If you’re getting a damn thing out of this? And want to help me eat and get out of this garage? Send whatever God lead you to send to:
PayPal acct: firstname.lastname@example.org.
And thank you ahead of time. I am doing this for a living now. So if anything helps you and you’d like to read more? Send some cash.
And practice give and it shall be given. See what god give you when you give to me? It’s amazing to practice. God loves when we take God at God’s words. And use them properly.
And we all know proper has changed. So don’t go there.
I mean. I am almost 56. And really? Who cares?
Like,Who really reading this and taking me dead serious?
Except may Mama? Maybe Mama? She’s awful quiet these days? Maybe she started play my game? Quiet. Quiet can teach you so much. Listening tells everything about a persons perspective and nothing about who they are?
Actions tell about who they are. And I’m really grateful. For the men in my life growing up. Cuz they taught me what a strange woman could not even.
It was the men that guided me. And that’s why I am not your average kind of woman and Mother. I did it more like Daddy did. Daddy got up in the middle of the night with me? When I had a nightmare? Or needed to pee? Daddy came to my rescue. Until. The divorce.
But Daddy needed to leave. Mama Jean was to much and mean as hell. He could not handle here. So he left it to me. So brave of him. And yet. She was all I had known since my 9 month meet and greet with a whole nother world?
He was a soft place for me to rest. And his easy manor made it so easy to learn from him. His temper was low. And he did adore me. A little to much for Mama Jeans fancy. That’s for sure. Those brown eyes went green when she saw how we cared for one another. And yet she never try to jump in and play? She just didn’t understand it?
Why the hell is that my problem? And yet it is today. I made it my problem. And have stuck by her to prove Mama and Daddy together are good people. I am the proof. Can’t argue with that? Like I’ve hung on like a turd long gone. Helping her. Who was gonna help her? No one. That’s the point. No one helped her. No one helped me. The buck stopped here with Linda Marie’s mistake. Lol. Kind of ridiculous if you ask me? Slapping a baby on something like infertility and loss? Kind of crazy to expect me to make up for those babies? Two.
But society still is rowing that hoe. Or bowing that row. This swirling mind of mine. Swirl swirl swirl. Around this world looking at it all. Watching. Observing. Learning. Human nature is quite fascinating for sure. I had to study. Strangers are not Mama. Nope. Or Daddy. Nope.
Learned that one for sure. Can’t replace those people.
Tonite I’m typing from a garage. Mama could give a shit. And Mama Jean? Could give a shit? Kind of interesting to observe to woman who claimed to want my best? Watch me go through a divorce? Sold my only home I ever owned? They watch me reinvent myself from a concrete slab I spent a lot of time with my Papa standing on.
Kind of funny. And no blame? Just observance of what is. They may have all the reasons in the world to deny me emotional support. Does God agree? I never did them like that? No. I’ve been emotionally nurturing them both for years? One by staying away? One by staying with? Two woman off balance who needed a child to make it all better for them? Hmmm? Funny indeed.
I’m not really laughing. I feel like wtf? These woman didn’t learn a damn thing? While I paid the price? What a lark.
This Adoption thing is so twisted. It’s twisted us all. And it’s not like you can just walk up to Adoption and say? Um? Like you sick. Go home. I’ll clean up the mess. No. This drunkerd is off the chain. Kind of like the woman that raised me? Adoption think it’s bullet proof like some damn drunk ass idiot that no one can deal with? Guess David’s Mamas got to slag this Goliath….. sounds about right. A woman will have to clear this shit up.
My Mama must have been loved. Not sure what went wrong? But she did not love me? Either did my Grammas. They did not stop Mama? Maybe she was a drunk idiot no one could handle? Well lucky me. And two for one sale on idiots that need straightening out? Yippee!
Oh. Mama? You’ll get over it? If you play the quiet game? Poor baby. Must have stayed quiet to long? She’s beyond repair? Or unreachable? Unteachable? Doesn’t the Bible talk about that? Great. My Mama can’t even get that one right and has no excuse? She reads the word and doesn’t not do it? Damn it? Weeds everywhere in Mamas garden of eden without me?
Seems like she needs some help with that? Wonder if she will ever realize ? Poor soul of a woman who I once knew? Just a shallow pool of words written a long time ago? Void of life and lost he spark? Backslidden? Plenty of money and poor as hell. You’d think she would be grateful for all she got without me and would want to share? A cup of coffee? A meal or two? Maybe a sleep over?
But just me and her for now. I don’t even think I can deal with my sisters. I have dealt with them for long enough going on as if I am a ghost and dead to them. With nothing good to say at all about me? To my own Mama? Shame shame. On all of you. I said it to the world and your face. So there? Need to see how your sister is and what she puts up with? Well look!
Words are all I have said. And yet deeds are what I have done for all of you have something I’ve made for you? Yes. Can’t even get a damn card? Fuck all of you!! And grow up. My fuck you doesn’t mean what your fuck you means. It’s mean you suck. Grow up. Change. That’s sucks stop it!! Why the hell would you want to pull such a card as rejection when I could be any of you? Yes. This could be you. Any or all of us? And this? Is what your doing about it? Well yeah! For our family line. Not! Wtf?
Chelsies told me about all of you. She works for God too. And let’s just look at Chelsie Lynn will we? She’s married? She’s healthy? How do we know? Well let’s look?
And she’s found happiness without her Mama? Hmmm? Where did she learn that? Anyone? Liz? Phylis? You guys went to college? No psychology classes? Awe. To bad? Chelsie learned everything I learned whether she wanted to or not? Yeah! 🤣
Damn straight! This damn ignorance stops with me and mine!!!! 💯❤️✌️
She’s beautiful. Much like me and should be able to say so? I am amazing! Who? Told my baby different? Hmmmm? Anyone? Want to raise their hands and show me the stones you threw? Oh ye without sins? Oh my god!! Sickening! Barf.
Mama. They reek? My daughter was raised by a woman who was raised by a woman who was a strange stranger to me? And of course she was better to Chelsie? I taught her a lesson she would never forget? She had her spells. But she knew what would happen if she dared to touch them! I trained my kids to fight and so did my second husband? Duh? We fought? And we did not touch until the end. When we taught them all a lesson. When to leave. And who needed to leave.
And she intelligent beyond year. Wise beyond years. Gorgeous. Did I say that? Well it should be said all day by her man! Yeah. You who claim to love her. I will be the judge of that. Don’t even think she can keep me away forever. She getting ya ready for inspection son. Lol. Better get the hand shake down. Lol.
Chelsie gets so upset when I have to put my man pants on and do her Daddy’s job. I do feel I am affective in setting the intention of his intentions. Bars high boy!! Wish you luck. She’s precious!! Priceless. All one of kind!! One of my jewels on this earthly journey.
She knows that by my actions of respecting her boundaries and yet testing them. Always watching over her jewel. Praying. Much like a part of Mama trying to do and yet feeling inhibited? She’s inhibited herself for no damn reason? Except what she told herself? When? Long time ago? A vow is a vow? Your vow was a lie. You can not vow to stay away from what is placed in your care dear woman?
God placed a precious jewel in you. And you expected a stranger to be better than you? You slay me? What? Had enough? Call me. I can begin to write the turn around after we have come together properly. Not this half assed shit show? Lord. You had all my love? Bullshit! All your love would be moving me to your place? Seeing an opportunity to truly have a moment to get to know me. Me. The woman.
What are you scared of? Mama? That’s the girls might see you truly do care? That’s maybe they have hope top of being cared for to now? Your all balled up? Stoic? Martyr? We all takes somewhere? Everyone falls. Everyone changes course. No harm no foul? If we say so from now on? No need to hold to a way we have outgrown? Yes. I am a drill Sargent? And it’s time to line up to change.
I do believe I am quite thorough? And have covered what clinicians didn’t even see? I do believe I have a grasp of the issues as a whole and can mediate this merger. And I have considered all even if not names here. It’s time we walk the talk. Do what we read and listen too. And first let’s mementoes this scripture as a unit. Sisters. You can put this on the frig and recite it each night at bed time prayers. Children must be taught to speak to this universe and ask for help. And dare to believe. God’s listening.
God listened to me. I’m living proof the word works. I found you and kept knocking. God opened a door even Mama can’t shut? Kind of cool. Xoxo
Remember the reference when memorizing it. It’s called programming the mind to what? Receive power, love and a sound mind as truth? And not fear. Ok? Let’s go. The whole family needs to memories this and Mama is watching ya? And I am her daughter. So? Yeah? Do you do each other like this? What’s seems to be the problem? Broken? Or do you just all suck as sisters? You tell me? Pleeeeeaaassssee?
Because by the way your all acting? Or not acting? I am seriously wondering about Mama and you all now? Is everyone just rattled with fear and lies that they can’t even see me for the trees? That’s problem how people felt about Jesus? Your just to way out man? We need to kill you. Your making us all look bad and we don’t wanna feel bad? We wanna feel good! Happy happy joy joy at Jesus expenses so everyone could just go back to business as usual. And a major update failed on the download? Why folks? Why?