A person should be safe to grieve a loss so deep.
My ex tried. But the woman I called Mother drove our marriage off a cliff. As he watch in horror as the woman he supposedly fell in love with? Tried to help her? With not much emotional help from Anyone. I gave to her what I myself wanted and no one even got the message? And it must not have been a great marriage if the man who said he loved me could just watch? Doing what? Leaving when I was pushed so far? His Mama did a real great job? Like? Way to back me up? Did I back your ass up buddy? Yeah. I did. Took care of your kids? When your ex could even take time to take them to the doctor? Yeah.
- That’s how down I was. How abused I was. Still am. And I watch. Denial of self is the life of an adoptee if they can not even mourn a loss? If I must go puck in a room with a stranger when it was they would made me sick? Just to save someone else’s feelings? And their face? Fuck this shit.
- To hell with my feelings? It’s all about my Mamas getting their emotional needs met?
Am I supposed to see it differently?
Oh. I deserve being treated like this for opening up and being honest is it? Oh. Ok.
Go on throw me to the wolves. Yeah Adoptee. This is your sister here asking for help? Will you be like who trained you? Or will you stand beside me here? We are the wolves. And they are just dumb. Ignorant sheep.