Being Adopted is like being a rat in an experiment and also having to be the scientist? Because the characters in the scene don’t necessarily understand plot structures? They try?
I was forced to have to feel it all. And also forced by my conscience to report my findings and much like a mouse who can’t speak properly? Find a way too.
- Being Adopted made me the observer of the family that I was not from and also caused me to compare. Everyone does that. So did I.
- Which proves. I had cellular memory. And only needed to find my Mama and get in her sphere to activate it. Wow. Is right.
- My life proved another woman could not take her place. But she could try. Just wasn’t gonna happen. And I was not going to sell out to the devil and join in with all those damning Mama.
Many don’t even know what loyalty looks like. Well take a look at me. Loyal to the bone. To My Mama. Who sold me out. Trafficked me? To the devil. Probably thinking I was going to be a devil when I grew up? What a thought indeed. I hope not? But? There is evidence to kind of lead me to believe she did. Her actions and what she’s said to me while I’ve been asking for her help.
Mama. Has forgotten what loyalty looks like. Well Mama? Hello. What in the hell were ya thinking? Well stop! Thinking! And follow your heart? The heart always knows what to do. And I am wondering why you would even say God would tell you not to come to me? Like what the hell?
Victoria has only been spouting what is with you all around. I get that. She’s a truth sayer. But this is just huge! Like wow! Like a big clog in a drain? And I am your daughter. And at least have a computer and phone while waiting in this garage for you?
So that I can pump that stomach of yours? Of the toxins you also picked up from my experiences? Yeah. Being connected means? You were sick too. If I went through trauma? You felt it. Brain problem? Barbara Marie? Could be sympathy pains from all my head injuries? It’s happens in unusual cases. This is an unusual case.
And study of my own life. Which is worth a lot. I thought to you? Maybe I am all wrong? Why would my own Mama still love me? This woman doesn’t seem to anymore or ever did for that matter? She tells me to go away. Leave! And I’m like what the hell? You don’t even like me do you? She does not answer. Which is an answer.
Being an adopted child is a job. For the child. These people were not ready for me? They had there own ideas of me? I had to fit into them? Meaning to alter my whole self to adapt? Which is not my natural nature. I moved away to have kids to be able to be myself without Mama Jean over me telling me How to do it all day.
Being Adopted is like giving someone who’s phone service has been cut off your phone. And they take pics and buy shit and download a bunch of app for no good reason except themselves. And crack your screen before they hand it back? Broken. Oppps? You shouldn’t have let me use it? I’m climbs they say as they hand it back? And you learn the lesson of why they did not get their own kid?
Yeah. I learned the lesson. My son says it all day? Why did you adopt ? When Mama Jean says what she say. It’s like we all are an interruption? Angela seems to be the common ground. And as I try to try? I’m just tired and like why? What is this use? She’s telling me her truth. She could care less about me. Can’t even lift up her head to look at me? She’s to busy watching tv and drinking. Like my whole life.
She’s got my Mama buffaloed. She got my kids buffaloed. She’s got the town buffaloed. And can’t fool me so she wants me to go. No long is she able to hide her distain from my son who’s got a keen eye. And yet has become numb to it? And why should any of us have too?
Micro management at the highest level. Codependent at the core. She got what she wanted from me like I am a whore. Used me for her dream and fucked me up so bad I can’t even go home like a scared white girl after an Indian gets done marking her. Wants to send me home? Sick.
having to observe. And say only what your told to say? I wasn’t very good at that. But had impeccable timing as to when to bomb them in protest. Crazy people don’t recognize healthy folks? I recognize my own Mamas energies.
And Mama Jeans. Angela’s. David’s. Blah blah blah.
It’s energy overload these days as our world turns and tunes. And yeah Mama. I got God’s ear? Like do you know how much I’ve prayed for this? Come on girl? Get a grip on yourself?
How could you not even see? How amazing you are to me and in me springing our wanting to be noticed by her Mama? What can a stranger even see in you? But skin? And eyes? But I know the soul within. Where I came from?