Adoption made me feel not permanent.

Adoption feel like a very none permanent fix to me. I felt moved and yet still connected which is why I have told all my truth. To show you why, how and the chaos that was created within me due to lack of this and that that is by right mine to have and yet was denied or hidden due to my movement.

I just felt none permanent and so nothing has felt permanent. Except Mama.

Adoption created this none permanence in me and caused me to feel none permanent too. Ungrounded. Flying around. No roots. No foundation. Even though it appeared that I was given a new foundation? My new foundation was sinking sand and Mama was below it seated in Christ to catch me when I naturally fell to earth which for me is Mama.

I felt misplaced. Not in position. And have lived my life as best I could for a person moved and scribbled over.

When you are moved away for your first love. Is there another? Who can take the place of your one? Who? Tell me who your replacement is for you Mother? Is there a back up plan woman who can even stand in? Is there? Take a moment and consider your own placement and plan? Who’s gonna take the place of your Mama when she’s gone? Who?

No one! No one will take her place. She has her place and it’s all hers and can not be transferred to another. After separations? You get what you give folks. Because it’s not built in to the frame work? You must build it. And that’s what’s upsetting is people don’t see all the work Adopted, orphaned kids must do to create connections from nothing? And yet we do. And yet people expect our new connections to resemble connections naturally built, that are maintained and no one is removed or moved around this board?

Which is absolutely ridiculous that people even lump it into the same pile? Adoption is different. And no matter how hard to try, you don’t get our love for our Mamas. And that’s what adoptive parents need to know. Your started from scratch folks. Our respect for you will be contingent on how you treat us? You placed the conditions on yourself in writing to treat us like your own and we are not. So do better.

Because not a lot of people are really nice to themselves? Especially if they are already wounded. Which is usually the case if your considering or already involved in adoption? Your wounds are clear to the children you helped move over your wounds thinking we could heal them. It’s not our job to bandage your egos. It’s not. Our job to be anything except who we are. Which is children made from another.

Don’t disrespect my Mother and think you can hide? Behind acting so nice and yet not being good. Even. Do people think we are so blind? And can’t see how you react due to seeing my/our parents within me/us? Seriously reactions like cards don’t lie. People actually thought my love for Mama was just a fling? But clearly we can all se by now? This is no fling it’s the love of my lifetime!

If I may say after years of studying?

Store not your riches on earth unless it’s within the love for your Mama, which is heaven as I see it? And I’ve stored a lot of riches in my heaven giving to everyone sharing and giving love from my Mama to others. Give and it shall be given. Pressed down shaken together. Then running all over. I’ve down seeds all over and over from my love for my Mother. Which now is a infinite reservoir. Due to the constant feedback loop now repeating over and over I rerouted our pattern. Doing deeds just like my Mama to being us back together.

Sacrifices will be taken if given with right intentions. And rewards are a normal for God’s chosen children who answered the call. All are called yet few become chosen who can’t seem to answer and follow their hearts longings despite all the clamor of the crowd in its frenzy to see you both eat dust and biff it in the arena.

May I remind you. My name includes Linda. So don’t even think I will trip with my lady watching over me with her prayers. I brought all the demons home and showed them to Mamas demons and we both now see we made it through Hell Fire. God did not let either of us down. And tamed our inner lions and more.

God’s gone after our past and set us both straight. Bringing back the dead from our shallow grave. My Mama can hold her head up with pride and not even be haughty. There is nothing naughty about loving you Mama.

Advertisements

psychecafe

I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

Submit a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s