I’ve told the story of Mama Jean slapping me at age three across a table for spitting at her.
I was three when I was told I was adopted.
Put it together. I was asking questions. Like I do. About Mama. And she told me to play the quiet game in response and did not answer my questions and basically that means she said shut up. At home. Shut up. In public. Play the quiet game. Cryptic. For abuse.
I suffered an injury to my left brain when I hit the wall and fell to the floor. Ok? You happy? Cuz I am not.
I would just like to live what I know. My Mama loves me and she would not be happy when she read this? Because my mind took a hit when I was hit. I couldn’t spend time feeling sorry about it. It is what it was. She didn’t not care if I cried? She was boss.
The left side of the brain is the side for language. I’ve had to study to understand what happened to me? Because? My Mama didn’t not sign me up for that? No. She did not. And she’s heart broken.
Maybe that hit helped me connect to her more? As Mama Jean abused me for my questions and poo poor me for even asking she did not know? Even though she did present the paper with my parents background at 16?
The abuse was so severe that many memories are blocked. And I need Mamas hand to hold as I heal this myself. It her that’s getting the blessing. Not an ungrateful person who could even be ok doing that to me? Like soap is what helps with spitting? Why? Did a three year old disrespect her is the question? What three year old does that without a reason?
I have fought for my life? Please. Don’t tell me I am ungrateful. It’s not true.
The left side of the brain is concerned with language, number skills, reasoning, scientific skills, spoken language and right-hand control. The left side is the hub of language, where you “assemble” the language (words and sentence structure) you want to communicate. This is not to say that the right side of your brain has no involvement with language; the two sides of your brain work together to perform functions such as understanding, reasoning and organizing language.
I never went to the doctor for this. And it was hidden. And I had to deal with it and adjust.
That’s why the cards help me. Left to right therapy.
That was my first memory that told me it was not safe to talk about Mama.
mind you. I am writing from the garage of this woman. 55 years of age. Telling Mama on her.
So? I’ve learned to be brave.
that day was just one very horrific day I rennet. Their were many hits to the head. Anger. Especially after Elmer left us.
I could not lie. So she always knew. And had to live with that fact and did nothing but take it out on me. Don’t even talk to me about loyalty.
She tried to hide it from everyone. But everyone knew.
I hope Mam realizes what’s going on here?
It’s taken me this long to deal with these mental traumas. With diet and god.
Come get me. And please bring a moving van. I don’t want to have to leave it all again Mama. Please
god used the tarot to help me see beyond what I had been told Mam