Important. Chelsie

it’s really sucks when folks don’t take me seriously. For them that is.

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Navigating all this bullshit is madness. Make me want to disappear. Like why even? Might as well just let them loose too. Like me. That’s how I feel when trying to explain how it all felt and to have two woman who could give a shit about me is rough. They only love me when I am quiet and say what they want to hear from me? So sad.

I hate feeling like my own Moms put up with me? It’s just sick. And not the good kind of sick. It sucks so bad.

Boundaries? What boundaries? There are only Boundaries that are old fences that can no longer keep me in. I’ve grown up and out grew them long ago.

These woman act like they have never gotten a negative feedback? My adopted Mother’s said the most hateful things to me tonite. And I love her? And she chooses to tell me the meanest things. Those the past at me and wonders why I throw it back?

And my own Mama is so numb? She can’t see the trees for the forest? It’s so upsetting. Let it rain. Just let the tears fall. As I mourn it all. Trying to love someone who see me as a slut is hard. Hard as hell. Not sure my Mama give a rats ass. And I’m trying to so hard to make this so better.

This is my truth as I bulldoze through all this. It’s not easy to put you best foot forward. They both love my kids so much and hate me. Great. Just great.

Scotty. Beam me up please.

This is how it is right now. The picture I work to paint? Is way better. But I wonder if these lady’s even like art.

Like this is gratitude!! In motion!! Pushing.

Gratitude is an action word.

And this woman is grateful.

For a life. And a blessing.

To expand her life and include her Mother in it.

What I’ve witnessed with me and Mama is that we both were wounded.

And eat time we came together? We bumped the wounds? And it hurt us both? And was so confusing. To us both?

Like we both love God. That’s clear.

We worship and study differently? Our understanding are different and the same.

But the love is the same love.

And my gratitude demanded that I step forward and be honest.

To show Mama a wider viewpoint?

Mine was expanded as I watch her response to my honest truth.

Shock, dismay, blocking, misunderstandings, confusion, and tears. Even if she cried alone trying to be strong?

And I’m just saying? A child feels that shit. The whole family feels that shit. I am the one writing about it, so I say me. Since my sisters can’t y’all about it? I am.

Why? Cuz it matters. I just won’t let Mama keep thinking the same as she has? And that is a good thing!

Look at the facts.she abandoned me.

Gave me up for adoption

She’s worried about me for 55 1/2 years.

Next years? It’s really gonna be so squeaky clean? Thanks to me? Coming clean about our addiction to an old energy of pain and loss? Will be amazing. I speak it into being! Now. With my own words I command this storm to calm between me and she.

I’ve ground my Mama back into her whole self. Touched each wound. Cut it. Allowed it to ooze,, cleaned it, Medicated it with validation of its existence, dressed it., kisses it. And sapped a big Grace bandage on it. And now tell her here. It’s gonna be ok Mama.

It can heal now Mama. It’s all gonna be ok. Now. I prayed for you to Mama. I got the messages and that’s what gave me strength to go through this life without you, yet holding your prayers sent to me by a loving god who own the party line and let me listen to you pray for me. God is able. To do that.

And to write the nasty things and words I was exposed too. Proves. Your prayers were answered and you dear woman, were connected. To me. Praying me through. Stop hiding that light of yours!! Lol.

This lighthouse owes you this gratitude. Due to those precious prayer thrown up to God. To those knees that fell in prayer for me when I needed it so much. So much Mama. So much. Thank you. I felt it. I wanted you to know from me. That I felt those prayers along life’s way.

And I knew. All along. It was you. Praying for me. Maybe your mind thought I would not? But? That’s just cuz maybe you did t know how awesome you are? Let me tell you. Over and over and over till the end. How grateful this girl is that God made me away where there was no way, and you too Mama. You too.

Gratitude for me is a verb. It’s an emotions in motions of gratitude. It’s in the way I love my life. It’s why I call all the time. It’s why I bother my kids and follow them on Social media. I’m grateful for all of you. Grateful for the gift we all have right here to even know each other and learn about each other and to become richer for it? Wiser for it? More Whole for it.

I care and act. And cleaning up a 55 1/2 year old misunderstand is worth this work I’ve dedicated my life to. For my Mama needs this gift. Grace does not erase what’s happened. Grace says you’re forgiven anyway. And to withhold forgiveness from myself is to withhold it from others. And if I can tell my terrible awful and live on beyond it? So can everyone?

Letting go means to learn the lesson? It’s not we that hold on? It’s the lesson needing learning that holds us until we plays the tests. This is our lesson Mama. And as we both choose to stop resistance to what is. What is is we’ve been given a blessing to have one another back and we need to accept it and see what god’s trying to show us both?

What I’ve seen about letting go? Is it takes more than one to do it? And God’s always leading us to let go, by learning the lessons. And once we have passed? The challenger, who is always god testing us, releases. It allows a new narrative to emerge. And all the emotions just fade away as joy can take over the places sorrow was hidden within for lack of validation. By validating myself I’ve validated my Mama and our struggles were real. And we both love one another and have been working through confusion to clear our minds of all that’s just not what we want going forward.

This work I’ve done is what psychiatrist teach. Healthy mindsets can confront unhealthy mindsets and cause a reset.

I’ve done my inner child work before all of you.

I stoped talking about my inner child and her issues and I called her to front to speak her truth safe with my adult self to protect her and shown my Mama the highest love of all! Self love! Even a part of herself she may have not been so happy about? I showed her! Lol.

What my love looks like! Feels like as it pushed all the lies away. Perfect love casts out fear! And I cleaned my Mamas house of fears and faced them with her. Even if she did not read this? It still works. I spoke it into being. Just like God spoke everything. I am made in God’s image and likeness. And I prayed for the highest good! Not some cheap trick shit. Highest good for Mama and anyone I know for that matter.

Adopted Children know what grateful means. Show it. That’s what it means! Actions. Even if your hearts broken. Give. Give. And don’t talk about your Mama. Cuz we don’t want to hear it. We don’t know how to deal with that? So suck it up and be the best of what we want you to be? Which is weird since Adopted parents don’t even know who we came from? Why would they even have a clue as to what we are capable of? Yeah know?

But I am well aware of what makes my Mamas happy. And it’s taken a bit of tearing down of the old ideas to make room for what I see as a way better way. I see these two woman as friends. It’s frustrates me to know end they can not see this? They are like Thelma and Louise. In my life they are a couple of renegades who said? Ok. Together without even meeting?

And these lady’s held it together as long as they could for me. And I see it. That’s what’s beyond all that old goo. Mama Jean Adopted me, and Mama went on without the stain I made on her? Like that’s some love?

My question to Mama would be. Why would Mama Jean want to hoard me? Why would she not want to share me back to you? You shared me with her did you not? Wouldn’t she want you to be proud that we all made it through? Wouldn’t she love to celebrate both your successes with me? I believe after living with Mama Jean for years that I do know she would love to know you and be accepted by you.

That is what I work for at the end of this tornado of words. It’s not about faults. Cuz I’ve covered that shit show. Now? It’s about strength. It’s about a bond you share with her through me? It’s healing redemption and love in the highest form. I wanted you ready to accept it.

She’s different than you Mama and just as amazing. Beyond all our supposed faults? Love is here holding us together for it is recorded at the courts house that it is now so. And is so. You both signed up for this with me. And I am grateful for you both equally. In different ways.

Say hello to your 55 1/2 year best friend Mama. Mama Jean. Is so caring. She’s pictured here at the VA with Angela. Loving even children of me I gave birth too. It’s stupendous. It’s love Mama for you. She loved you in me. And my Daddy. Look at her. Those soft eyes and calm Demeanor.

Look at your true best friends. Who hung onto me when folks told her not too? She’s why I work so hard with you Mama. She wants this too. But is proud. Like you. So I stepped up to the plate to get this snow ball going.

Because that what I ultimately see. Gratitude demanded it of me. And all that old shit was in all of our ways. Xoxo

Take heart Mama. Celebrate. Your daughter loves you so much. Xoxox.

I wanted you to see it.

How do you go forward.

I’ve wondered this question many times in my life? Growing up like I have and feeling connected and yet severed to and from my own Mama has forced me to have to adapted and create a new way.

Being Adopted does not cut a person off from their family energies. This is what I’ve learned. And if the energies are not healthy? It leeks into all that you are.

Let me break it down for you.

Mama give me away

Realizes what she did

The deed was done.

She has never been happy about it

But she has coped with the decision.

She prayed I’d be ok

And I am.

But it wasn’t easy.

And had to come clean and tell her.

And my truth touched hers

And showered her

It’s was time

To wake up

And see

That God

Brought me back for as many chances to change what we can have now

She was so wounded that when I came back she thought it was me

That caused that pain

But it was just my touch that awakened her own pain.

Why?

To heal it.

She began to tell me her story

The one she told herself while I was gone

And that story just began to fall apart

And her pain had no place to go for resolution

My sisters can’t see it

It’s god who sees it

It’s god who lead me home to expose

The wound to the air and the light of day

So she could move away from that toxic story that now visible seen to not fit anymore

Mama had no script to go to beyond the old story she told herself.

That’s where God’s new story comes in

Its where healing coming in.

It’s where we begin again.

Mama and I can’t go forwards with an old story dragging us both back to time we each with would heal.

It’s been like we both were tied to an old past.

And I took the chance to untie ya from this old narrative.

So we can go on without all that past pain of separation.

I just chose to show up and do the work to receive the return.

Which is a way batter relationships with my Mama energy.

Which helps her to move forwards freer too

Why?

Cuz now she knows how much I love her.

I took the family on.

Wrote the side no one could see

And confronted an old narrative that was not truth so

My Mama could be set free

To be

The amazing woman that she is.

Which includes me.

Seems my family doesn’t know how to clean up a mess?

But with God all things are possible.

Even waking your Mama to a truth she was blinded in seeing before.

Listen. When you grow up without your Mama, and people tell you all kind of stories that in your heart you know are not the truth.

It leaves a hole.

That only Mama can fill?

Why? Cuz it’s hers to fill?

And no one else’s

Like Jesus is in me. So don’t think she’s my god? I have God.

But God just showed me if I would work and follow.

More is available when your Mamas still alive

There’s time to heal

There’s time to celebrate

A bond as strong a ours.

And I would feel like shit

If I did not give it my all

And do for it.

Come what may. I love my Mama.

A lot.

And moving forward is the only way.

So

That old shit

Had to go

Like snip snip

Cuz it’s Mama I want.

Not that old story that’s kept us confused and turned around for years.

A new year is here.

And this work I worked like a little bird dog.

To get through the wall of words that have held my Mama in a holding pattern

That was not productive at all

If we can’t even drink coffee and laugh when I come to call?

Some shit needed to be cleaned up

How my sisters act about it?

Is not up to me

It’s how Mama feels that matters.

And believe it or not.

I love her.

And love doesn’t leave Mama down and out and confused.

This is my gift to her.

A new day

A new way

A new life

Beyond our pain of separation.

Moving forward means letting go of what pulls you back.

And it’s all abound thoughts not people

That’s what I’ve been trying to show Mama.

It’s about how Mama thought it was

And how she wanted to keep thinking it was?

That’s it was all ok

When we both knew it was not?

Mama did not expect her baby to be this intelligent? No.

But surprise!!

I’ve worked to hard to stay silent and appear wise?

It’s time for a new truth.

It’s time for blessing to abound

Its time for life to have new meaning

And a new chapter to rock the planet

When a child speaks up

And her Mama hear her after so many years of ignoring a call she could not answer.

The road is clear now

And she can answer the call

And know that blessing will follow.

Her everywhere

Now that both our eyes are open

And love didn’t even care? Meaning it just mowed that old stuff away?

And now it’s just mulch for our garden of our new life!!

It’s exciting when you really get what’s going on here with me and Mama?

I do feel strongly that our ancestors are with us both.

That god’s allowing them to support us now through this transition

I do feel my father energies have helped me.

I’m not shamed to say that truth.

Theresa Caputo has paved the way.

So I could even say that.

And I am grateful for her.

This is how important this transition is

To our heritage.

I refuse to leave my Mama thinking such things as she’s spoken to me.

I am unable to walk away from her?

God. Will not let me give up on her

Why?

Because God has never given up on her

And God loves her so much.

That I went against the grain

To turn the tide.

January is full speed ahead.

Our new chapters ready to begin now.

That Mama really know who she gave birth too? Lol

It’s not funny and yet it is so cute.

So beautiful.

As I work like a good processor to cut all that’s old up and to make a salad out of it.

To serve to the world who told me

My Mama did not care about me

You wait and see!!

My Mama loves me.

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How are you gonna fill your pages?

Letting go of the past is not like just dropping a napkin into the trash can and walking away. I’d like to make that clear here. Maybe you can just let go of your own Mama and just skip down the road? But I won’t. If I’m skipping down the road of life? It’s to get to my Mama? And also because of my Mama?

Loving and adoring you Mama is so basic. And everyone does it. Some boldly celebrate their Mamas. Some quietly celebrate their Mama? We make food like our Mamas did? We fold our clothes like our Mamas did? We act like our Mamas and many times when talking to our children? Say the things our Mamas said to us?

Mamas are the ground we grew in. If we all are made of dirt? And return to dirt? Then that’s like saying she’s the rock we were chipped from. Dirt is just ground up rocks anyway, mixed with sand, and organic matter. We are all organic matter. Our bodies breakdown after the spirit leaves us when we expire.

The Bible’s talks about a corner stone. Jesus represent the corner stone. A piece of matter, that matters a lot. I do believe the Bible is describing science before we called it science. Call me weird or whatever. You’ll see what I mean as you keep reading here and I tie it all together. There is a lot we all need to consider.

Science is God. There are many things science can’t explain? Like miracles we call them? Like healings? How does this happen? The god factor. That’s how? And science and spirituality have always been bed fellows. Science as the hard facts that now explain things. It’s doesn’t delete faith. Does not God say to Prove me? Like proving math?

My feeling is science and spirituality need to realize they are bed fellows? The relationship is so toxic between them that they can’t even relate it all? And yet I can see the connection? A orphaned woman who’s got Mommy issues? Sees the connections? Lol. That’s a definite God factor! Lol. I mean really folks. God loves to punk us with right hooks like that? Using someone who’s Seemingly small to say things those who are learned do not see?

Despite my own Mama calling me a lunatic? Lol.

Just because people don’t see who you are or your potential? Be who you are just the same. Shine your light. Until they see. Take the masks off. One by one. Show yourself who you really are beyond all the masks that reflect back to you from someone else who thinks your like them? We all are unique.

And please, Don’t hate me because I see my uniqueness as beauty? Just because you can’t seem to see beauty in yourself? Life is a series of “no, that’s not me”, moments. It doesn’t mean you have to walk away from someone that’s not like you? No. Disconnect does not create connections? It’s just about knowing yourself and knowing that in time, as you are you and they are they? And we learn each other? Accepting of strength and weaknesses. We learn what really counts is that connections with people who are different actually helps us grow in our humanities.

Tolerance leads to understanding

My Mama is a humanitarian. She works daily learning the precepts to practice them. She reads her bible. And prays and talks to God daily. She communes with God. Works at the church. Teaches people how cool yummy food for themselves. And I believe she’s right to do that. A malnourished body can’t do shit for shit?

She’s does many other things. Like being the best Mama she can. Yes. She does. And she did not realize. At all. What God was giving her when I rolled up back in 1992. I imagine lately she feels like the Devil has been visiting? Lol. No. The devils been working to keep my Mamas blessing away? How? Her body was just bound. And her mind stuck. Going along like that elephant that get tied to a post? For years? And then gives up and just stands by the post and doesn’t even realize it’s free? Yeah. Like that. A thick cord of words that worked like a spell held my Mama to an old way while her soul screamed for release.

My family couldn’t seem to see it? Mama all bound up? Wanting something new? So much so that’s she was blinded to her own souls call? Hell that soul has been calling me since we separated? Like tuning in my ears and cries I can’t sooth? We talk about the twin connection. And I have come out to say after 50 years that I am a twin survivor. With no proof but my gut and a connections to John. My brother.

I’ve got a connection to my Mama like many have. It’s like, moms always know when your sick. Right? She calls. Then listens to your voice. She says something like, “what’s wrong?” Right? Uncanny. My Mama felt that too. In trimmers and vibrations she couldn’t figure out? It’s could be because of relinquishing me? She was assured all was well. Adoption was fabulous? And we both would go on to live great live and none the wiser. Stop. That’s a damn lie. Right there.

And I am the proof. I was drawn like a moth to a flame back to my Mama. Listen. I prayed. Please don’t judge me. Going home is not easy when your adopted. No ones prepared for that. And that’s an issue for me? Like I have so much to share with my Mama? And everyone’s all jacked up about it? Sisters all seething and jealous? And my sisters have had her to themselves for years!!

I’ve patiently waited for a turn with my own Mama? When will this marry go round stop so I may have a spin with my queen mother? Huh?

People act like my Mamas supposed to be Wonder Woman or something? Popping out babies and never to return again? Like. Ok.

My Mama has her own house. She moved a while back. The girl except one and she not far, all moved to be by her? Near her? That’s how strong the bond is to our Mama? Why am I any different? You can’t train a natural urge that everyone has if they have a healthy love for themselves, to be near their Mama? Blows my mind to even have to explain such a basic concept, thats is omitted from my life just because I am adopted?

I still want to spent and time with my Mama. Seems like? My sisters could encourage that? That maybe they could see it would be beneficial for our Mama to sow and time with me? Instead of treating me like some assassin?

The only thing that was assassinated here is the delusion that it’s just three sisters? And it’s taken a while for that little bomb to explode? And blast away the scales from my own families eyes? 25 years working with family to learn how to realize a bond. Not to rebond? We’ve never been disconnected?

Insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result.

I waiting 20+ years to confront the delusions. And have shown up each day to communicate and guide us all back to our places. My chair has always been at your table. You all just didn’t realize it? And the last time I went to see my own Mama? She sat at the table and served me coffee with my son? Seems like maybe you all ain’t seeing?

Coffee is a drink of welcome last I read? Is it now poison? Like rudeness was allowed at Mamas that day? As I was called names? Told I was unwelcome? That shame is on you? What did you really think Mama thought about such a display? Hmmm? Poor woman’s? Tired.

These are concerns I have about it. Mamas home? Should be peaceful? Yes. I came to work at peacemaking? Sipping coffee and working it out with Mama? How does anyone ever get understanding without a good conversations? Do tell? I really don’t appreciate my sister flying over each time I come to call? Has she not seem Mama enough? Does she need to chase me off? Bark orders at Mama to go into the house as though she’s now some dog? And I am a hostile force of some sort? I do believe I brought gifts each time I came to call? Is that not well manors enough for you all?

I do wish to wrap this old nasty night of our souls up so the new chapter can begin. Maybe Victoria should be places in a time out? Seems she’s just taking over. Causing discention in the ranks? Hmm? I will be visiting more often. And would love to do fun stuff? But I do not have a tolerance for this at all anymore within my own family. These things needed addressing. It’s just ludacris it’s gone on so long. But? Live and learn and keep going.

You may be Adopted. But you can’t divorce your family? So why not just be who you are and make it better at long last. Standing up in the chair God made you to be. Standing up for the heart of your Mama. Who does want better from us all? Excuse me for making us all look bad. So sorry I woke you sleeping beauties up? This status quo sucks. Mine can’t be lowered. So step it up girls!!

You all think I’m bad? You really haven’t seen me and my kids all together now have you?? We are a machine. Unity. United even when y’all think we are not? Lol. Jokes on you all. So quite clowning around with Mamas life? No. She does not like it like this?

Now. Let me ask all of you? What are you going to do about it? My mamas just one Mama like this people? Yeah? There are hurting Mamas all over? Longing for their children? Longing to be understood and loved? My Mamas nor been happy with this like this? She just could see a way out? Or for change? That’s could be amazing? And Is amazing!

So? Being the daughter that I truly am? I faced all this rigamorrow, rolled up my sleeves after much prayer and followed the guidance through the darkness of misunderstandings and ignorance of what really was. My sisters didn’t know a thing? And Mama did know what to tell them? Had she even dealt with her feelings about me? Hell no she hasn’t? They we crammed year after year into her subconscious mind with no where to go to be even heard and validated? Sad. No Mother should have to do that and yet Bio Moms do.

Like no ones even cracked a book to look up about the reactions and side affects of relinquishment in the bio Mom? I have? Yeah. I have? The Book Primal Wound talks about it.

And my sisters haven’t even cracked a book? Sad but this is how it is? Lethargic families so out of wack and sync with the realities that are. Unaware of traumas that are? For lack of knowledge? Very upsetting. And I could not leave my Mama in the state that I was the issue of her trauma, I was a part of the trauma. Yes. I was connected to the trauma. But I am not the trauma. That’s how associates it is and deeply rooted in that knowing? But the trauma was relinquishment. Our connection was not cut, it was severed, torn, and altered which altered everyone else.

It was like a puzzle piece of my Mama was removed and it caused a affect on the whole puzzle of her life. I am the missing piece. And God’s places me back. And it changed it all. But what I see is beautiful. My family’s still mourning the old way. Stuck in a spin cycle of some sort? Maybe God is wringing them out? I hope so. This is taking forever. And I just want to go hang out with Mama for the holidays without any guff? Maybe go help teach cooking with her? Maybe do some bibles studies together? Pray. That’s would be so cool pray together. Enjoy on another without all the anxiety? It’s makes me anxious to go see her when my sister comes over each time and tries to play me out to be a villain? And all I wish to do is work this out and move on?

Mamas matter. And if takes me to stand up for mine to get this ball rollin. Then so be it. Pray. Go home. Do the work. Reap the reward of the gift of a Mama. Thanks.

Go buy this book and learn will you? Please.

The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child https://www.amazon.com/dp/0963648004/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_jeA.Bb8495CFJ

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Mama…

I just want you to know. I mean like breathing know. That I am praying for you. I am praying for you highest good. I am and will always be on your side. Even if I don’t agree with you always? I still show up to work to understand?

Do you realize how much I love you Mama? My love is not a love of an earthly form Mama? It’s boundless? Like God’s love? It is God’s love for you Mama? Right inside of me?

I want you to visualize it. See God’s love within me. See that the world and along the way somethings were just gathered around that love for you. Like challenging information like I’ve shared with you? Which affected my Mindset? Stay with me. It’s hard to explain. It’s a completely different way to look at the mind and heart? How god’s doing a work in me and showing you. So that you can learn and be wise as well. About my. Your precious daughter whom you love quite deeply.

And back to the heart. And God’s love within it. And how stuff just got wrapped and tangled around that heart? Lies. Junk. Habits. Behaviors. Coping mechanisms. That actually protected that love? Like thrones? I’ve had to feel this my whole life and yet to seek understanding to even be able to describe it. To you. My Mama.

I don’t care what anyone says. A child always thinks of her Mama and goes back to remember her words and guidance. Proverbs even states that we must wrap them around our necks! Our throats. And I am going to work out my Mama issues with you!! So you!! Can get to the other side to see!! How amazing this love for you is!! It gushes!! And I share it with everyone I know!! It’s glorious!! It’s beyond what this girl’s mind could understand? So I let my heart just take over? I just let my body go. Gave my thoughts about you and my hurt feelings about the lies spoken to me while you lived on without me. To God.

And God held them and caught all the tears as I witnessed what the world thought about you! And this love? Would not believe!! And God told me to tell you. To trust our connection is strong enough to make our connections open wide open. So that even here? That you would feel it there? And Mama. I’ve secretly loved you for years. You’re always been my secret crush.

And I want you to get ready if your not already feeling the flow of abundance coming Mama!! Fresh waters flowing towards you through me. I’ve busted the damn of emotions that held your mind captive playing a role

No longer befitting such a woman as you?

Like this is a total upgrade. With all skeletons out of their respective closets. A clean slate. And babygirl cleaned it for you!!

I am that good. Loud and proud here Mama!! I’ve worked to be able to say that. This ain’t no cheap shot circus show here Mama? This is healing on all levels. Mind body and soul!! The trinity in motion! Made in God’s image and likeness. Being used!! Like Jesus, yet not. A student of Jesus working and walking out her Jesus mindset!

Following God is fun!! That’s what happened to me when I was gone from you? I learned to connect to God. And god loves me so much. Which tells me God loves you so much! God is the party line operator Mama. And taught me how to connect deeply with your energies

I don’t care what anyone else thinks. This is about a Mother daughter connection that’s amazingly electric. Our connection is Hollywood worthy. And God is our agent for change. And we are already famous. No need to beg for anything.

Gramma R channeled divine messages Mama? I remember the letters she would send me? And that’s a gift? A precious gift? Those letters are guidance. That’s why I asked about them? To tell you to read them? When I feel something this strongly? I know? It’s God telling me to speak up? Because our relationship was stagnant.

And I feel so strongly about our connection. I would have dropped this long ago if this was not a strong feeling? And I admit. I fight it? I faith to surrender to my own will? But I don’t like messes either. And someone’s got to do something about this relationship? Hell yes! We are making the new script up as we go. Guided by the word and Jesus. Jesus is the agent for change.

Jesus turned tables over and was killed? For doing what? Telling his truth? Yeah? Yeah? Did you notice that little truth? About truth? And not rocking the boats? And casting nets on other sides of the boat? About feeding many using a child’s lunch to cause folks to unite and give so all could eat? It’s deep. Jesus was intelligent and submitted to the highest good.

Intelligent people are multi level thinkers. They are forward thinkers? Jesus was and is a forward thinker. Jesus changed it back in the day and we are still learning more and more within the scripture. To see, love is the lens we look through. Not mushy love? Strong love. Alive love. Growing love. Expanding love. Revelational love.

Did you think me a weed back in the day?

And did you pluck me from your garden of life?

It’s ok.

Back in the day people didn’t know!

What a weed is for!

And excuse me for being so big and strong?

Like most weeds are?

I just grew back to my root to let you know?

Your a weed too

Please stop cutting yourself off.

It’s killing your soul

So just put down that knife

And realize dear woman

I grew back to

Take that knife away

And help you heal.

It’s ok. This loves got you.

Just breath.

I’ve got you.

Now.

I’m stitching you up.

And kissing the places of the boo boos.

You’ll be better than new now Mama. I made it through this journey without you and still love you. Lol.

It is God. It is.

This nightmares over.