Ok. If all we held was grief

If all my Mama have known is grief and loss. It’s loss and grief were the energies attached to us. And if we did not let go of each other? Which we did not. It was plain to see I had channeled Mamas vibes at my home in Willows. After visiting hers and feeling them both. I could see we’ve been linked. Unconsciously like most people who are kept except we were not together. Just connected in spirit.

And if grief and loss were the only energies that we held onto anyway? What do we do when we let go? What do we hold onto then? That’s what I am making visible to my own Mama. We have options. Once we let go of grieving a loss we no long must greave? The sky is the limit. God is our copilot. And no one just gets to Walmart by thinking about Walmart here? Ya got to get up and go.

Mama has only know pain about me. And she was fine with pain. Yep. She’s been taking it for years like me? If I’m committed? So is she. That’s how it works when you obey Mama. And the Belinda Walmart of the future scared her. She’s was like? What if she don’t like me? What about those things I did back then? Well? We went there and I called it all up and just showed her. Then tore it up and burned it with my love. Like, ” yeah? Oh that? Old thing? Your right Mama, let’s talk about that. And then burn it! Want too?” And she said yes.

I want a big bonfire. I’m cold in here without you. Our Mama is the hermit. Plain as day to see when you try to drive to her place. Private due to trauma and triggers. Why in the hell would anyone doubt me? Mama’s trust has been torn. But not in me. No. She’s calling this doctor for a house call. Three times. Ask her if she prayed and what she prayed. Go on ask her.

Freaked her the hell out!! And the words I said freaked her out more! I wish she would shut up and listen was one of those prayers! And I did. And she sat down. Blown away at the connection.

Do my sisters pour over their bibles like Mama? Like me? They should if they even want to understand it. Why would she even try to explain? She needed me to do the translations. I could say boo any old way and she would understand me. She’s my mommy! Duh?

People be tripping round here Mama? Oh but I wanted them to be tripped. And get low and grounded. And now before you. Yes. I did. Recent tastes sweetest when you share it with your Mother. At the table. Feasting because we are able. While folks scratch their head and look disabled. That how we like it at God’s table spread in front of enemies that could even consider I’d fail my own Mama?

The truth is a foundation. That she and I shared with grief. Now grief is no longer needed and we share it with grace. Grief taught us a lesson about love and pretending. At the end of the day. The truth always bleeds through what ya painted over a perfectly good picture of a mother and daughter finding their ways back to each other. After adoption stepped out of the way and bowed to the truth.


I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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