That you love her? When she didn’t even think? That you would or could love her as deeply as you do?
Well? You got to tell her the story and spit it all out? How? Do you approach someone who means so much to you? But the lasting memory of them leaving has left a scare so deep? How?
No easy when the world told me so much bullshit and told her bullshit too? We both were off? And the devil be damned! We can’t just stay like this? For who’s sake? Pity sake don’t need my help? But me and Mama need someone to bridge and approach this subject?
Why? So that we can let go of both our pasts? And have hands free for today? Pisses me off that it has taken me so long to come forward? And yet I know that I’ve done the best I could with what I was given and Mama too. But we don’t have to accept us like we have been. That’s the hope. And we can have more and better. That is faiths lesson. Faith sees what is not seeable. Faith calls what is not seen into being seen.
My Mama is a fabulous woman all turned around and stabbing at me? Which only has shown me she’s wounded. No one who’s healthy would block anyone. There would be no need. And it’s not her fault? What else should she do? She just needs love and words of truth to help her. That’s all. And some support for the girls she kept to help her transform.
But see that’s the thing? Adoption did not anticipate any of this needing to be done? It’s like we’ll snap your fingers and blam! And no it’s not blame. It’s work tearing down and old story and laying it to rest so the new one can grow. And adoption never even prepared Mama for this day? Shame on Adoption.
Sure. Many adoptees don’t go as hard as I do. Excuse me for being an over achiever? Or changing this status quo? But like get out of lives way here. I’m her daughter. Blood kin. From her. Damn right I am whipped up! I love that woman!! And have been so patient and have waited for my sisters and family to figure it out? And am now leading and teaching us about what home means to me.
Try living without her sisters? Yeah. Try that on for size. You would feel like me in two seconds flat. If she was cut off from you.
Mama has not liked that I had to go here. But how was she going to get you all to see her heart unless I bared it here for you to all see? What she knows to be true? A Mama knows. Did you think she was dead? Like come on. She cares deeply about me? Just like you all. But her love for me has been hidden for years? Denying herself even the thought that I come home? But she getting it. That’s my right to give it. And I am. Fully. My love that is gets.
push Mama. We are being born again. I’m so excited!!