Change is hard.

I remember when change first came to me back in 1963. Young. I was exposed to a change that would forever change me and the way I see the world and my Mamas.

And after so long of two woman just plodding along down their merry lanes it must be quite a shock to finally hear audibly my cry? Took a long time for that scream to escape my lips for the tying of my Mother’s hands over my mouth.

To save who? Me? Or to save face?

And if these woman really were trying to save me now they would not be acting this way now would they? Would they be all up in their heads trying to kick me out when I was the one who made it happen for both of them? Altered reality. That’s the alter I was sacrificed on for them to have their dreams.

And now. I want what’s due to me. For doing just that for them. But they don’t feel they need to pay up and let me have my dream? A family? All together? Working properly and acting like what we all are? Connected.

I paid with my own life. To deliver. And for 30 years they had the wedded bliss with me? Each their own saga of who I was to them. Each content to keep me discontent. And now that I ask for unity. They call me crazy. Crazy is who you all are. I see.

My giving only made you selfish and self centered. My life didn’t mean shit to either of you. Look at yourselves. Clearly I am upset and have asked for help repeatedly from both of you? To be pushed away and told I need help? Who raised and trained me? You two! How dare you!! How dare you both! Accuse me of what you both clearly are.

Scammed by Adoption. The jokes on you both. To think that this is ok? Like wow. Yeah. God didn’t know what god was doing sending me to you Linda? Right? No. Left. Which way is it anymore? Neither of you know the truth.

I am the truth. My words hot like salt on the wounds of your mind? Thinking Hod would agree? Why don’t you both get some help? Cuz I am fine. Just scratching my head? Thinking what a shame you both are now.

Shaming me. A child. Calling me illegitimate. I’m legit. The shame is on you for not seeing. People just left you this way. But not me. I give a shit about both my Mamas mental healthy.

Blocking’s not healthy.

You can’t block god anyway.

If you two want any shred of hope and success. You better get in line behind me. Cuz without me? The world will eat you up for this dumb ass shit. No lie.

Tell me I don’t know the truth? I’ve known the truth since day one. Woman are fucked and then left with the bag and don’t even want the bag? That’s a gift? Woman are selfish. Yes. We are. Unless we get our own gift of life?

Children are a blessing. Even if you don’t understand at first. Just watch as they open themselves. How can my girls feel good about themselves when their own Mama is not celebrated and is called crazy? Hmmm?

Those free will tickets hurt when you wave them around like swords not realizing who your cutting is yourselves. Off from the blessing stuck in the nightmares. You created by not seeing Adoption is a scam on you both.

Woman must learn to do better. See each other better. It’s not about first and last. It’s about win win. How will we make this a win now?

Well. Maybe you should let this expert show ya how. Cuz I’ve been watching this shit show for days. Ive got a lot of great ideas if you two queenies can step down and let me work?

Yeah. You’ve run up on a rock. This story line has mad mistakes in it. It’s cut off here and shoots to nowhere there. Let the story mender work her magic. Or do you really need to wreck this ship anymore than you have so far these days backing up and slamming forward?

I do have a way better way lady’s. But I’ll need a payment first.

Respect. Yeah. Pay up for putting up with all this rigamorrow you all cooked up back in the day. We need a new recipe. I know just the thing. Do you think you can trust me now? Like I had to trust you two? Hmmm? Can you be brave like I had to be at a moments notice? Seems I’ve been quite generous with my time? Waiting on your trust? Trust that was demanded of me at so young?

Yes. You owe me respect. And I’ve earned it having to listen to your bullshit. Scam. Idea. The jokes on you both if you can’t see. Which is sad. Sad for my children. Sad for your children including me to have to witness such ignorance.

I don’t k ow how to say it any other way would delude it. I’m so over delusions. Aren’t you?

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psychecafe

I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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