You know? It’s hard being missed.

Growing up knowing I mean the world to my Mama. And that deep inside her she missed me. That she had a itch she could not scratch without me? It’s rough?

Sure? I know. Everyone told me Mama didn’t care. And they meant it. Those poor people had no faith in their own DNA? Even though their Mamas love them? They think their Mamas hate them? I can see the flip side. Yes if I turn my head upside down? But why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Would I do that? Why? Is that the truth?

It’s not. The truth. I do think I know my own Mama. Thank you. Please step aside. Thank you.

I don’t know what happened? But I’ve heard a lot through this grapevine. It’s looks like you did too. But Mama this has been a private line between me, you and God until now. Every one else is now crazy. Not us. We got it right and it’s time they all adjust. To the facts. And begin acting According to what’s been being recorded for all God to see about we? 🎬

Right here on this blog. I’ll tell all. This is the real dish on me and my Mama. Love strong enough to love and stranger and extra to give back to Mama. Yeah. That love on this table. Come and look!! Look!

God used me to prepare Mamas table. After the valley of the shadow of our deaths. Her harvest has come home to with horns of plenty. And spoils. Animals and woman and men Devoted. To loves war. Won by an orphan.

God does use the foolish things to confound the wise.

I really don’t know why I love my Mama so. Quit asking me. And leave us alone about it. It’s amazing. And I personally want to enjoy it.

But I know she’s missed me with each breath she takes in. As sure I I live she loves me. She could never forget me screaming. It’s ok Mama. I made it. Now rest please that mind of yours. I’m here now that’s all that really matters.

We made it through our own review. Love won it all. We overcame it all. And still love each other in our own new way. We both have a place for our love to go now. Sounds corny? But I think no? It’s sweet? All that was in the way?

And we processed a grief no one could even see? Together. Here. I know. It blew my mind too. But you still showed up as best as you could and God did take you just as you are. Like the song. Just as I am without one plea.

This is the work to reap our reward. As I’ve spoken the old truths told me, like birds they have flown from my mind, and space opened up. It’s like the world crammed me full of shit. And just brought it to you to look at. And examine. Like I have examined it? The things people say when your Mamas not around? Shocking.

It’s a very low flying under belly kind of sustain for Mother’s that I’ve had to look at. And all Bio Moms need to know they are under scrutiny from the masses. Let me be the first to report it. People talk trash about ya! I saw it. And had to hear it. So yes. Like a good girl. I’m gonna tell ya all about it. And watch you fall out of your rockers. There’s a lot of ideas about what you did.

And we all need to accept that and learn about all of it. So we can do better there seems to be a lot of pain involved. That would be a good indicator of an mental adjustment needed about it? Can so many grown adoptees being lying about the pain? Should we not address that? And look to the research that backs it? And adjust our thinking about family units and support methods?

Don’t worry Mama. This ain’t a swift kill. I want Adoption to suffer and die in agony and yet live. Like I had to for you. I want everyone who’s helping with this industry to be marked. Exposed for what they are doing to people. Not just children. It’s Hitler all over. You can’t kill an idea. You have to educate it out of insistence.

Adoptees are the new Jews. And I am a holocaust survivor. No mother doesn’t miss her child. NOT EVEN MINE.

Get that straight right now. I’m done.

People trying to tell me my Adoptive Mom is the only Mom now? She gets all the credit? Bullshit. Not even. They both count in my book of records. They stand even. Having given.

So that Mama can’t talk to me don’t count against her. But no I don’t like it. I get it, I was like that too. She’s not alone now going through it. And Mamas had a long time to think up her demons and to look at her challengers. The devil in her own detail and make up and who trained her. She did the best she could with what was given to her at the time. Little support. None from outside. I had to go.

That truth haunts her. And she needed someone to say it out loud or? Write it all down. So she could see all those demons chasing her thoughts into tangles, so bad when love came to call she got all derangled. Details no longer relevant to our saga. Long relished. No longer satisfied Mama. She needed a new library inside her mind about it all. With all of her questions and demons turned back into angels. Her baby still loves her and this ain’t no damn fable.

It’s my truth.

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