How do you go forward.

I’ve wondered this question many times in my life? Growing up like I have and feeling connected and yet severed to and from my own Mama has forced me to have to adapted and create a new way.

Being Adopted does not cut a person off from their family energies. This is what I’ve learned. And if the energies are not healthy? It leeks into all that you are.

Let me break it down for you.

Mama give me away

Realizes what she did

The deed was done.

She has never been happy about it

But she has coped with the decision.

She prayed I’d be ok

And I am.

But it wasn’t easy.

And had to come clean and tell her.

And my truth touched hers

And showered her

It’s was time

To wake up

And see

That God

Brought me back for as many chances to change what we can have now

She was so wounded that when I came back she thought it was me

That caused that pain

But it was just my touch that awakened her own pain.

Why?

To heal it.

She began to tell me her story

The one she told herself while I was gone

And that story just began to fall apart

And her pain had no place to go for resolution

My sisters can’t see it

It’s god who sees it

It’s god who lead me home to expose

The wound to the air and the light of day

So she could move away from that toxic story that now visible seen to not fit anymore

Mama had no script to go to beyond the old story she told herself.

That’s where God’s new story comes in

Its where healing coming in.

It’s where we begin again.

Mama and I can’t go forwards with an old story dragging us both back to time we each with would heal.

It’s been like we both were tied to an old past.

And I took the chance to untie ya from this old narrative.

So we can go on without all that past pain of separation.

I just chose to show up and do the work to receive the return.

Which is a way batter relationships with my Mama energy.

Which helps her to move forwards freer too

Why?

Cuz now she knows how much I love her.

I took the family on.

Wrote the side no one could see

And confronted an old narrative that was not truth so

My Mama could be set free

To be

The amazing woman that she is.

Which includes me.

Seems my family doesn’t know how to clean up a mess?

But with God all things are possible.

Even waking your Mama to a truth she was blinded in seeing before.

Listen. When you grow up without your Mama, and people tell you all kind of stories that in your heart you know are not the truth.

It leaves a hole.

That only Mama can fill?

Why? Cuz it’s hers to fill?

And no one else’s

Like Jesus is in me. So don’t think she’s my god? I have God.

But God just showed me if I would work and follow.

More is available when your Mamas still alive

There’s time to heal

There’s time to celebrate

A bond as strong a ours.

And I would feel like shit

If I did not give it my all

And do for it.

Come what may. I love my Mama.

A lot.

And moving forward is the only way.

So

That old shit

Had to go

Like snip snip

Cuz it’s Mama I want.

Not that old story that’s kept us confused and turned around for years.

A new year is here.

And this work I worked like a little bird dog.

To get through the wall of words that have held my Mama in a holding pattern

That was not productive at all

If we can’t even drink coffee and laugh when I come to call?

Some shit needed to be cleaned up

How my sisters act about it?

Is not up to me

It’s how Mama feels that matters.

And believe it or not.

I love her.

And love doesn’t leave Mama down and out and confused.

This is my gift to her.

A new day

A new way

A new life

Beyond our pain of separation.

Moving forward means letting go of what pulls you back.

And it’s all abound thoughts not people

That’s what I’ve been trying to show Mama.

It’s about how Mama thought it was

And how she wanted to keep thinking it was?

That’s it was all ok

When we both knew it was not?

Mama did not expect her baby to be this intelligent? No.

But surprise!!

I’ve worked to hard to stay silent and appear wise?

It’s time for a new truth.

It’s time for blessing to abound

Its time for life to have new meaning

And a new chapter to rock the planet

When a child speaks up

And her Mama hear her after so many years of ignoring a call she could not answer.

The road is clear now

And she can answer the call

And know that blessing will follow.

Her everywhere

Now that both our eyes are open

And love didn’t even care? Meaning it just mowed that old stuff away?

And now it’s just mulch for our garden of our new life!!

It’s exciting when you really get what’s going on here with me and Mama?

I do feel strongly that our ancestors are with us both.

That god’s allowing them to support us now through this transition

I do feel my father energies have helped me.

I’m not shamed to say that truth.

Theresa Caputo has paved the way.

So I could even say that.

And I am grateful for her.

This is how important this transition is

To our heritage.

I refuse to leave my Mama thinking such things as she’s spoken to me.

I am unable to walk away from her?

God. Will not let me give up on her

Why?

Because God has never given up on her

And God loves her so much.

That I went against the grain

To turn the tide.

January is full speed ahead.

Our new chapters ready to begin now.

That Mama really know who she gave birth too? Lol

It’s not funny and yet it is so cute.

So beautiful.

As I work like a good processor to cut all that’s old up and to make a salad out of it.

To serve to the world who told me

My Mama did not care about me

You wait and see!!

My Mama loves me.

.

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