The word says that god has not given us a spirit of fear.

The word says that god has not given us a spirit of fear, but power, love and a sound mind.

So, who or where does fear come from and what exactly is fears purpose?

F- false

E- evidence

A- appearing

R- real

I’ve known that fear is a false sense for years. How to handle it is everyone’s job.

Some project their fears.

Some stuff them

I face them head on. I learned to do that the day I was born. I face the fear of loosing Mama. And chose to have faith and to be brave to get her back.

Fear and what if are friends. But faith is friends with what if too.

Like, “what if everyone’s wrong?”, “would if it’s all a big misunderstanding?” What it Mama does love me?” ” what if she’s scared?”

I think to myself, ” why not believe for the best?”, “this is the worst, why not try to straighten Mama out?” ” what if she knew what this was like?, maybe she could change her mind and see it differently?”

If fear is not of God then what is fear and where did it come from?

What I’ve found out about fear? Is fear is instinct. Instinct to run when we don’t understand and are sacred. People fear what they don’t understand. Like gay marriage. And sex without a license especially if a baby come from it? People have sex all the time without a license to conceive a legitimate baby? My Mama got caught holding the baby bag back in the day which was a no no. According to the church doctrine of the day, Mama was a bad girl who was a rebel.

Fear came to call on my Mama back then. And I had to go for fear sake. But fears not of God, so god brought me home to her to teach her a lesson about faith. Fear, would pack up and leave after my words hit her brain. Fear would have no place to hide within my Mama, god made sure I would succeed by teaching me to face my own fears without her. I overcame my biggest fear three years ago by facing my fear of rejection from her.

What I learned was that Mama rejected herself back then, she just attached it to me. Blamed it on me and my Daddy and other reason she added as she went along life’s way without me. I came back to set her straight. It’s the most loving thing to do. Mamas feared to long her own rejection so deep she could not see it until she looked at me. She could not see her own anger until she saw it in me? And I faced my fear as she faced her, and I did not let go of her as we walked the road to faith together.

Her every fear was false. I prove that.

If a person sees fear and anger in a child made from love? Yeah. She was loaded with fears. So I went to hunting inside Mamas head to shoot those fears down after exposing them to my light. You know it’s funny how instinctual it was seeing Mamas fears. I cried with her as she woke up to what she had down and what I felt about it. It was not easy seeing Mama living a lie and waking up to the truth. But I did not give up on her. I believe in her as much as I believe in God within her.

The church can call a fear. Pray about a fear. God and god’s words rightfully spoken can arrest a fear to change it to faith. It’s deep what God has me doing with and for my Mama and me. Which includes the whole family.

The benefit of this healing of fear will set us all free and is setting us free of fears as we all face it together publicly. It’s liberating. When you just let go and trust that what god thinks and what we each think is more Important than what anyone else thinks about it?

I do care about what my Mama thinks? Yes. So I took my time, time I can not get back and spent it on her. To change her mind like a radio station. I jammed her station so she would change it, I made her ears bleed in regards to her old station of choice. Like a trumpet. Like Gideon. I made those walls and lies fall with my song of truth.

Mama could not see me or hear me for the old stations blaring over the top of such a song of love? Yes. There was tragedy? I lost my Mama so young? And I never really got to mourn and accept that a loss what’s had. I feared rejection if I told of my loss and love for my own Mama beyond Mama Jean? It’s like if I love my own Mama, I am not supposed to love my Adopted Mama and Visa versa. Or I don’t have enough love for both and I call bullshit!

I’ve worked hard to love and respect them both and have felt very disrespected by them for not even giving me credit? All they see is there shit in me and that’s tragedy. They need to see what I did with their shit? I spread it all over and changed a bunch of people. Shit on a garden makes yummy veggies and fruits to eat. I’ve nourished my life by learning about my Mamas shit and have taken the time to address it.

No one just leaves shit all around. It stinks up the place. Mental shit too. It stinks up stuff and must be addressed and used properly to grow new things. When we learn from our shit we grow mentally and spiritually. That’s what I have learned without my Mama around?

That my Mama thought and believed that I would never come back to her is astounding. That took a minute to take in? I was shocked? It was like a glitch? I write here to get the word out that children go home. Please change your mindset about it. It’s in our nature to do so? It’s instinct too.

Facing fears is the only way to grow. Facing my Mamas was the biggest fear. And it was hard on us all. But I believe facing fears is best. Stuffing only causes issues that in the end must be faced so why not just face it. I feel many health issues are rooted in fear. Trusting is hard that’s a fact.

But do we just give up and let fear take us over or are we supposed to use faith to gain trust in a higher power and shred fear? I say steed fear and gain clod hard facts hard won with faith and trust in a God, universe that is love?

Yes. We see fear all day like a wet blanket taking the faith right out of folks? Do we just lay down and die wet and fearful? Is that what scripture says? No. I say? To solve any equation one must do the work. I’ve done the work and continue to do and show my work. Why?

Because I know that is my light in a world filled with dark fears. Darkness is just ignorance.

My feelings about darkness is this, pay attention while the lights are on. The teacher always turns the lights out during the test. Remember where things are and feel your way through the rest, be brave and maintain faith in the face of doubt and disbelief keep your head. Love is what we solve for. And I was like a dead woman going home. Written off yet still alive and kicking. I found home with God’s help. Rocked my Mamas world. She rocked mine for 9 months. I rocked myself from the day I was separated from her. I don’t like hugs much. I long for hers.



I am an Adapted, artist, Mother, a soul, a human, singer, writer, activist, minister and deprogrammer and reprogrammer of minds. And I am here because we need to change how you see it, a lot of things that is. For us Adoptees who have lived in the dark. We were cut off from our families. And that is sad people.

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