn good daughter who never forgot her roots went deep and spanned states though time and space. Connected to her Mama. Who prays, people?
Did my children know who she was? And run up to her at her first meeting and embrace her with such a force of love? Hell yes they did. Cuz I prepared the soul and the soil! Told them all about her. And she thought I hated her? Lordy Jesus. People be tripping over yesterdays trash.
Mamas hated herself long enough about me. I come home with love all up in this shit! And Mamas gonna think I hate her? Oh no! No. No. No. that’s will not do. Not for my Mama. Might take me a minute to figure out what to do? 20+ years Imagine? Might look crazy? But so did All magicians and preachers that speak words to help folks minds get free to revive love.
Does no one really believe in prayer anymore? Thank you Mama for not listening to that mess? My life is a prayer. I talk to god this universe all day long. Asking for clarity and purpose. Thanks to a praying Mama. Energy is transferred through prayer. And Mama loaded me up. Cuz she knew she was gonna need me to slap her hard. To wake her up.
Tap. Tap. After this long would not do. She needed a good hard does of love to bust up all that anger and sadness about me. You all are like? You? Who are you😭? Who does she think she is? I’m Bee Linda Jean? If you have t notice the names? I’m my Mamas girl? At one time I was a bit of a daddy’s girl? It’s a fantasy. Cus neither of them fathers really showed up. Like my Mamas did.
The cheer goes as I can remember it?
My name is Belinda.
I’m number one.
My reputation has just begun.
Oooh? You think you bad?
Corrections baby I know I’m
I’ll turn around.
Touch the ground
And freak back down
Freak back down.
Should I be cheering any other cheer? When my own baby taught me that? No. She believes in me. So I cheer myself on. And on. And on.
She will cheer herself on. And on. And on.
Like a perfect echoing of cheerleaders back and forth. Just like my Mamas prayers and mind back to her.
I know I make Mama laugh and cry like no other courts jester. A sure shot of funny bone and truth serum. A medicine.
She forgot herself. And I’m bringing the funny back into my Mama like no other as I touch the ground and twirl around and freak back down. Freak back down. Cheering her up and out of an old rut of a way that’s in our way.
A divinely guided waste manager. We ain’t throwing this shit out? We burning it down. To the ground. Gonna watch the smoke twirl around. And freak back up. Freak back up.
I’ve got the keys Mama. Jesus gave them to me. Did you think god didn’t hear you calling all day about me? Writing about me? Worried and praying about me? Seriously?
God is the god that lit the fire on top of a mountain Mama? Water all over the altar? Wet wood. No matches. Just some crazy man? Willing to believe for the fire laughing at the people calling on god’s made of stone and bullshit.
All I can say it god got the messages. Then gave them to me. And wow. You’ve been praying Mama. Cuz I felt it. The prayers of the righteous availeth much. Guess you thought I was blind? Could see God moving in my life? And that my Mama was praying my cover over me? 🤣🤣💋
Didn’t think god would clean up this connection quite like this? We don’t get to tell god how. We get to pray and ask. I don’t even get to get out of the how. You prayed. I’m selected to answer. I know my mission Mama. Do you? Now?
hmmm? 2012? Was the year I began to show my parents completely my honor publicly.
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
To be able to love and honor your parents means everyone got to come out of the closets. I have loved each parent equally and yet differently. That’s no small feat. Knowing that as I loved those I was placed with, that I was loving my own parents beyond what they could even dream of being loved like.
Knowing that as my parents who raised me loved me back, that they loved my parents in me as well. The perspective of a person given away is quite precise. Our lives are important. So important the law got involved to assure our survival. So important that strangers help Mama when her own family did not. No shame. Just facts.
I know I wasn’t supposed to be raised by her. She wanted better and different for my life. And so she got that and now learns what that different is and can rejoice. Hopefully all the pain has been washed away of yesterdays scripting and lack of scripting to show the new way is clear.
That my own Mama see her answered prayers everyone. That she prayed for me. And God answered.