Yeah. It is this hard?

Like do people actually think of going home was so easy I’d be here writing about my saga?

When shit gets real? The real show the shit. By now I hope whoever’s reading this can see that my Mama was absolutely blind! And so was I. And so was the family. Blind to each other’s sides of this story. Marooned on each of our own islands of thought, separated from each other and the whole truth.

Adoption touches everyone involved. Even those who think they are not involved. Adoption affects us all. But more closely the families directly involved in such a coo as to teach a women to lie, to themselves forever? And deny their own loss. And to have those woman teach us to do the same? How is that even helpful?

And that alter mindset reset talked ahold of the minds involved. Which then takes an untwisting of it to reset to the original mindset. Which is separation hurts us all. Mamas don’t enjoy giving their babies away. They lie. They are strong. But need to be strong in another way. Strong enough to finally show up. Strong enough to just be who they are? Now? Not some fairytale Mama?

Like we can’t go back. True. But there is so much we still have to work with if we just do the inner work and get the old out? Yeah. Me and Mama and everyone have been way off on each other’s radar? That’s the point. With no bridge? It’s been work. To build from scratch again. To tear down the he said she said bullshit and level the place where the new shall be built by all of us?

What? We can’t have new? Yes. We can and we do have new. And no it’s not easy. But is living without your child and or Mama, family better? I’d rather go down swinging. I’d rather keep trying. Trying is practice. Practice does make perfect. Sooner or sooner my families gonna get it and will see. I’m 56. Been waiting patient. Guess Mamas used to greedy folks? Like what the hell?

I want my turn? I’m asking. Here. Publicly. You can’t say I did not ask. And ask. And knock. And seek Mama? What is your deal? You blocked me Mama. I do have a new number. So? I guess I am blocked now from you. Blocked is what you gave so blocked must be what you want? Me to block you? Lol. Silly woman. Block my own Mama? Even if she is acting crazy? No. Not this girl.

Just reach out to me here I guess? I can call you. I guess you’ll see the number on caller id? Assuming you listen to my messages at all?

Adoptee? I’m just tired of doing all this alone? The adult community in the Adoption world has always been us? Our parents lost it long ago down the rabbit hole called delusions of grandeur? Why is the truth so hard for them to take? So sad for them these days?

I’ve always loved with the truth? While they all played the lie? Amazing. Just amazing to behold.

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