A Place the Soul Can Confront, Reflect and Embrace all that they are.
Well well well.
It’s amazing how vindictive woman from the 30’s and 40’s can be. And how they can take it out on me? It’s amazing after all these years to see what I earned being an adopted child to Mama Jean. Wow!
And my pride is gone in this shit show. Mama wanted me gone. Still does. And now Mama Jean wants me gone? How. Is the helpful? How?
As I work up heal from a divorce after caring for Mama Jean in my own home? And after being way better to her than she was to me? Like wow. And I want folks to take a hard look at this situation here with me?
Cuz woman back in the day? Will sell your soul for a pint of peace? And then will have the nerve to whine when the grim reaper come to call about the child? Who’s taken all the abuse? Yeah. Abuse. And no one but God truly saw what I’ve been through.
That I was so precious. And that I am so loved? That when I am down? I get kicked? Did I kick my Mama when they were down? No. Mama Jean climbed into a bottle after Elmer left? And I had to grow up as best as a pet on a leash could. Oh people. Abuse has many faces. And it’s everywhere. Nice people are not always good.
So Jean has called to see about evicting me? Brilliant! While I work and work to try to help her? She fears. Yes. She fears. Because she does remember what she did to me and how she’s treated me. And she worries? I’ll take all her money like she took mine? Time is money. And she stole my time full well knowing I wanted to go home.
And then there’s Mama. So sweet? Right? So sweet? She’s blocks her own child? Like wow. And I want folks to read this. I want folks to see me pigeon holed? Yeah? As I must rise with no emotional assistance. After they got what they wanted. And took from me all I had? Like wow.
As I sit in a garage and Jean worries I’ll take all her money? She’s doing a fine job of that herself? She’s done a fine job spending my time for her dream? And Linda too. I’m done calling either of them Mothers. My kids wonder what’s up with me? Look at my trainers kids! Look and see what I was given and know that I worked so hard to give you more. So hard. Read books. Went to counselors? Counselors
Couldn’t see? What’s up with me? To much white wash. Money money money. All they care about is their money. Worry about their Money. You ladies are way over drawn. And God will be the one to balance the scales now. I’m getting out of the way. I’ve shielded you for long enough? While I went without what I wanted and needed. A mother should be a medicine. What a lark. As I face and observe my Mother units tank.
Go one. Blame it on the child again. Mary let Jesus take the fall to keep the peace. But I am not Jesus. And thank God we don’t crucify people for telling the truth anymore in the USA.
My Mama want to crucify me. They want me silenced. So they can go back to business as usual. Two selfish woman. Who wanted their way and not god’s way. And now look.
I don’t have to be silent anymore. As Jean has shown me her hand. A Ahmad I knew she always had. Because her Daddy taught me about poker. She does not have a good poker face.
Go on. Hate me children of mine? For standing up for myself like I taught you. Alone. Yeah. Alone. No one even gets it. Out to lunch at the game of their own life? Watching their Mama stand up in the middle of this world wide street. Advocating for myself. Did you all wonder how I knew what to teach you? Did you all not know? That’s this woman called Nana filled me with her garage. To make sure my seeds were poisoned and that I trained you all how to get to higher ground!! Wtf?
My kids must think I am stupid? No. I am compassionate. Long suffering. Have taken the high road when I did not really look forwArd to the climb. Karma. Is what you put out. I’ve made mistakes like us all. And I kept showing up for two Woman who could do me like this. And lead my own children and siblings to do the same.
Look at this. This is Heinous. This is Adoptions mental mind fuck. To take my liberty. To take my freedom under a flag that stands for my freedom too and deny me? To force me to alter my course and wonder why I wander? You, Adoption and society guided me and I guided my kids? Had to alter their course? On my own? Raise them to leave me so they could go higher. Strapped to two lunatics who need to learn a lesson?