I am blown away

These readings are sooooooo spot on. And to watch? And hear this woman I don’t know tell me our story? Messages. That Mama and I couldn’t get cuz we were off course with each other. That’s plain to see? One looking this way. The other look another way. And neither to two meeting.

And to turn you Mama around when she appears to be a stone is a huge undertaking. It’s a huge job to straighten her mind out to see the big picture. To see your place in her soul that’s gotten covered over with yesterday’s newspapers. Dusty. To show Mama her Star. Her silent partner. Her wing girl. Her soul sister. Her daughter. Takes grit. And digging deep within you to find Mama within to tell you the way back to her?

Yeah. Sounds crazy? Mama within me? Yes. mama within me. My guidance beacon within. God within. Knows my Mamas heart. My body has cellular memories. God can access them to show me the key. Just like Jesus. But different.

We apply the story of Jesus to our life. What made Jesus to amazing? Truth. People are starving for it. And all it is is getting back in touch with your inner child? They know. When we are children we know. We aren’t programmed to know. We get programmed to unknown. For me it was Adoption. For Mama it was relinquishment.

Adoption tries to teach over the top of what I learned with Mama. Nine months ain’t long. That’s right. But it’s all we get when we come to live here on earth. And I paid attention. I guess if I am honest I have been offended by the books that have stated that I knew nothing while growing in Mamas womb? So wrong.

  • We live our Adopted lives acting like we don’t remember. But every time our Adopted parents do something. We remember how Mama did it. It’s like a prick to the heart. Oh I longed for that woman so bad. Like a love sick pup for her Mama. Inside I felt that way. I tried hard to not show it. Which is an unfortunate place to place a child so young, having to make a decision to withhold love?
  • Consider this. I’m a baby. And Mamas gone. She’s all I knew. And I learned life from her. Now she’s gone. And I’m confused. And longing for her. Why did it feel so wrong for me? Why did I take this so hard? And why would anyone consider that I would give up? On my own Mama?
  • People get ideas that aren’t all that well thought out. Adoptions not well thought out. There’s no consideration for reunion. And my Mama just thought, that’s how it was? That we couldn’t even consider any other way than the rules she was told about us? Cut off. Road washed out. Dead end.
  • But my souls told me different and God showed me different. All I did was trust the child within me that remembered the way. It’s quite amazing when your body just gets taken over. Instinct kicks in when you’ve caught the sent. Of your Mother. Please hear me through these words. I’m telling you how it feels for a reason. I’ve recorded all these feelings to share my story of awaking back to my original self with additions. The merging of it all. Mama and my new life.
  • And merging can be explosive. And reemerging even more so. What Mama has with my Dad? Was explosive. Can’t tell me different. I’ve felt it from them both separately. And I can read energy. My Daddy feel in more love with me the day I surprised him on his door step. Blue eyes to blue eyes as I said, “Hello, do you know who this is?” Lol. I am such a shit. That one was for Mama. 💋🤣
  • Boy he stepped outside and closed the door behind him. And stood at attention in my presences. Yes. He did. What a cutie he was. Like a lamb. Of course. I had him by his energetic balls. He was trembling inside. But God gave us space together to talk. For two
  • Hours. About life and God mostly. I ministered to that very submissive song bird. Oh Mama. He melted on me. You had quite the affect on him Mama. I believe his relationship with God jumped to whole new level Mama. And he did the right thing by us. And told his Girls about me. He honored me. It showed me how much he respected his second wife for sure.

    My sisters from that union are amazing woman. Their Mama is amazing too. And my niece Joy. She’s such a joy. So intelligent. Anyway. I rabble.

    That day with my Dad. Seeing him for the first time. I don’t know what cards that man showed Mama? But he showed me his closest cards the day I called his hand. Standing in his drive way. He showed up. Did not slam a door on me. He gave me respect. And I knew it was cuz I just showed up too. And that I knew. That he needed to just take one look at me and he’d know. He’d see her in me. And himself. It really was beautiful. Our first moment together.

    Spontaneous. Like Mama. So like Mama. Lol. We held hands. And I prayed for my father the first day we met. Yeah. That’s my God. I don’t know what your God does for you? But my God? Makes the mountains and then moves them. My Mamas never read that story? That’s how jacked up our relationship is? Folks these things take time to tear down and rebuild.

    Surely. I’m just gonna go there. If Mama has kept me. She’s totally be in love with me. She actually is totally in love with me. But I would not have to be explaining myself to her and my sisters like this now would I? Would we even be here like this? My sisters would act like they love me? But what’s to act out? All that growing up times gone?

    Yes. And no. Developmentally. We all are stunted in some way. It’s like removing a person from the unit deprived everyone of everyone. And families are like a living organism. When one part of the organism is removed and live else where it stress the whole unit. It’s an energetic adjustment. I know. Sounds technical. And yes it is. I’ve lived it and have studied it too.

    My Mama surely is seeing what I am saying by now. And my family. I’ve learned about energetic connection from being energetically removed from my family and then brought back to feel the differences. There are many differences. And I compare what we are calling nurture and nature. I was the subject of the test? But people are almost feeling it’s a new way? Will all children soon be given away I ask here?

    • If I always felt energetically connected to my family?
    • And upon return was told I was much like the walking talking Mother I came from?
    • That is the proof of our connection

    My kitchen looks much like hers is arranged? Bleach bottle under the sink? Gadgets galore? Our lives parallel in many ways. I can see it? Because I know me. And when I look at her home? I see her in me. In how I create a home? Books. And music. And pictures on the walls. Each piece having a meaning.

    You can call me bold

    You can call me crazy

    You can call me obsessed

    Erratic, spinning in cycles, holding on, but never able to let go anyway?

    That’s me with Mama. My Mama makes me bold. Crazy. Obsessed.

    Sometimes ya gotta do something crazy to change things. Tornados are like that. Crazy. They tear things up. Force us to change directions. Redo. Rebuild. Rearrange. And yet we hate the tornado and usually are blessed after a storm? Makes no sense why folks hate storms. That bring rain and make things green again? My Mama was dry as toast. No offense Mama. That woman needed a good energetic snack on her ass. From her own kid? So it’s not creepy.

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