I’ve been stressed. Due to holding a lot. In.

There comes a dime when you have to lay down all that has been a burden to you.

Many conditions in my life have burdened me. The conditions of the way my life had to be lived burdened my heart. It’s a heavy weight to bare when you’ve been left alone with strangers.

What we don’t take into account and I am mentioning here is the instincts power to dictate the way you react, and how instinct can override conditions and conditioning to find the bliss. The body knows what the mind can not see.

It’s stressed me out that I had to wait 30 years? To meet my own Mama. Yeah. Will she like me? Damn it she should? I’m her daughter? What state of mind will I find her in? Stress. Will I be enough? Questions I must face before I face them. To be ready. She may reject again?

And instincts take over. Slowly. Prayerfully. Methodically. You hunt your prey. Like an animal. But not to eat. Only to savor moments remembered growing inside her. Oh how you love her. Will time have taught her? Will she be ready? Am I ready? No. But no ones ready to go home after so long?

The stories we tell ourselves after the tower. Do they match after reunions? It is an unwrapping? Of panic? Stress of rejections wounding onto the self. She’s in pain. I can feel it. Keep going. God’s speed is with you. You will save the Queen. God speed dear one. You will succeed.

My queen bids me to hunt her through her minds brambles. She Draws me in closer to see. The door within her that’s marked for me. Like Alice in wonderland sillies? Can’t you see? She lived on Cheshire in my own dreams? She’s instinctual too and has lived in places I knew.

She flows through my mind like every other Mama does. I just own it. Is it crazy to love your First Lady? Maybe? I’d rather be crazy then.

Because if loving you isn’t right? I’d rather go left. Cuz love like this ain’t wrong at all. It’s the world that paints it this way and that. I’m a daughter strong and proud of her Mama’s walk. It’s not been easy for her.

She just did not realize all the condition places on us both? She’s seeing it now. Yes. Through me. Angles a plenty Mamas on the mountain top now looking at it all. No longer in some cave of unknowing. This light of her new day is dawning.

Being blindsided is the worst! I should know.

And my homeward bound alarm went off immediately. No doubts. Go home. Seek home.

I think Hod brought me home to tell her all this messy story to show her how precious she is to me. Yeah. I do. The answer to what happened.

And the acceptance of it all. It’s key to move on. Our story is strong. And I breakable bond.

That stress could not break.

Advertisements

psychecafe

I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

Submit a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s