A Place the Soul Can Confront, Reflect and Embrace all that they are.
5 years. Writing my thoughts about the life of this adoptee
I’ve come so far after popping this bottle of medicine and letting it flow. One thing about telling your truth? Others involved can’t hide theirs. Actions speak loudly. I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I chose to use within who I am made of and how deeply this affected me.
I am proud of myself for being able to stand in this World Wide Web and stating my facts and to with stand my Mama rejecting me over and over and over and over again. Just has shown me how tucked up her head is about what her actions actually did to us both.
Whether she ever gets it is on her. But whether someone else truly seeking help and understand of their own affects? Now that’s why I spoke up. You. Whoever you are. It’s making it ok to say it at all after holding it in just to please the masses who really? Could give a shot about our mental health? Seriously?
Where’s the care? Have I missed something? The therapy that provided and mandated for our adjustments? Did I miss something? Did I misplace my proper medical history? Oh me oh my? Should have never trust a baby with that one guys? Have I misunderstood the worlds actions and lack of actions and understanding? Was it all compassion that I misunderstood?
While the world just moved on without even giving me a chance to grieve one of the biggest losses? I just didn’t get it now did I? All of the love and care? While my mind was so confused and trying to figure out all the stories. Let’s not forget all those lovely stories and opinions that where spewed onto me while I was trying to grow up? Thank you world? For being so educated. Thanks for all the love. Thanks for seeing that I was upset at all?
Thanks for calling me crazy everyone I’ve ever known. Cuz I remember all of ya. And it’s on you what you did. Thank you to those who got it. You did help. Oh and thank you bio family for starting the obvious. I was well aware. Very well aware that I am different. Being called crazy? Is low. Which means I did come from the gutter. Yeah. You had your chance. Now. Face your own consciences. I have no idea what they are? Nor do I care? I’m clean. I’ve confessed my sins one to the other.
And we don’t mesh. Don’t call me later when you e come to your sense. I will not have time to deal with your shit. You never took time to help me with mine? So? Your all on your own. Your now in God’s hands completely. Dropped. I’ve expressed what I needed. No response? Well thank you for showing me all your asses. But I won’t wipe them. No.
See. Belinda? She gives grace and quite a bit of time for folks to step up and work? But if all you all want to be dead beat family members and not even show up for the job? Your fired. And the pie will be on you not me. Good luck Mama. Tell the Lord about it. I’m think you’ve been praying to yourself for way to long? You left the lord in the dust. So good luck watching your own movie and having to learn your lessons?
I may love ya. But I don’t like you. At all. Thanks for being kind to Chelsie Lynn? And showing your asses to my baby too. Your damn right she’s strong. She had to stay there and watch all y’all do me like this? I move away too? She knew. What was coming. She tried to warn ya. But? She had to learn about all ya all too. Cuz we ain’t staying like that. Treating each other like that?
The way I see it? My Mama was playing my Daddy. So she’s the player and the dead beat. Final answer. You lost cuz you chose to Mama. You think your just so great? Don’t you? Well. Go. Be great. Without me. I’d rather be poor and be loyal. Mama Jean know my heart. And I am sure my heart came from my Daddy. Vicki John Tidwell. Right? Cuz my brother shows up as my cousin instead of a half brother Mama? A cousin? So. Thanks for lying through your teeth to me. That’s where John came from.
Hell. Who cares. He’s dead. But I think all my daddy’s know your number. And their all dead. Helping me from the other side to heal. Thanks Daddy’s. It’s about time Daddy’s got the win. Go back into you cave Linda Marie. I think it’s kind of funny. You might be named Linda. But I Belinda. What a legacy Mama. What a heritage. And yes. I made an example out of you in class just like auntie O. Thank you gran gran and gramma and auntie O. For your help too.
Five years. Change is good. I’m ready to live without you for good. All I am now is all I’ve chosen to be. I look like my Daddy and folks don’t seem to mind that at all. To bad? You should go get help yourself Mama? Poor baby?
I’ll light a candle for you. Take care now ya here? Xoxo. 💋