Spotting trauma has not really been that hard. I’ve always known I took a hit. That something changed for me. And that my mind and words were not like other kids. My words seemed to cut, whether I wanted to cut or not, away at things in people’s minds. My words seemed to be like a light and a scalpel that would just light up someone trauma, and I would show them and then cut and splice the nural pathway and sauder it to form a better connection and leave the person calm and a bit healed in some way.
Maybe I died the day Mama left? And maybe it’s God in here? Peek a booing through this body given up for a higher good, as of to say hello? I see you? I’m in this woman here, she died long ago, but I live in her. This body’s life has been a progression of surrenders to the divine? As I’ve been called deeper and deeper into ministry.
Mama Jean had surgery yesterday. While she? Was under the knife? I was at a crystal shop. Just grounding my energies and following some really good advice to go there from my eldest daughter, who knows me well. The place I went to is in Marysville. The link is below. The woman who owns this place is an amazing soul. And when I am stressed and facing the possibility of facing the possibility of death? I go to work I guess? Helping folks. And God just send me to place like this and then I run into a soul who’s having a ptsd moment.
Trauma is all around. And when you have experienced trauma? Yourself? You are very well aware, whether you are conscious of it or not, when someone’s lit and crying for help.
And that happened yesterday in that shop. God is everywhere. When you are aware of your own gifts and allow God to use them.
These two young woman came into the shop. I was getting ready to leave. I’d only been there a minute and was getting antsy. I do get impatient. Even if God uses me. And if I am introspective? I really think it more like anxious. Like an animal before a storm. It’s like my instincts kind of know, I’m not there for the crystals. I’m there for the demons. Which is kind of a scary idea for some? But not Jesus? Who went to the cemetery to help a guy calm down all lit up in his demons? Thoughts.
And these too woman were covered in them, like fleas. And in so much pain. And she began to talk. Not making much sense at first to anyone but me? I just listened as she was barfing, crying, wrenching, feeling so bad and not knowing why? And everyone else was trying to put makeup on her booboos and think they would go away? But not me. I could see beyond her words. I knew her cry? I’d cried like that before. Hating myself. It brought up all my Mama pain notes. And I just took her to the door of her trauma. With my Mama trauma. I held her hand, giving her comfort in a public place about as I walked and introduced her to her own thoughts and heart.
And we got to the root of it. With love. She gushed to me. I sorted with her and tagged each one. Kisses it lovingly with words of acceptance. It’s wasn’t easy to do. Because her friend was lit too. And very sensitive. But by the time I was through they both knew something had changed for them both. It’s like, “oh? Your alarm systems on babe? Ok. Let’s just get it out, yes, I know. You’re off course with yourself. I’ll walk you back. We can meet the demons then. After we just open this door into you. I am you honey. It’s ok. I won’t let you down. Hold my hand for a minute here. While I walk you through.”
When you are lost in yesterday’s thoughts. And we all do it. Don’t even try to lie? Affirmations are like paint on a rusty price of metal, if you don’t tend to your demons, call them like puppies all rowdy, and feed them people? You think? “Feed them?”, “Why ever would I feed a demon?”,”denomination are bad aren’t they?”
Well? That one of the things that changed for me when Mama left me and her demons that fateful day? I was introduced to them all. And I’ve had to get to know them for years and pay attention to them like yapping dogs directing me back to Mama? Yeah. Sounds crazy, but when I’m done explaining it? You’ll change you mind about that demon? Crazy is her name in my case? Yeah. She’s a demon all right. Crazy is as crazy does is her motto. Albert Einstein was once beloved crazy? Ahead of his time. They call that and forerunner. He didn’t have a very stupendous life? All of his siblings disabled? Yet he got past the labels?
Hero’s are crazy at some point? Dashing into a fire and saving a child? Crazy. Right? Well, Crazy taught me a lot. She’s pretty cool if you ask me? I have actually walked in hot coals and burned my feet? As a child? And I live to tell the story. And watch people cringe? As I even tell it. Walking on hot coals from last nights bonfire. I learned something at seven? About hot coals. I used that lesson to teach my own children about hot things early so they could avoid my lesson.
When life seems to not run on a time line? And swirls all around you? When you realize that life in a swirl and that we live on a ball. You simplest realize life is a raveling and an unraveling all at once. And that visiting the graves of old memories is just paying respects to the lesson. But we can’t visit the grave, unless there is a death to the memories and the demons we faced for those hard lessons that won you so much meat to feed on and share.
I’ve been tried by fire. My demons get fed daily. As I pull fleas of thoughts off folks that can’t see for the weeds? What the root is? I listens first, allow my demons to feed, and then I speak and feed theirs and quiet the noise of alarmed and upset starving demons. Warning. Move. Leave. Go. Stop. Get up. Change. Do it for yourself there is a reason behind the demons. Fear is not of God. Demons are just Hungry Angels we’ve been starving and not listening to.
Because fear is a body response. Fear is what we call excitement too. Instinct kick in when we need to do, something. Fear comes when we deny ourselves what our body knows we need. This woman’s angels were starving. She needed first, unconditional l love. Acceptance that she herself was ok, but that her body was needing some love. Stuck like a robot in a corner all alarms on full alert for love and someone to clean of the fleas. Calm the demon dogs that were just very hangry angels. And I had the goods baby.
When an angel realizes, oh, we made it to the destination for a feeding? Oh yeah! Like Neo. I picked up the phone. She cried and I told her that crying is the bodies response to toxins. That she was ok. Just purging. I told her that she was just not in position. In her mind. She need to make a move and be ok with that move. All I did was take her mumblings and spoke them back to her in clear sentences she would remember later. Alone.
As I reminded her of all her inner child has been though. As I pointed to the God within her that cares about her. As I took her own Mama off the shelf and showed her that her Mama has not been given what she desired to have, and helped her realize her own Mama was not given what she desired. But that she would not and is not her Mama. And that her Mama was just fine and had done her best with what she had been given. And told her that she herself had been given enough to make more for herself by doing her inner child and Mother work.
I shared with her my technic of self comforting. Rocking and holding yourself. Allowing the inner child who is wounded by thoughts that don’t align with her inner truth of value and worth? We all make mistakes. Crying is good. But no need to stay there when everyone’s got an on board Mama inside. I told her to wrap her arms around herself. And rock when your upset. Go and be alone. Go within to your inner child who’s the one crying. Hug yourself and rock. Allow her to speak. Cry for Mama. Cry about whatever. Allow her to just say what she longs to say. I hate you. Say it. Whatever she wants and needs to say will come up. Just allow it. Like I have here on this blog.
Then. Sob. Allow her to just get real and raw. Hold her. Keep those arms around yourself it will feel weird? Yes. At first. But don’t back down. Rub your arms. And head. Stroke your hair. And then. It’s will happen. Like clockwork. Just tell the critics to shhhh. Allow your child to go there where the hurt is and tell you about it. Tell the mind to just be ok. We are not going to stay here anymore. And don’t run for her or him, they need you. You are all you have. I learned that real early Guys.
And then. She will come up. Who? Your inner Mama will begin to speak. But only if you allow the child full right to speak freely. Mama ain’t messing with lies and excuses. It’s might take a minute or an hour. It depends on how long you’ve ignored that inner child? She’s not gonna just cough up her guts to someone who’s in a hurry. Trust and believe that. And Mama ain’t gonna come up if little inner child won’t either. That’s how folks get stuck. Not listening to the internal system dialogue.
Soon after your inner child really sees that you see and value them. Which is yourself. Then Mama will bring words to sooth you. She knows what you need batter than anyone. And if you can’t listen to your own heart about it. Why would anyone else want to listen? Right?
Jesus basically said, children are to be seen and heard. So we got that one backwards for sure? So the inner child is to be allowed to speak freely. And to be paid attention too and not poo poo’d away? Children are adults in training and need to be respected if we even want a fighting chance? Children are the forming future. What do we say when we can’t even realize that children are way more than we give them credit for?
Are we not able to even see? Our disrespect for children yet? How many Adoptees on the planet? And this is as good as we can do? Come on. We all need to be listening to the children? Children are wide open channels. No conditions yet? What conditions were you taught? What conditions hold you back? Past conditioning does get in our way. But all is not lost if we tear it down and use the trash to build new?
Neural pathways can be changed people. Little tweaks here and there of truth, can make the difference for us all. It’s took me years to get here and able to allow my inner child a platform at last to speak. But it doesn’t have to stay that way if we just begin today. If you do your inner child work? And self comfort? We all change.