It’s ok Mama and yet not

Like. I’ll keeping going without you. And I get that you don’t get it. Neither does the woman you gave me too. And that’s your lesson. Not mine.

I can only be who this made me. And I get it. You just are overwhelmed and upset being so blindsided. Now you know how I felt the day you left me and went on your happy way without me.

And that one event change me forever. And if you can’t seem to get up to speed and forgive yourself and society for fucking your in your ass, that’s on you. I am working as hard as I can to ground you into what happened to us all.

Our loss. Will be many children’s gain Mama. For I have chosen to be the gatekeeper along with other gatekeepers who now speak up like me. Stop is what we all are saying.

And I’ve got to keep moving. I can’t stop for you anymore. I stopped for 50 years and now it’s time for change. And it’s not possible for us now. You can’t see any use due to your own pain. I’ve shared mine. And I am working it out here. So do you. I mean I’d like you to do us?

But your just not able? No matter how I try to approach this? And that. Is the point. Of what Adoption did to us. Separated mindset. Separated everything. And I am not able to play nice anymore. Because nice is not good Mama. Nice is just bullshit when things need to change.

I’m letting go of even thinking you can change. Neither of you Mamas even. Saw this coming. Which is unfortunate. But only backs up my illustrating here. I will not give up for your comfort. It’s beyond that. It’s about all the children who lay in strangers cribs and wonder, “where is Mama and why did she leave me?” And I speak up for those children forced to have to swallow a lie and speak lines that are not their from the heart.

They matter to me even if your to stuck on yourself to change to make me proud? Yeah. I’m Not proud right now. Except in myself for choosing to set myself free.

You’ve made your choice. And I have made mine. And if it’s goodbye? Well goodbye. I must go on without you now. And that’s hurts because I did not want to repay separation with separation. But. You’ve left me no choice.

So happy new year without me. Heal please. It sucks to see you like this. It sucks to see the family like this. And it sucks to see the truth in the end was all about your comfort and not mine. So go if you can.

I’m not sure I can take you back anyway if it’s like this. And in the end. We both lose what could be due to not being able to face what has been. Which is so sad. Especially since we both are Christians. Sad sad. Sad what our relationship issues illustrate about our internal mindsets that are clearly showing.

No way home. And you needed to see the affect of what your choices caused for me. Now watch me rise. Without your ass.

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