And it hit me? How far ahead of that learned woman who was sitting there listening to me talk about integration and polarity. She was stunned into listening, as I told her how I was using all the skills I’d learned going to counseling to integrate my family dynamic.
She’s treating me for depression. And I felt so inspired. She had given me homework and I’d done it. Kind of juvenile and backwards as usual. She didn’t even know what to say or ask? As I was explaining what my work is with my family? She marveled?
We don’t even go over homework. It’s all about gratitude. And clearly someone who blogs to her family is not depressed anymore? I realized I was depressed for my family? That they felt so blocked and cut off? That I seemed to represent some kind of stigma that needed removal? I realized no one really wanted the lights on? And that I was still the sun. And that I never had to dim my light. And that light is good always. Making things warm again after the cold of night. Making things grow that are ready to grow and wilting things that are not.
As my light grew and my voice gained steam. I could see how affected my family has been by my removal. Grief all over. Inability to cope with conflict. Mama stuck in the middle of the storm trying to make sense? Why did she feel pain? The world said she did not need me, the girls looked like they did not need me? And yet a nagging feeling that we all did need roach other? How can this be god? Why? The prayers went up like flares to God who deflected them to me.
Please help me Lord. Be grateful. Help me see Lord. Please. Take the pain away please. Have I not given enough. Rang and rang the main line. Mama’s prayers like flares going to God within her. To me. I heard ya Mama. I’m coming. Hang in there. God’s heard and sent me. You needed this one. For this team.
Mama was the rolling stone. Daddy tended her fire. God made me from them both. There was no shame. Plain. And simple. They loved each other if only for a little while they held each other. Mama was a rolling stone and Daddy tended her fire.
My therapsit just showed me how far ahead of class I am. Homework? Lol.
daddy would never let me
Forget you Mama. You were the one who got away, with his baby. Xox.