Please excuse me.
I’ve not let myself speak about what I speak of forever. All swirling inside me has been questions no answers. Wondering and offenses untended.
It’s is not my Intensions to wound or upset. If my words hit hot and upset you that what I am pointing to. We all are wounded in some way.
And why do we stuff it? I’m 56? And just now sorting out about Mama? And that’s just so tragic and sad to me. All these years I wanted help and have not even gotten to the roots of my problem?
And I wonder where is Mama? Surely she knows what to do or to say but she’s silent? And how is that helpful? To a daughter who needs her? Input.
This I am hoping is that all my answer will settle down this inner child who’s been crying for Mama her whole life to finally settle down inside me.
It is so disconcerting when you go home to conditions and rules. And your Mamas got the script of who she thinks you should be and act like and tells you your all wrong? Well what is right then?
Should I just crumble and die for her so she can be right? Like what is the answer?
She left me. The bag and the baby. No answers or instructions. Just turmoil and angst. Wondering wonderings. Wandering wonderings. This way that what does work?
It’s so fun to be an abandoned daughter. Not. How to approach someone so sure she so right when you feel like it’s gone all left and your just trying to show her a way that you’ve found? But she could care less and seems to treat you like a clown?
What did she think it’s would be like for her daughter to roam all this world and have to answer for her Mothers, actions? I stood up for her doesn’t that even matter? Seems kid of ungrateful. I don’t feel appreciated none in the least these days that I write and write to show her and plead with a mind of my Mama so set on blocking the daughter who’s loved her my whole life?
I guess that their are people in this world who just wont change. And I’m so lucky it’s my own Mother.