I’m sitting here just playing cards and easing my mind. And hopefully Mamas mind too.
Taking time to show your Mama that time can never erase a daughter love for her Mama. And her honor. Many people in my life got it all wrong. So I took time. Spent time. Setting them straight.
Now I am here setting in straight in a big way. So everyone can see. If they even want to. I said it all. Did it all. Lived it all. Cuz of my Mama. Both of them.
Below is a picture. I look a bit rough. For my standards. Standards I have put down for a mi it’s while I straighten this out.
And I want it clear.
I love my Mama. Respect my Mama enough. To tell her my truth even if I know she’s already hurting, to end the hurt. Any hurt that would keep her separated from me in anyway. Because folks. She’s earned it.
Just because she may see now what affect she had on me, and adjust to it, does not even mean, in any way her love for me could diminish. She can shew me away and my sisters too. The truth is she loves me anyway.
She let me run. And chose not to stop me. Because on her deepest level. She knew this was the way. And that I would get her to the other side. She knew I was the mountain. And I moved for her sake. For all our sake.
Because it’s time for Mama to live again. Anew. Fresh. With no mistakes in it kind of life. As we watch our past burn as it’s corpse sails on the high seas and the bagpipes play.
I am wearing Phil’s jacket. And it’s comforts me about a quiet man who loves my Mama so much, and asked really deep and profound questions to help me see. How precious she really is. So grateful for that man. So grateful. Indeed.
He did his best. And his best was enough. And no one can take his place. Ever. He is timeless and poetic. A beam of light in Mamas world. Still shinning. Never ending. In her. Within her. He is preserved forever more and in all directions of time. He lives on in my sisters and his son. In grandchildren. In all who know him.
See? He’s not gone at all. He’s just transcended his body. His spirit is connected to us who knew him and still choose to know him and connect to his wisdom. He learned a lot in his lifetime. And I am ok with saying, he’s helped me since his bodies expiration. Songs and feelings. He send me signs. And I know he’s near me.
Sends me songs to send to Mama. I just do it. She may need it. She may feel down and lost without him now. It’s like his spirit tugs on mine. Please tell her I love her. I’m not gone. So Romantic. He lets me feel his love for her and it’s so deep. Unnervingly deep.
I was visiting with Mama on one of my recent trips. And she took me around the house to show me the things he had carved for her. All around her. Memories of a man who took the time to make things for her with his hands and heart. And she remembers him. So vivid are her memories of him and her and their life.
Well? She talks about him being a butt at the end. Driving her crazy. But she would take any of it back. No. She was crazy about him. She really is. He was a big bear hug of a man. Who loves her still as the winds blow by. His song can still be heard by those who listen.
Like this song below.
Come Mama. Let’s heal now. Xoxo.
It’s just an Ego Mama. You’re way more than that old thing. Xoxo