No. I’m not ok. I am disturbed. I am disturbed to live in a world that believes a stranger can do a better job than your own Mother. I am perplexed at a system clearly out of date and the systemic psychosis that keeps humans turning a blind eye to abuse like Adoption.
Adoption is abuse. And I have been my Mamas willing victim, who’s now a researcher on steroids with a mission to rid this planet of Adoption. It’s is clear to me that no one even understand what the Bible is saying and telling the tales of long ago.
Children being Murdered, and a need for them to be sent down a river for their nationality? Jew, white, black, whatever, the way they get here? Like Jesus? Who’s Mama was clearly either a rape victim. I’m blowing the lid off this shit house. It stinks to high heaven here! And God within me has experienced enough to set it all straight with words spoken in truth by the child within me now grown and able to speak about her life as an Adopted child.
use (something) to bad effect or for a bad purpose; misuse.
“the judge abused his power by imposing the fines”
synonyms: misuse, misapply, misemploy; More
treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.
“riders who abuse their horses should be prosecuted”
The Convention deals with the child-specific needs and rights. It requires that the “nations that ratify this convention are bound to it by international law”. Ratifying states must act in the best interests of the child. In all jurisdictions implementing the Convention requires compliance with child custody and guardianship laws as that every child has basic rights, including the right to life, to their own name and identity, to be raised by their parents within a family or cultural grouping, and to have a relationshipwith both parents, even if they are separated.
The Convention obliges states to allow parents to exercise their parental responsibilities. The Convention also acknowledges that children have the right to express their opinions and to have those opinions heard and acted upon when appropriate, to be protected from abuse or exploitation, and to have their privacy protected, and it requires that their lives not be subject to excessive interference.
I protest that my rights were violated and proclaim denied and abused and my Mama the victim of fraud. By penalty of perjury. And I know what they word means. Mama Jean was county clerk and I spend many hours playing her quiet game at court and learned all I learned now to right this wrong. I am my own defense lawyer and my truth is all I need to prove the point. As I reclaim what’s by blood rights is mine.
You better believe it Mama. I’ve taught myself how to fight for what’s mine! Living with people who didn’t give a shit about me ever being anything but their clown. College? Lol. A career? Oh my. Funny. They never had a dream for me? I’m yours. Why would Mama Jean want your child to do well? Like wake up and smell the coffee woman? This is the truth. Mine.
And I’ll be damned if my own Mama who’s praying and reading her bible like. Good woman does, get dipped by some woman who’s not darken a church step for years!! And drinks and cusses at my son. Lunges at him. He’s recited it. It’s upsetting. And I’m done trying.
I want to come home. That’s all this girl needs is to hear her Mamas voice and smell that coffee and pray with her each morning. That’s all. So I can gain my strength back from giving to many shits about someone who’s sick and will never ever see my as a gift! I done.
And I’m not afraid to tell you here your way off the mark honey. Why? Cuz I’ve stood up to that woman and told her about young growing up! Yeah. I did. She thought she owned me and I was nothing more than a dog with a dress!
She feel asleep on the couch. Most likely drunk. She said she was sick. Lol. Sick from drinking cuz Daddy? Was out doing what he do. And she knew it. But could seem to get up and leave his ass? Why is that my problem? Oh. That’s right because you thought it would be so nice to donate me to a worthy cause? Fuck that. Excuse my French. I am no bandage for her soul. I’ve shown her as much as a child relinquished could?
It won’t sink into until I’m driving away with you. And Mama. Just get over it. This is the only way for any peace. Cuz? If baby ain’t happy? Mama ain’t happy. Get that! Your peace has been gone so long you’ve forgotten what it’s like? To feel peace. And peace ain’t in the Bible honey. It’s in me coming home for good sweet woman.
Yeah. I’ve felt the peace when I’ve come to you in my own heart. And it stayed until I had to go home. Anger is a Catalyst Mama. And God says be angry and sin not. Which means be angry and hit your mark. Sin- is a missed mark. And I am spot on on this one. Look at Chelsie Mama?
You did that. You helped her. Why can’t you help me? Just look at yourself? You’re amazing.
That’s why yesterdays words linger. You give a shit. That’s why. Mama jeans a spoiled child in an old woman’s body. She sick and out of her mind and need help. And I need help because of that. I’m so talented. But limited. She doesn’t tell me anything good. She never celebrated any success. Why? She did not want your child to succeed. Sick? Yes. I know. But true.
Go on. Ask Victoria the jealous one about Mama Jean who’s like a cactus around anyone who love me. She tries to chase them off. I really never had friends over growing up. No fiends I would dare bring over so Mama Jean could poison them with her words.
I remember people trying to say good things about me growing up to her. She would always tell them what a horrible trouble maker I was to make sure they knew your seed was bad. Sick. Sick. Sick. It made me sick all that toxic jealousy all because she couldn’t make a child of her own with my father? That’s what it’s like being raised by a narcissist.
She’s pinched me and made me be silent in public. And if I messed up? I paid dearly when I got home. I’ve gone hungry because of her. Look at my kids. Eating disorders. Wonder where that came from? It’s a pattern that came from me as I grew up trying to be so small so no one would reject me? Like come on.
So no. I’m not ok with this arrangement. And all I want is a chance to show you what I am made of. I want you to just accept me like it should have been. I want a second chance to prove you wrong, so you can see how damn good and right you are for this job of being my Mama.
I didn’t eat dinner tonite until David got it for me. I don’t want another thing from her, as she told me to leave her home because I told her I was tired of her complaining about every little thing. Like she always does. Aka my children how she speaks to me. Ask David how she treats me? And him. Because he’s much like me that precious boy. I’m just her trash can Mama. And I’m no trash can. I’m your child? Grown?
I looks around me at this garage as I sit in Angela’s bed and type this now. Boxes. Puppies a table. Stuff. But not you. I’d walk away from it all to win your heart Mama. Truth. I’ve got so much to give. And I’m tired of being abused and treated like shit because I dare to mention your name alone without a Be in front of it. God sure played a joke on her with that name. And She hates me talking about you Mama. Hates it. She lunges at me and growls like an animal. Ask David to send you the video as she call him a son of bitch? I told her that right! I am a bitch! And my sons amazing!
Wondering were I got such language? Look no more? From this woman who’s living in a bottle of vodka. Thanks to the fix of all fixes. adoption. I’m not a mistake. Adoption is a mistake. I don’t know that in your mental state at the time you would have done better? You never gave it a chance. But second chances are what god’s words tells us we can have.
Everyone in this town knows how she treated me. They saw it and did nothing! Nothing! But turn away. Will you turn away too?
My olive branch is extended to you dear woman. Will you finally accept it? Will you? Please be my Mama for real again? Please.