Whether anyone realizes what’s going on here or not, what’s going on is helping me. My crazy interactions with my Mama are gaining me results. That’s is something cool about going home, the mirror don’t lie. It’s just remembering that mirror again. Cleaning the mirror. Placing it in the right spot in your inner space. My Mama is my mirror.
Sure. The world has thrown a lot of crap on us both. We didn’t realize we were mirrors to each other at first? I know I did not. But thank God for God folks. That heavenly intel agent to help me know what to do to clean ya both up. Mirror work. God is so genius.
And weather or whether changes on the seasons and sight in dependent on the view. Mama and me had different views. We were looking different ways? Till I approached and started really looking at us together and watched our actions beyond the words we had swallowed, then, I began to see our truth was evident. All this bullshit just needed to be addressed and cleaned up in our minds first.
And whether or not my family gets it. I get it. I see it. As I ground back into my Mamas real energy beyond all the mess on our mirror to each other, I feel a wholeness. I feel a groundedness. What’s groundedness? Listen. Mamas shown up as best she could. She did not realize we still had shit together. The preachers told her it was all washed away? Was I? Well for a while like a boat on a wave? But my wave washed me back on her shore. She was under the impression it was a rap? But our hearts said different than our heads for sure. Our hearts are bonded by the blood of Christ. I was sealed with God’s seal. So was she. And we are always called higher as Christians. Always called to walk in integrity and truth as we know it. We are called to learn and grow and follow the spirit of God who is the true author of the words we read called the Bible.
So whether or weather. This blog is my therapist. And my testimony as an adopted woman’s struggle to find her true north, mama. And to go the extra mile. To make it real. Drive it home. Home run. Out of the park evident that this is the way god wants me and Mama to go. To edify her spirit to know. This is our way. To strip away all the lies between us until love is all we wear. To chew the taste out of the old story until we don’t want it anymore. Until we are ready for our feast of plenty.
That’s an Adoptees wish and dream. And I’ve come so far having to listen to so many nay sayers who put me down? Told me Mama didn’t love me? That one really frosted my ass! Mama don’t realize what her baby has been through to get to her door? Maybe now she sees why I am so determined. She should be mad at God for sending me all the people to tell me about her? Cuz God sent me so many people with information? 3 years? After I moved back to California and Mama was found?
When God give you that kind of green light? You go! Listen life felt like a constant red light until god opened the doors for me? I was just revving on a red light til God said, “it’s time”. Yes. God told me that three years before it happened? That’s a miracle? And my Mama acts like it’s a disaster? My sister act like it’s a curse? My cousin acts like it’s negotiable? Ha!
Gran Gran says,” go on. Try me now will ya?” ” this child is family” I’ve watched over her since my death in 1964″ ” she shall be placed back” “or I am not anyone’s gran gran””there are somethings higher than you Linda” “this is destiny child”
Thank you gran gran. First time she came to me was in 2012. She came to me in meditation. I felt her strong. Cuz she is strong. And she told me. “You have never been alone, I have always been with you child, you are family. And I love you”. And I cried. I’d never had her come out and showed herself to my soul. That day I felt so lost? And she came to me and told me I was worthy. She made me feel accepted. My gramma and her husband were present that day too but did not speak. She made it clear who was boss to me.
Signs and wonders. Yes. I’ve had a few on my waY back to Mama. I was scared to death to go home to her. And rightfully so. But god’s always got a reason for reunions. More than just me. God loves Mama too. Very much. This I know. People make decisions. And Mama made a big one. And God took it back? What can I say?
Do people ever think that if Adoption was for life? Us kids wouldn’t be looking? If it was the cats meow? Why would I search for something else? Listen I already had heaven. I want her back. Ok? There is no heaven better than Mama? On earth. And you just got to go into your soul to find that truth?
It’s don’t matter if she turned around? Turn her back around. It’s don’t matter if she mad. Take time to listen. She’ll get glad again when she sees it’s you who’s been listening to her soul? Like come on man? A child’s love when guided by god is the purest love. Who can deny that? No one. Just cuz I am 56 in human tears don’t mean my inner child is dead? Hell know. I followers the scriptures that said to be as a child and trust God who knows the way to my Mamas heart? Xoxo. Is through my own.
I’m seeing things differently each day. As I purge my old and hers too. Mights as well help Mama clean while I clean? It’s our mess now. Not just hers. She’s carries such a burden. It’s time to lay that burden to rest with dignity? And truth. My Mama did the best this world would let her. That counts. It does. Intent means everything. And my Mama needed to see why her precious girl was so fired up. She’s not heard what was said to me?
And it’s been hard telling her what folks said to me about her and how it affected me? She did not want that? I’m not sure why folks gave me so much shit about her? But they did. And that is unfortunate indeed. My Mama has tried to live a good life that I could be proud of. This I know. And to realize that folks been talking smack about her while she was not present is upsetting. It upset me when my baby girl told me what her friend said about me? Her friends Mama hits men? And I’m bad? Whatever.
Ive been not just a mother guys. I’ve been a father as well. So. Get a grip. I’m both you can’t categorize me like that? It just frosted me when I heard it? Some teen age girl telling me how to be a Mom to my girl? Butt out? Why don’t you work on your Mom instead of tearing down your friends Mom will ya? Yeah. You know who you are missy? Ignore me at the rite aid? What a joke.
My Mama had a husbands. She kept her husband. He must have been a good husband? A supportive husband. Mine? Not so much. But then again? Mama did not help me pick them bow did she? Oh well. My Mama did not have to be a father figure to her girls. The one who married her stayed and committed and did not abuse folks and act stupid. Not when I knew him at least?
So on that note I would be different than Mama. And would change my parenting style too now wouldn’t it? Yes not would. And breaking it down to help folks understand is what I do best. Debunk this shit. And face the facts and do better is my moto? No facing. No better.
Being a Mama I know how to lead. Actions. I lead by my example. And I want my kids to do the same. So I lead them to do the as me. My actions matter to their DNA. This change matters to the family karma that’s being healed now. Once this is healed we all gonna feel it. Truth.
All my mistakes were due to past programming and lack of programming from my own Mama? It blows me away how folks don’t see the connections? Sciences prior. Learn some science please. Learn some of everything. It’s key. Lopsided educations lead to lopsided people. And thinking.
Oh. And if I don’t know what Mama wants? Well she needs to speak up. And me gone ain’t an option. That’s never been on the table. Just saying. We need to get it clear. Family. Always family. And we adjust. It’s taking us close to 30 to reunite? That should make folks take notice? Like what’s up adoption? What happened? Lousy planning. Lousy education. Lousy idea. That’s what happened.
It’s raining today. And my prayers is for Mamas souls to be washed clean. For mine to be washed clean. And for these two mirrors to see the beauty that is we.
Thanks for diving deep with me today.