I sometimes wonder if Mama cries when I cry? Those are the answers I never got to see growing up? Does she cry alone like me? And need to take an antihist so her eyes won’t puff? Or was it my fathers side?
I wrote a lot today. Some days I admit I don’t post what I write. It’s raw and harsh the feelings I feel. It’s not easy being this sensitive. I warn people. Like my kids. Don’t make me have to correct you? If you say your here and leave? I’ll know. Like I wish I could turn it off. It seems to have intensified. Like damn radar. That’s why Chelsie hides from me? She thinks she can? Yet she can’t. I always find out. It’s crazy.
I see her there in the chin. The way I purse my lips.
Excuse the red eyes. Lack of sleep due to 7 puppies and dry eyes from crying a bit. Letting the river flow and get it out. Lots of energies I feel these days. It’s like feeling it all. But it is 11:39. I should drink some water. Good idea!
But. I see her. It’s like a ghost that lives inside you and you don’t realize it until you meet the ghost that’s has haunted you for life. Then it’s even weirder. And I kind of think it’s the same for Mama. Like oh! There you are. Maybe I show her parts of herself from days gone by? I mean she was not there to prune me?
Maybe I am a bit overgrown? Who knows? Seems she learned the quiet game too? I never liked that game. But I did learn a lot! About people and things. There’s a lot folks say and do. And when you quiet they forget your there and just let the cat out of the bag. I’ve seen a lot of cats out of their bags in this life it’s amazing what folks will do in front of an orphan that’s they would in-front of anyone else.
And not all of it’s bad. I’ve been asked to hold silly secrets that we’re not silly to the people who told me. Being quiet did gain me trust. But could I trust them? Not all of them? Most of the ones who wanted secrets kept were blabber mouths. I blab for a reason. A damn good one. If I’m taking. You should listen. Cus I do t waste my time on anything I don’t believe in. Or that God tells me to waste on.
It give me joy to waste time on people. Because if I waste time on them, someone somewhere will waste time on me. That’s called paying it forward giving. Ahead of time giving. Faith in motions giving. Knowing that the precept of giving is true. Testing it. To see it’s true. God does not ask any of us to blindly trust? It’s like dipping your foot into water, god does not demand we jump in. No.
My mamas just not sure about this pool of consciousness writing here called me. She never heard what I say? And I’m wicked. In a good way. Always. But like I use the word to create something and expose what is. Even if folks feel it’s horrible and shameful and feel guilty as hell. I’ve practice for. Giving for years for this day would come and I would be ready to battle with
Ephesians says. 6:12
New Living Translation
For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.
Now let me break it down for ya. It does take science to explain the meaning of this Scripture and a dictionary.
It’s saying our fight is not against flesh and blood per say. Meaning there is no need of blood shed. We are not enemies. Remember the Bible is written in the language of love and truth. Truth is a language. Yes. Love has a language too. And today it’s lopsided love lacking salt and sour. To much sweets can rot your souls purpose.
The evil rulers. What’s that? And authorizes of the unseen dark world. Now this ones deep. Not everyone will get this. I am bumping some doctrines here to explain an expansion of the scriptures into today’s lingo and consciousness. We have evolved folks!! Like it’s 2019 almost! It’s not 1900’s? So get with it.
Ok where is the darkness? In the unknown right? Where do we lack knowing? The mind. The mind is the dark place. The devil is in the mind. And the devils name is also called ignorance. Which is not knowing. Stay with me as I lead you. To understanding.
The mind is like a processor. Science. There are neural pathways all up inside the brain. Like roads. With inner sections where thoughts travel unless? Ignorance is present then the pathways is blocked for lack of knowledge. Like a puzzle without a piece. Oh my? What’s shall we do?
Never fear. God’s always here. Within waiting to help us create knowledge through learning what we need to shed light into blocked or dark inner-sections? The Bible is timeless but written in the language of past days that were filled with much blood shed as ignorant folks liked each other and Jesus for lack of knowing.
Did not Jesus say? Forgive them for they know not what they do? And yet god within him let us do that? Why? To mark the spot in this story line. To stop us. But we, meaning the whole of humanity have been banging around I darkness killing each other for years! For fear sake. Not for god sake. Because the code above says we don’t war with flesh and bone and no ones even seen this? Like this? And it’s time I speak up. It is insane how we just keep doing the same thing and calling it something else? Much like Adoption? And the times back then when everyone didn’t know how to do non hostile takeover. Like Moses tried to be non hostile. But pharaoh just had a strong mindset.
His pathways were block by his own ignorance from being king and no one standing up to his insanity to think himself the only god in town? God’s within us all. The church must get this. God is within and part of each of our on Baird systems called bodies? How have we missed this and chosen to stay stupid. Ignorant.
lack of knowledge or information.
“he acted in ignorance of basic procedures”
synonyms: incomprehension of, unawareness of, unconsciousness of, unfamiliarity with, inexperience with, lack of knowledge about, lack of information about; More
11 The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you.
And the church needs to stop waving hands and praying to the sky. Although all is God and god is all. So back to darkness and powers.
Powers is talking about patterns that keep us in a holding pattern and keep the mind stuck in same way thinking instead of expanding and growing it’s just recycled and named another name instead of being confronted.
Systems is an outward manifestation of this. We made them up. And we can remake them. But we struggle and change takes forever. Why? Lack of knowledge and laziness. Also nutrition is involved too. Earth is need for conductivity. Diatomaceous Earth is very vindictive and can soften the pineal gland. Which is what? Where the frontal lobe is. Which is what? The third eye area. Which is what? Forethought. For seeing.