As I throw out what’s in her mental attic, tagged, described, explained why it needs to go, Mamas feeling a bit lighter. Cuz she now must realize how much I get about her. And how patient I have been all these reunited years for my turn with my own Mama. Long suffering takes on a whole new meaning to my Mama, as she sees maybe for the first time, the price I chose to pay for her happiness.
With a set of lungs like these I have? They would have figured out, quickly, what I wanted to really do. And in some way, I knew better then to bother Mama then. So I paid my way home by sharing my love for my Mama with the people in my life. They seemed to need it more than Mama back then. So I just loved them like I love Mama. I had more than enough to share as I waited my turn and followed the words of Jesus.
Healing coals upon their heads with the love from Linda in me. I did fight with a few. I was no saint. I was the daughter of a woman who’s DNA made me. I took that seriously and worked hard on my reputation, as her relinquished child. People don’t say it out loud, but actions can tell a lot about someone if you pay attention. They wonder what she was like. And my Daddy too. So I showed everyone who my parents were and who they were to me. Everything.
I have all. Like a girl girl does when she wants folks to see the best in their parents even the parents don’t realize folks are talking all kind of smack about them. Behind you back or when they think your not paying attention? Or. They think your dumb. Always loved that one.
But I’m grown now. And so are my siblings. And this is how way off Adoption has left us all at the end of the growing. One sisters wants her family. And the family still thinks that it’s an option in God’s eyes? Like way off. So even thought I have pointed out All of our miss takes? Including exposing my own in the process? The point is not the point. The pint is to help us change.
And God’s shown me. Eagle Mama begin to put thorns in the nest when it’s time for her children to begin to fly. She makes I uncomfortable when they need to be what they were born and capable of doing which is fly. She licks them out and they fly. It just kicks in.
I am flying. And I’ve done well with what I got given. Takes more than one to succeed in Adoption. It’s not all on us children for not knowing. None of our parents know what we know now from experiencing what’s it like living without Mama and knowing she’s alive still. It’s a cruel game to leave children ignorant in a country that used to be so great?
It’s happening at the Mexican border right now. No one gives a shit. And it’s time we do.
My Mama needs to know I am flying. And I can fly and cry at the same time? I am not broken just bent in a weird chaos from having to adapt to such a change in my script with no warning, no new script? No manual? And she’s flying too. Loving me over there and trying not to hurl from all my truth learned from me about being her girl in a strange town. That’s how it is. The rest is just bullshit.
That’s when the new story becomes clear. After the rain of tears and releasing of toxins. Mama has needed to cry. They taught woman to hold it in which is wrong and it actually causes harm. It inhibits proper healing of mental traumas. And excuse me for lancing her mind to let her pose to healing and cry alone with God while I prayed her through it. Excuse me for even thinking Mama might need to cry and heal of her own broken heart? Excuse me sisters. For going there? For her cuz you could even see it.
You see it now. And I’ll not allow you to keep acting like you do. Mama deserves better from us all now that I’ve cleared some air around here and she can breath. Support her getting to know her own daughter will ya? I don’t care what she did or didn’t do. Can’t ya see that yet? Or are you gloating to much cuz you think I am getting one up in her? Hmmm?
I love her enough to say, no, this way Mama. Trust me. Fear not. God is with us Mama. I walk through the darkness. I’ll walk you back through. Fear not. God loves us both. It’s all gonna work out ok. Your under my wing now Mama. No one can hurt you more than this. You made it and I am back like you asked me too the day you said goodbye to me. Please come back and save me from this fate. Please don’t hate me. I’m doing the best I can.
Well? Now we know better Mama. And we can use our wisdom to make it better for way more woman.
Now Mama. Rest at ease. It’s all out. And I skipped grace all over it. Already forgave you along the way. Told a lot of people off about what they said for you. You’re welcome. I know you appreciate that. I do. If those girls can’t get the hell ip and plan a party? And grow the hell up and remember bringing Nick into the house who was not blood? Like let’s just go spend time without them around?
- Also. This end all grudges kept about Mama including theirs. If I can forgive you and we all now know how hard it was. Then? That’s just sick of them to be so unforgiving. And greedy.
- Like my kids share me! They bring all kind of people to me to love them with my love for you? So sad they turned out that way Mama. It’s not your fault they won’t see? Or choose to not see or take a look?
- Your whole life has been about giving. I see that? Yes. I do. And you feel terrible about all I went through. Yes. I see that. And you probably felt like you had it coming. The truth finally. Cuz you could smell it on me Mama like I smelled it on you.
- We just could see for holding it so long?
- The shame is now on them for not waking up to smell that coffee of yours and to smile at how much you gave them that I did not get to have? And to wanna share you. Your love is all I really know and it moves mountains Mama.
- Why? Would god give any child anything other than love for their Mama? It just doesn’t make sense. I feel you’ve hated yourself for this. And it’s time to stop all that fuzz. And just open your heart and receive love from me now. It’s my gift to you.
- I’ve just been prying those mental constraints off you. It’s not your fault you got stuck like that. It’s not. That’s the only thing you could do.
- But it’s time to let that go and hold onto me. Ok? Go on just grab on. I’m strong. I’m home to protect you now.
- And all I want is your love and time back. Maybe cook some and laugh a lot together. We all did make it through.
- Only thing is. I never stopped loving you. Xoxo