Carry my Mamas cross. Yes. I faced many of the same foul statements my Mama has to over here? And hear said to her. She did not have it easy laying low. My Mama ain’t low. She’s high class. Top notch. What she did for for woman that raised me?
That shits not cheap brothers and sisters. That was her cross. The one she carried all alone with no one who could understand her. Until her mirror came home and began to tell her tales that triggered the tales of a woman relinquished, and saw herself. My words cut deeply and I didn’t have a clue at first.
I was healing her. Pulling out a bunch of thrones. Took them off her head. Slammed it on mine. Rubbed it good to show her I could take it. She didn’t notice the Helmet. I took her cross right from her. Stool it! And ran down the world wide street yelling!! You can’t have it!! It’s goes back to Jesus!! He paid for the damn thing!! No!!
And then rattled off the list of offense as I ran to hells gate. Jesus let me there. Thank God I know the main line. Actually all three where there and the music was alive. And way I confesses all her sins before everyone who would listen and witness and could give a shit. Then handed Jesus Mamas cross. We broke some bread. And here I am today?
And my Mamas set free of all her sins in all directions of time. I told on all her demons. Faced her fears in myself. Hell. She’s in my Dna. And I figure? Gotta try. Why can’t Hod heal Mama through me? Let’s go. I’m game. That cross is a drag. Literally. The cross has already been done. Let’s avoid the cross and carry shit together? It’s not codependent. It’s interdependent.
I lack nothing. But we together are stronger.
And my Mama had felt a lack so long. Me. And it was like an alarm. That’s she just kept snoozing. She thought that was what should would have to do forever? And I am ending the need for an alarm at all for her. She had had that thing ringing in her ear so long? God had to make my ears begin to ring. I just had to figure out what god was saying to me through my body about Mama?
Cuz I know me. And this shits not all me. Gods using my shit to help Mama with her shit. And Mama thought she didn’t have any shit left about me until I turned the rugs over? Oh Lordy. All I ever had to do was come to call and Mama was on edge? Of what I don’t know? But I did not want her feeling alone and that I was not concerned for. That I sensed it. And that I came to her inner calling to me. I showed up in her dark storm.
And we’ve had a language bearer. So? I just let loose and slung it on her. Like full throttle hose moment of truth. Wam bam thank you mame.
So she could see and also feel her own feelings of loss? It’s not all about me and yet it is? We have been comparing wounds. She acts like I don’t see hers. Like I am blind as a bat? Like a bat doesn’t know how to pick up a wound? They do!!
And my Mama was wounded so badly. Easily healable with some daughter loving. Even if it’s only a day? Or an hour? And a duck dish later? Rocks in the yard to tell the tale of love. Coming home. Like a badass. Just like her Mama.
Sure I’ve got scares that match yours girl. I paid my dues no doubt. We are equal and now you truly can see. That damn old cross was what you thought you did to me and did send me too. And I climbed off your back in silence. And protested that shit like a 60’s girl does!!
Joann of Arch loves God Mama. And God loves you. And God loves me. Don’t you ever be ashamed of the scares you took for me. Cuz I’m
Not ashamed of one of mine I took for you.
So straighten up Mama and stand proud. There is no cross. No need to bare. To deny what has been makes us both pretty damn strong to be able to unite like this over a damn wire. Like I truly got your back. No one had Mamas back. Occipital lobe is key. That’s where many of her visual memories of me are stored. Trapped. Or at least were and they were coming back and freaking her out. Dreams. Anger.
It was like all her demons in me. And I realized I was a mirror for her to see a side of herself that my sisters could not show her. And what she was was her own issues playing out in me and facing her own judgements of herself? And I was like wow? Ok? I get it now? All the self help books and bible learning? Nutrition? Psychology books and classes. Reiki? Crystal toning? Sage? God? Ok lord. I get it. Heal Mama. Ok. Got it.
And she’s healing. Got a text the other day from her phone. That’s a good sign of life. Folks it’s not easy what’s she’s been through guys. I’m just saying it out loud. She had to feel it. With no one that could say, wow. That was a lot. Makes me cry too. Maybe makes me write it all out on a blog wall and wash it with love. Made me so sick. I had to get it out anyway God would let me get it out of her.
So yeah. I did.