Panic attacks. A given.

Adoptions gift to me. Except when I grew up? Nobody talked about that kind of thing? We ignored it? Hoping it would just go away?

Or would be medicated away? No. Medicine does not medicine them away? It’s linked to the shock my system took when separated from my Mamas presence.

I have been having them for years. And Mama kind of acted like she had too? When last I saw her? Much like looking in a mirror? What panics me is the thought of losing Mama again. I mean death will come. But to not have our chance and all that is ours thrown away on words.

I panic living without my own Mama as a person I can visit and enjoy life with, and have no hassles. I’ve only shown you how far I’ve traveled? What I’ve overcome to get here? So you can understand why I am the way I am? I would like to also, and for me is a given, no need for permission to speak freely to me. I accept honest conversations.

Hurtful things need to be said to get them off your chest, covering the love in your hearts.

Many lies have been said. And I’m setting the records straight. With our Mama. That I never gave up on her. I knew she would come. And she did. And she found love guys. Pure love.

And it unraveled is both from Grief’s grip, and our shallow grave. Resurrected. And restored.

I know what God’s showing me. Where are you all looking? Love has always lived in me for my Mama. And I want her to clearly know that in her every fiber. This missions a success.

We all are changed. And back together. Integrated. United. Even though apart. It’s kind of cool once you can see it. Change begins outside the boxes. You got to color there.

Why would I see any other dream then to be with my own Mama? Why would anyone even ask me to defy myself in such a manor? I need not deny one so the other can feed? There is enough love. People just get it twisted. And it is as soon as a child is removed. My Mama knows this with every fiber and wants to make it right.

The question was how? And that’s when I stepped up and began yappin. No back story to draw from is what was needed to jar us all loose and help us all see we are connected. Family’s especially.

Mama had no come home plan. She just didn’t. And yet here I was. And then me wanting and loving all of you so? Took her a back a bit. Who did she have to help her? Build a bridge for this one? Phil helped with Nick. How could you all be made to see?

It’s had to get hot and heavy. Time is wasting. And it’s about free will. And the question is? Will we deny Mama? And deny ourselves? To hold onto our free wills? Which are clearly not free and is a illusion. What is for the highest Good of our Mama?

Pour thing? Here I am trying to go see her and bring gifts? And she’s so spun she’s calling the police and you all do nothing? And act all crazy? I really did not like seeing Victoria order Our Mama into the house and then slam the door on me? What a manipulation. And no. I won’t shut up about it. Bullshit I say.

Treat Mama like? Shit! Yeah. Panic attacks for Mama. Shame on you. Not me. I love her. You? Think you own her.


I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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