The urge to search is real.

And natural. And this woman’s quest to find her Mama is stunning and beautiful. And shows a very strong bond she had with her Mama. To take the time out of her life to search so diligently for her Mama is beyond what anyone ever told me to do.

And she and I share the same spark and fire for our Mamas. God’s kind of cool in that I am lead to videos like this to share. To get us to open up aid express feelings that may be trapped for lack of anyone seeing to touch them. I’ve touched my Mama quite deeply. And forced her to wrench what she had swallowed.

At first she was angry. It hurt to be touched so boldly in a soft spot. But I kept poking. And squeezing until the puss ran clean.

I think about God. And the big plan. God knows about the big plans for each of us. And this Moses wants everyone in the promised land of milk and honey. Big plan is God would let Mama give me away. And God would let it hurt. And Mama would have to deal with that hurt until she gave it back to God to fix. And while Mama was hurting all those years, God would be working on training her own child to bring her the healing for such a wound. Yes.

I do believe God does think that far ahead. And what did I really know? Except that I trusted God too. Just like Mama. That God would make a way. Where there seemed to be no way? To heal us both. Meaning to bring us back together. Better. Than before. Oh yes. God would make sure we both were better and both realized what a chance we both have right here. What a blessing.

And I for one do not get lazy when a blessing is coming. No no. I show up. And show up early. Way early. Knocking on the door. Where is it? I get excited. Cuz I feel it first like a horse and a storm know each other. Cuz people. I know who I am getting back. I remember. And maybe my sisters forgot? This sister did not.

What a woman when she’s all together. And each of us is a piece from her. Each a unique piece of that woman. And I’m a wild piece of her from the 60’s. And her crowing jewel if anyone would give the poor woman some credit? Like I am amazing! Raw. Wild. Genius. Is someone saying Mama ain’t a genius? Well shut the front door!! You lint lickers!!

Listen. I’ve got priorities!!! And sour dough pancakes at Mama is at the top of my list!! I need a green light? I’m trying to use what manors I have left after 56!!!!! Years Pep’s!! Give a girl a break! I wanna hear her talk to the dog. And me. And whoever else!! And drink some damn coffee at that table of hers!! And wash dishes and windows and floors. And laugh at ourselves. At how dramatic we all are. And how awesome I am for loving your asses so much.

Like I am crazy about all of you? Duh! Are you all telling me? That your sister should hate you all? Not poke at you when your turned the other way? Not want to spend time with your asses and get to know my own nieces and nephews? You’d rather want to think I am crazy and not love that I am this silly and crazy?

Like guys? Our wandering has gone on long enough. And this Moses is instructing you all to step over to the promised land. And this time. You don’t leave Moses like they did in the Bible? You bring him. You all can try to stay where you are and act how you have or? You can choose to get with it and the times. You can remember no one wins if one losses?

Yes. I have poked each of you in your soft spot. Mama. Why is she soft I ask? She should be strong and firm. She should have been processed on many of these griefs she’s been holding and not even realizing it? It’s not your fault. But it will be if you don’t realize what I propose here is for her best good.

And before you scoff. Remember. I am her daughter. And not some rag a muffin off the street. And I want you to be very clear about my intentions in regards to our Mama and I’ll call our your intentions on my way. And our intentions should be for her highest good and not her comfort. She’s not comfortable. She hasn’t been since I left. Fact.

And I am done. I want results. I’ve asked for what is rightfully mine by birth right. I’ve back it up with human rights law. Shall you all stand in the way of your own sister who’s just doing what her heart says to do to get to her Mama?

I want peace. I want an invitation. Why? Because three times you all acted and didn’t act at all inviting. And you all expected me to just take that kind of teatime to laying down? Well say hello to 60’s Mama. Ok? She don’t take no shit. And as per the game here. I’m three times in and your all behind. And a bit proud. To proud to call me and begin.

My kids do do better than that growing up. Like own your shit. I’ve owned mine. I’ve owned it publicly and smeared it on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube. What have you all done? Stood and picked your damn noses that’s what!

Has Mamas cat got you all tongue? Or what? You all owe Mama an apology for being so ill manors with me for starters. Yeah. How about I apologize Mama for not being more supportive. And I apologize for not seeing your need as a Mama and only mine for you to stay the same. Yeah that would be a nice thing to do girls. Do that.

What did I do except call it all out in the open? Wrote about it and made you have to think about folks know what you do? Showing you that if everyone sees it now? God always did? Yes. God sees all sisters. I am Mamas wild card.

If we are gonna do this proper. And I believe Mama would want this done proper. We all can agree on that. Then? A meeting is next. A note of invitation would be lovely. We can plan our next step instead if fumbling like this. We can do better and thank God I could finally stand up and say so.

You all have no idea how hard this has been. Loving all of you so. From a place within me that’s yours alone. Each of you. And that’s my gift. My love. My willingness not to let us stay the way we were anymore and to brave the storms of change. And to share our journey so that others could see it happen and gain faith that they to could reunite with their families too?

We are strong enough to weather a storm of truth. With all our our truths together. A new truth is added up. And this is a huge upgrade for us all to reunite properly. So Mama can hold her head up high. And be proud of what we now have done with what she did. And that we did not give up on her.

If I can want to give this to her surely you all should want it more having loved with her? So what I’m not like you all? I am still Mamas child? Why not look for what’s amazing about me? And me look for what’s amazing about you? Why are we all so stand offish? When we are sisters and have a duty to be sisters?

If God did not want this then I would not have found you. And Mama does not do anything half ass. We know that. And if you all would have reached back at me we would not have had to go here. Mama doesn’t like any of this. Including you all. Duh?

I mean girls. I was bullied growing up. You all were not there to help me. So. I’m a bit scrappy. Excuse me. But I do get the job done. And haters gotta hate. I care enough to keep writing until you all step up. Why should Mama step up with three anchors around her angles? I mean? We all got to step up. And we all can see me standing here stepping up?

Now you. Just begin. Yes. This is embarrassing. And should be embarrassing. And should make us do something. This is what I am doing. There’s more of you than me. And writing and calling did not do anything. And Mama just didn’t know what to do to break the chain. Neither did I until I just prayed and followed my gut.

The gut and the Ego are two different things. It is important to us all I be integrated into the family as an active member brought back from the dead. Or Mama will just keep grieving. Is that what you all want? You all think she’s angry at me alone? Like wake up? She upset cuz separations is not working no more. And we all are not coming together.

It’s gonna make it better for us all. I just wonder why you all struggle to feel that? Cut off from your guts I guess? Girls. There’s so much more than living like this? Can’t you all see? The camping stopped and get together a are lame? What would Phil want? Hmmm?

Phil still matters. He paid his dues. And should be respected forever for his life and how he helped all of you. If he was here I would be spending time with Mama by now. I’d have called and spoken to him and he would have helped me navigate it. Maybe he is now from the other side? He did have a good relationship with God and he knew Mama best.

This urge isn’t going away. And I’m just so fed up with folks thinking it should? What do I do?


I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

Submit a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.