Roger for me would have been my Grandfather. But he never helped Mama? And he might have even encouraged her to let me go? My Grandma said she was not happy about it. But alas. At the time? I was still waking up and didn’t even think to ask about him. Damn it all?
I think I’ll start writing a list of helpful info that helps lay out minds to rest. A list of all the questions waiting for answers from our parents and family’s.
When I break through with my own Mama? A list would be hopeful because it is overwhelming and emotional and yet we do need the answers and a list would help us all focus. Since focusing is a difficulty due to trapped unprocessed feelings of grief in each of us who have never even had access to therapy.
This is my therapy plan. And of course. I do want to help make this more stream line and to establish new norms for the process. What’s abnormal for those kept us normal for us and we do need to establish our base line in the developments.
When. We reunite. Our Developmental stages begin to change and we begin to grow up beyond adoptions bubble mentality. And after contact. We go through the stages of development that were denied due to lack our own Mother and family? I mean people? I was still in many ways still a child? And adoption inhibits our mental expansions and development of certain areas of the brain. It’s like the brain just shuts down and we are running on survival mode.
This is what I can put to words. And I get better each day at really defining what my brain was like? After contact. All my love had somewhere to go. Why was it trapped? Why did I feel? Stunted or inhibited? Did I make this up? No?
I’m just now old enough and mature enough to take the time to price the words together to provide a map of where it hit me in my mind. It hit hard. And it hit fast. Like a bullet to the brain. Like a snap! To my mind. A chain reaction that had a lasting unpack on my mental well being. Of course? I lost my Mama?