As I’ve lived this life of mine? Parading around as another woman’s daughter for all to see? And approve of? And Mama Jean never stopped me once? From parading around named after both my Mamas, as she had the last laugh on everyone. Who tried to pity us.
My Mama expected better. Yeah? Little ole her? Some (. ) fill in the blank, whatever the words were that folks were so nice to tell me so I could relay the messages back to her one day. So many? And for a minute? Mama though I believed them? Yes. Folks told me some tales.
You think she didn’t? Oh I know she did. Sure as I live and breath typing here today. She expected way better? And got better? Because of me. I made sure I was better. So she could be better? That’s how better works people?
Education is key. And the fact that my Mama pours over the books she’s got? Just shows me She’s ravenous. Starving to go beyond some gate formed by society that kept her where she did not wish to be? Without me? No. She’s said she’s ok about it so long it just comes out automatic. But that ain’t her heart beat. Don’t tell me I don’t know that woman.
And I came home to prove it. Like any good daughter would. Pain stakingly. Inch by inch. Dismantle that truth that was never a full truth without me? What Mother is? There are no mamas today that wish this for herself? Not even my own Adoptive Mama.
My Mama, thought, and that key here. She thought. I abandoned her. And that Mama Jean abandoned her. Which means she abandoned herself. Yes. Long ago. And the woman that raised me. However crazy it seems, helped me to help Mama see her own worth by respecting our Mama daughter bond. And who by doing so has in fact shared our bond which is totally cool and unheard of.
By my decree. I have shared my love for my Mama with her. How else would she have been able to partake? In such a divine thing? Except I spoon feed it to her? Of course she knew where it came from? Who cares where love comes from? My Mama didn’t give me away to hate another woman? She gave her best love to another woman? Who appreciates it enough to not mark it up with her finger prints.
Even the name? She chose? Belinda? Divinely guided. How else? Did she know my Mamas name? She says no. Why lie? Even if she did know? That’s a hell of a front seat name right there? I do see that? Be Linda Jean. Yep. All mixed up into one.
As careful as Mama Jean was she still made her make on us both. For the better. Better for knowing her kind of love. She guided through this storm too. This storm of undoing. Like going through a fire.
And what’s left are us three always. Me, Mama, and Mama Jean. Joined. And we can’t ignore that union any longer. Mama and Mama Jean came into sovereign union for me. And Mama needs support from her side. My family must see this is our history being made.
Mama is that kind of person. And these two woman must be honored. I honor them here. I don’t see any other blockages. And if so. Deal with them so this can proceed. I am waiting for more than a text from Mama. I’m expecting on of you lovely sisters to get this ball rolling and out of Mamas hot little hands.
Like Handle it.
This is ridiculous and not anyone fault. It’s just uncharted territory. I am guiding our best course now which is not what Mama, or my family expected. But an occasion they will rise too and enjoy immensely. And it is this hard to go home properly as per Mamas standard. And to help her make folks really see.
Mamas what’s up with me? What’s your problem buddy? I’ve been standing at attention here for a while what’s your excuses? Yeah. Mamas talking. Yeah. Through me. Yeah. To all of you. You all gonna tell me she don’t have a main line to God By now? Oh my Mama?
Oh Mamas talking to God girl’s. Yeah.
Ridiculous she said over and over on the last rant. Mama? Surely. They are waking up? It’s gonna be ok. I got you. I won’t let go. I’m here.