Navigating all this bullshit is madness. Make me want to disappear. Like why even? Might as well just let them loose too. Like me. That’s how I feel when trying to explain how it all felt and to have two woman who could give a shit about me is rough. They only love me when I am quiet and say what they want to hear from me? So sad.
I hate feeling like my own Moms put up with me? It’s just sick. And not the good kind of sick. It sucks so bad.
Boundaries? What boundaries? There are only Boundaries that are old fences that can no longer keep me in. I’ve grown up and out grew them long ago.
These woman act like they have never gotten a negative feedback? My adopted Mother’s said the most hateful things to me tonite. And I love her? And she chooses to tell me the meanest things. Those the past at me and wonders why I throw it back?
And my own Mama is so numb? She can’t see the trees for the forest? It’s so upsetting. Let it rain. Just let the tears fall. As I mourn it all. Trying to love someone who see me as a slut is hard. Hard as hell. Not sure my Mama give a rats ass. And I’m trying to so hard to make this so better.
This is my truth as I bulldoze through all this. It’s not easy to put you best foot forward. They both love my kids so much and hate me. Great. Just great.
Scotty. Beam me up please.
This is how it is right now. The picture I work to paint? Is way better. But I wonder if these lady’s even like art.