Im just putting out content into the search engine. People need answers and examples.

When folks get a load of what I am saying? And read what I write?

Evidence. Right here. Testimony. Right here.

PTSD. Here.

Anxiety. Here.

Blah blah blah. The list goes on. I don’t want my desire for my Mama and a healthy relationship to be numbed by drugs and rhetoric to get in the way of my processing out these emotions? That’s just silliness?

My instincts are spot on. Like a heat seeking missile. Of a natural feeling damned up somehow in this process? I know how to fix it and ease her mind too? Connections matter. Touch matters. She needs mine to truly heal. I am offering that. She now knows what I have overcome. All the miss guidance by a helpful world?

Trying to help us? We can help ourselves now thank you very much. I think I know how to love my own Mama right. Even after so long. And to come up here and tell all. And stand up. Tell the trust and still align with both of these woman says a lot about what potential I saw? Yes?

Of course. Would I spend time writing to a ninny? No. Someone’s got to dig us out of this muck? Might as well be me to settle whatever. I mean at any angle. And there are Adoptees who’s stories are happy and yet tragic. Always a cloud? Like unfinished business. My Mamas are due their stamp of acceptance.

The only thing to change is how we are treating tomorrow today? Think long term. Every actions has an equal and opposite reaction. Now that we know the bond of mother and child is scientifically established as fact? Why? Do we think we don’t bounce back to where we came from? And why lead innocence young woman into thinking it won’t?

Adoption is very shallowly thought out. The plan for the future is no plan. Changed rules. Cut off and cut up records. It’s an accounting nightmare folks? Oh when will we see? We act like change is so hard? We change all day? Change clothes. Change underwear. Change hair Styles. Change diet. Change the oil. Change boyfriends. Is anything permanent?

Is not Mother a constant here? Is not father a constant here? Is not the child a constant here? We throw families into imbalance? Restoring balances feels now imbalanced which leads to fear of some retribution’s for not following the rules? It’s deep mind control. Adoption is deep within the psyche of us. And must be educated out of our consciousness as we know it now it is not in alignment with higher truth.

The Bible speaks of salt. Salt preserves. Preserving the family unit is always the best route. We can create a world like that? What? Why not? Are we like? To ignorant to even think of better ways to do it and agree? Well we have work to do then don’t we?

Look! I’m working? What’s your excuse? Restoration of our respect and honor for Mama is the highest calling. We must make betters ways for Mothers to thrive and be supported as the supply the hero’s of tomorrow and the storytellers of today. Athletes and musicians of the decades came from a Mother and a Father. But let’s face it. Most times Mamas the constant. For me my constants were removed. Which through the math all off for me.

It’s taken me 26 years to integrate everything. And 5 to throw out and write out what I held in. Unprocessed feelings mixed with yesterday’s news and today’s. Closing an open book about trauma to learn all I can to bring healing to Mama and the fam about this. Folks ought to be able to talks about these things in 2019. And folks can stop and listen. I put my life on hold to pay my respects and tell Mama the truth. Even if it made us look bad for a minute?

New status quo. And we just own it all. No need to hide now. My kids came back? Did yours? Hmmm? Are ya looking? My daughter never forgot me? Mothers need to know their intrinsic value at all times and the world needs to reflect that! If Mama is respected then no ones fighting? Who is anyone if they can’t respect their Mama?

If my Mama had been a prostitute, drug addict, homeless person, hoarder, bag and cat lady? I’d love her? No matter. I know who she is to me. Now it’s time for her to see who she is to me?

Like peek a boo Mama! I see you. Guess. This is such rewarding work. Carving away yesterday’s skin. Exfoliating the layers away. And revealing what it all added up too in the end? Me and Mama and Mama Jean. Connected. Wow.

Yes. It’s like a maze of emotions as I write my thoughts out for you to examine. I am writing to show you were adoption put me in regards to my thoughts about life and my Mama. The evidence of the affect are plastered here. All over the place.

Yet I function. Glorious. All this trapped inside me while I grew up and then raised children of my own. Trying to maintain the current status quo at the time. It’s just hard on my nerves to be denied my Mamas company due to my truth spoken and folks holding onto a grudge instead of being supportive? Shows me how unsupported they are. And I support my family. And cheer them on. As we all learn about each other and grow.

Adoptees need examples of folks working on healthy family relations and full circle completions, not half asses returns. This ain’t Walmart. We all need some results here and healing. No ones being thrown in a return pile.

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