I mean I was born in 1963? I know. That’s a long time ago. Right? But you see? I did not get delivered to the place I was send and received? Maybe Mama did disobey god’s will for me? From what I have experienced? Mama may read that bible? She may help folks? But she ain’t help me? Or herself for that matter?
And impact has taken 56 years in the making? I’ve been raised for her. She’s a queen alright? Potty trained at nine month old. Ahead of the curve at the time? I had no time to be soiled Or Stinky. The show must go on. For someone else who doesn’t even get my lines? So frustrating. This should be funny? Mama would laugh I’d tell myself to comfort myself when folks didn’t get it? And shewed me away like Jesus said not too? Oh well. The show goes on. And show after show? They kind of get it? They laugh more when I fall or fail? What’s a stranger crowd this is Mama? But I’ll keep practicing on them for my performances that’s real for you.
They want my love for you Mama. And I asked God about it. They did not say it with words but actions. They drool like wolves to have it. But they can’t? God showed me that it was yours and not there’s. How? Guess I’m smart. Science. But at the time? A gut feeling that made me want to throw up. It’s made me sick to cheapen you like that. They would have to earn their own love now. What they gave. They got. That’s how it worked for me? And I am not to be blamed. My body and mind were made up at two days old. Yes. Why was I screaming!! My vow!! In baby babble!! Damn it. Why won’t anyone believe that I can remember what I remember? I keep saying the same thing? Why do I not feel believed? Why the hell would I lie? To have my own Mama back? She deserves an explanation for approaching her throne in such a out of character drastic manor!!
To get your attentions miss daisy!! Slow down girl! You wrecked when I came to see you. God warned me of something. I did not ask what. I prayed about it. Your welcome. What the hell do you think your own daughter is trying to do honey Linda? Listen la la la la Linda!! Anybody home in there darling? Got any coffee? I’m a new minister? And I have only you I minister to on a regular basis? And a few others I help along the way to you? Could you send me an Uber? I’d really like you to mentor me? I’m a handful? But I do feel you are qualified to assist me to making you prouder? I’m new at this asking thing. Excuse the long intro.
You are still bound to me. As on earth so in heaven my lady. Surely you have been under duress from the trauma, compounded by the grief of the loss of your amazing husband. Who lost it a bit at the end. But all in all was a great man. You did well Mama dear. Makes me feel warm inside to see you took care of your Mama and man. Even if they loved driving you crazy. It always was your best performances they both say. Yes. I hear them. Telling me what to tell you. I’m a weird minister. I’ve been anointed by many a preacher on my way.
The wisdom I bring is very deep and insightful. Due to the wound. That’s where the blessing comes in. After the storm. Something about me and you and dad and Adoption makes me different. I mean a lot different. Scary different at times? I’m sensitive. And I’m ready to own it here. There are many like me here at WordPress. As a Christian minister I would like to embrace publicly my psychic abilities. Or my gifts as it is said in the church. Prophecy, word of knowledge. And clairvoyance ,clairaudience, blah blah blah. Hell I don’t know what all the labels are. I’ve only learned a few.
My gifts were evident in the church. I prayed for folks or said a word and I knew? It was god. Using me. And I saw that it helped all the time. Even if it looked like it didn’t? So my gifts are whatever god needs at the time. And I don’t get away with saying no. And my Mama is my first vested church member. And she’s learning my language. So be kind. I’m complex. Intense. Passionate. And kind of manly? Yet beautiful.
I feel she feels my Daddy talking to her through me? Yes. I do. And Phil. Man when he comes along? Pay attention and forget her thinking your crazy!! I want her to know now. Thank you. But the feeling he gave me? Oh my! Yes sir. Roger will do that now don’t care about Mama. Wow! Woe! Ok!! Click send!! Big. Energy. Like a bear. But gentle. He never had to bare his teeth to Show his strength. He commanded a respect because he gave it first and always. Amazing man.
Guess he wanted me to go back to that? And make Mama and all you see he’s talking to me? And he’s told me. Mamas not believing it. And I’m like why are you bothering me I am trying to mend things with her thank you? The things you say to dead people? He’s relentless. So is Gran Gran. And grandma Margaret. She says quite crying? I don’t want you to cry Mama. I can’t hold this back anymore and I’ve been dancing around it.
I’m not for hire. Like god moves and allows that when God wants me too. Or spirit. Universe. They all work. And all the stories go together. Nothing will make sense until we add it all up. That’s what Spirit tells me. We are all fragments of the one. And the fact is we have always been connected? Invisibility? We each are a frequency. We have a signature vibration. And that’s how we feel spirits. Our ancestors.
Beyond organized religions ideas, which is where god lives by the way. Is everything. We are a proposed bubble. A bunch of rebel spirits. Learning our spirit lessons and have some kind of amnesia? About what we are and who we are? About our bodies? About our minds and our spirit? Somehow stranded and fragmented? Life here is great. But like look around? The place is a mess in many places? And there is no need for that? What? How long will we all wallow in the sludge? Of ignorance? And just call it a day? What the hell are any of us here for? To whine and complain? Or do something about it?
We have lost our minds. I see it all day. Folks disconnected with now! And yet connected with virtual now? And that’s great. We all are learning and expanding our brains. But this is earth and it’s all got to be applied here in this 3 d realm. Unless we all would like to upgrade? There are many D’s. Just read some quantum physics. And brush up on that know. It’s helps us bring it home. So we can freaking make this place better? Like Mama earth ain’t having it. Haven’t ya noticed? No. You all haven’t noticed?
This eco system is alive? Go read about signs and wonders. Ok? They are everywhere if ya pay attention! There is no need for anyone to fear an gift. And the doctrines change with the church. Like underwear. The code will help in all kinds of way. Not just how the preachers says? Don’t try to tie God’s hand? No. God moves. And God can just make us wake up all of a sudden and realize? Where we are? Full circle. In a circle. Integrity and character are a hallmark of a promise kept. I just asked god to make give it all to me? You could have too?
these are the explorative mental meanderings of a woman who’s processing her grief. Thank you for the respect. Xo