I was to busy being grateful.

So codependent. Thanks Adoption for making me feel like a beggar. So busy trying to over compensate for my Mamas misinformed decision. “Boy”, I thought to myself growing up? “Is she gonna be mad when I tell her what everyone said about her when I finally get home!”

She had no idea. This I know. What she had done until it was done. Like don’t judge me because I’m all over the place? That’s what the world does to us? This one says this and that one says that. It’s a mess you all made of me.

And now my Mama doesn’t even recognize me! Fuck all of you!! Grateful for what? What! Where is my Mama! And when will this ever end! Like I’m tired of this nonsense.

Raised to be nothing more than patsy clown I was. Nothing more than a dog that barks at command. Now I’m learning how to speak on my own? And my Mama hates me. Fuck you!

I’m so over this world. Dogs treated like prisoners. People treated like shit. I’ve been manipulated. Neglected. Mama Jean can’t even keep a plant alive? Who do you think kept me alive? Me! And god! Maybe my grandma prayers. Hell. Who knows anything?

Was I wrong. Mama could care less about all I’ve been through. Why? Cuz if she cared about me then she would have to finally care about herself? And she doesn’t want to go there cuz she scared she won’t come back?

Well? I’m here aren’t I? I came back?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s