Now. Let’s address all the rest.
Why am I living in a garage with a woman who has neglected me? Well? I’ll tell you about a kind of love I learned.
I’ll admit. My flesh wants my Mama. But. My Mamas flesh don’t want me, and it’s seems her mind agrees and has been programmed by her own words to stay away.
Neglect runs in the family. But. I am the buck where this pattern stopped. I stayed anyway. Yes. I know. Crazy. So I’ve been told. But somewhere along this time line I just decided to face it and doooooo something about it.
What you ask? Stay anyway. Love anyway. Why not? I don’t have to like the patterns I see swirling around both my Mamas. And I can send up distress signals all day. But I stay. Because I’m not neglecting either of them now am I?
No. I’m not. And I am addressing both their patterns. No. It’s not the easy wide road of defeat. It’s the narrow road of God. I can only help my flesh rise, by letting my flesh breath and scream and cry the cries both these woman have not cried to help them. I am the one. Who decided to love them anyway.
At some point I realized I was sent on a mission to love you upset woman who needed a child to love them unconditionally. And with God as my father and mother as the scripture say? Who took me up on my fateful day? They taught me to go higher. And to not stay the same as they.
Now this is just me. I’m not telling all the children to stay. That’s not my story being pressed on they. No. It’s a choice of Belinda Jean who came from Huey too. Or at least maybe? Still not sure he’s my Dad. My brother showed up as a cousin on ancestry.com? So? There is a doubt in my Mamas name she gave me.
Lies seems to be all around me. And yes it disconcerting to be told so many stories. I imagine God feels that way, in fact God told me and showed me as I’ve walked this road of pain. That folks need love.
I’ve been asked why dont you run away? And I’ll tell you? Where ever you go there you are. And I did not come here to back down. Love is still all around once you become the love you want to see.
You see neglect is all around. Those neglected neglect again and again until the pattern is exposed and then changed. I chose to change that due to the pain I felt at the hands of neglect who tried to lead me down his garden path. But God took me up I read it and believed and held onto God’s hand if you please.
Choosing to be two woman’s angel is not an easy appointment. But I chose to show up and to do something about it. To love past the neglect that was poured into them and chose to pour love until neglect had its end. Once love begins to pour in, neglect must pour out and once the cup has been filled with the proper ingredient, love is all there is.
That people is grace, along side forgiveness. Mama needed to see just where she sent me. So she could appreciate the love for inside of me. Just because she was neglected and neglected me, didn’t mean I had to do the same as many Adoptee has done. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve heard all the stories of adoptees choosing to turn and do the same that was done to them.
And even if my Mamas never change and keep going along their neglectful ways. No matter. I’ve given to them as unto God, so I have my rewards within heaven. My heart grows each time I face neglect and abusive behaviors. It’s not easy but I just remember that love conquers all of the devils. Jesus lead the way down into the hell of patterns we know so well and can’t see. And he’s my brother he gave me the keys because I chose to stand and not waver.
Though hot breath of devils blow. I stand on the rock like no other. Let the storms rage and swirl around me. I’ve got a garage to protect me and God who does love me and won’t leave me here forever. I’m on assignment for god I surrendered long ago to be his hands to love another especially Mother. Mother is the place that we came from here on earth in our fleshes. And I would not fail at passing this testing.
I chose to use my free will that is not free to love both of them. Equally and yet differently. For every person I’ve loved as unto god, god has helped me love them even more. It’s like filling up my tank with petrol and driving some more.
You may say? How is this? Well I guess I don’t know except when you surrender to God he/she will not leave you and won’t let you down. God send what you need for being God’s clown of love, fool for loves expression must be seen to those who need it. And my Mamas needed it most and I practice on every person I’ve known so that I would be learned at just how far I had to go to get through to the God within them, abused and neglected. I am their friend.
And I’ve proved it by telling them my truth and stand down firm. Loving them despite their actions, I just keep coming. It’s their nightmares that have deemed me a demon, but then again didn’t Jesus get hung on a cross for telling his truth to make those folks see their own patterns of hypocritical ease? Yeah. They killed him. But that’s not for me because Jesus protects me when I love on those who could hurt me. And in some small way those people seem to see it and it’s changes them. Even an inch is something as God has shown me.
Like a pebble dropped into a murky pond of imagining, I’ve rippled love across the planet. Loving this way and that. I’ve change a lot of patterns just for standing and letting god use me to love them. I made it better.
go on Mamas tell me I’m no preacher. Teacher. Lover friend. In the end I did you two the greatest favor. Love is the most powerful energy on the planet. And you’ve been change just for having seen love finally come running back time and time again unto thee.