Holy shit balls!

I’ve always said I would write a book about this journey. I have even told the story yet. Lol.

I do feel our story, this story I’m in with these two woman I try so hard to love and keep balanced, is my movie. A story is a movie we lived and live. Each day filled with different characters and experiences.

You and me. We all get attached to the characters in our lives. Hell. Mamas been in my story since I got here and it’s just a shame she didn’t think she was worth a second thought? I gave her way more than two thought people?

This reading is insane. And yes I am sharing this here. Before you see the truth in real time! I am manifesting the highest good. A relationship from 56 years of living I owe to my Mama for allowing me passage through and from her body. That I could live and be raised away from her 30 years. And come home so strong I knocked her socks off and made her speechless.

Being a surprise like I was and am. This surprise was gonna count on the books of life!! No hiding this one!! To God be the glory! What? Excuse me for being so excited. I’ve tasted my Mamas cooking and kissed her skin. Don’t even.

Mamas need their credits. Even if their were demerits. I balanced those books ladies. With grace. We don’t hide what’s happened ever. That’s the proof we were here. As we rise above it. To our new life. No curtains needed. It’s an open play. We all have a story with a chapter like this.

But it’s the best chapter that drives it all home in our hearts. Love wins. Always. After we’ve done all we learned and we have to learn better. We get better. I would not trade whipping cream with a mixer for a hand whisk!! No. In a pinch? Yes. I can. But I got better now. My mixer does that while I do something else’s. It’s evolution.

And relationships need be paralyzed by staying with a whisk when a mixer is available and way more efficient? Mama and myself are upgrading. I’m not sure what the readers thinks going on? I’ve hit some of the maybes?

I could have told a stranger? And had them listen for my dollars? Had them take my time and words and files them away neatly in a folder? Yeah. I’ve done that. Been there. Got the tee shirt. I am an informed human being. And one who know about asking for help thank you very much. I’ve been asking the wrong people for help that any person can ask their Mama who is living? Mines alive? What’s up twitch that is what I am pointing out?

I’ve explain many of the sides of the possible whys? And confronted all of our actions involved? How does anyone affect positive change in an situation that has obviously become stagnant and rancid? Family dynamics should be healthy. And I’m just saying we were not acting healthy as the whole that we are and my family believed we were not.

It really is a mindset of detachment and disassociation a with one another? And confronting that within each other and ourselves is quite uncharted territory and mysteriously scary to many. Change is scary. That’s what I am saying? I was scared at two days old? Who helped me? Me. And God. And Gran Gran and basically everyone. But it was a juggling act for years with as little information as I had to work with? People miss that point.

We have to think about the day to day mindset within the child’s DNA and new story line? Many time if not all the time the new story and old story conflict inside the child’s mind that must adjust and many times go against their own nature. With only instinct and God to guide you. Fact. For me. My family is now doing what I’ve done for years, which is to accept it all is part of me now.

Saying it out loud and written her made it all real. Changeable. Mutable. Like clay.

God is real.

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