My heart. Heaven

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My Daddy sang country music. And my Daddy’s within me. And my Daddy says that I am the product of the heaven he felt with my Mama.

End of that story.

I am the product of that union. I am the heaven they created together. Pure. Filled with love. So much love it gave me the strength to go home and straighten my Mama out about it. To let her see what love did to me.

What gift was made from within here, is. I am her child grown. Pure. Loving. Strong enough to rebuke the lies, to set her free. To see me. To see heaven within me.

Our salts all ready to sprinkle.

Our salts all ready to sprinkle. So sprinkle that shit everywhere! Here. Instagram. At the store in line. Tell folks the truth and don’t hold any back. Be honest and kind for they know not what was and is done. They are blind and our truth will make them see. Be strong. Brave.

Each and everyone of us walks with the Divine. It’s we the army of the Trojan horse called Adoption that have outgrown the horse and are coming out of our darkness to speak what we, the silenced slaves witnessed from within such a war horse. It’s pure. Our@children within are armed with the cure. Truth.

Let’s just accept. That this is that far reaching to all generations! And keep working to change the truth to what we can clearly see and is within range to shoot for now that we all are grown. Let us not let ourselves down by just backing down. There’s no more room to stay within the horse. It’s time for war on the minds. And truth is the weapon. We war and wrestle not with flesh and blood. But with the mind to place our perfect truth to fix the glitch that has made them blind. The swords of truth we have held so long watch all this madness are sharp from experiences that cut away at us. We have evolved. It’s they that must do so now.

We are organic mammals!! With instinct in our dna codes from the beginning! Like hello? Dna is like a phone line to anyone within that can assist us to stay with our damn unit! We’ve waited for this day! To right the left! We’ve learn the lesson and now must teach. Truth. Facts. To make the blinded see! We are the living clay with swords of truth to cut so precisely at the mental blocks that keep frills from seeing what we have seen and see and feel? We are surgeons of the mind.

It’s time for us to take charge of this good ship lollipops! Lord have mercy folks up in this here are twackadoobled out! I don’t know if your were I am? But my Mama is always my Mama. Truth. Fact. Genetically coded to be!! And is! I’m an organic computer that folks can not reprogram. We all are divinely made. I’ve learned. Yes. But the basics always must remain. Mother boards are a basic need folks or no damn computer!! Hello!

I feel we are grown. Mature. We’ve had to many be the adults, with delusional said adults playing roles not cast for them. Screwing up the lines? Because ours are written on the damn hearts our Mamas and God made! Lord gets me going. Makes my blood boil and steam come out my ears! And I don’t thinks it’s just me. I feel connected to us all and especially mandated orphans of the courts. Cuz that’s where our records are folks. Sign into court mandated custody of another. Taken from our ‘mother units at a crucial age. Forced to grow up fast. Our Mothers lies too. A spell cast on them. Lies that we would be ok. We did not know a thing and would have no memories of the womb. Fuck you!! I remember!! Just get me and my Mama together! Damn it! Not even anyone denies it!

Mama Jean ain’t got shit to do with that. No offense. That’s all God and DNA. I was 30 when we met. Full grown woman. No Mama in site until then. And I got my spatial recognition once again. Bingo!! Click click click. Winner winner chicken dinner. Walking talking as I breath! Mama. My love. My hearts beat. My world beyond worlds. My mentor in dark times. My confidant. Because god is in her. And I spoke to God and called God Mama. As a child I overcame. I held onto Mama like proverbs says!! Around the neck! Wrap her there!!

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.

They are a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck

New Living Translation
What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck.

I wear my love for my Mama around my neck with pride. I look like my parents both and act a lot like my Mamas wild side. And her tame side. She’s my rock for god sake. After all has been said and done. She’s my queen. Always. I am unable to turn away from my own flesh and blood though she beat me dead. That’s how strong it is. I am the spirit of Issac after the goat was sacrificed. And I live. My Mama gave me to god and god brought me back to her.

I learned from my parents a hard lesson. And I am gonna teach you. Mamas matter. Ain’t no way around it. So let form a world around that and watch it grow! Stronger and stronger. Let’s not try to rip the chain on my neck off anymore. You can’t. It’s within me, it’s called DNA

Matthew 10:34

“Do not think that I came to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.

  • We wrestle with the mind. That’s where the battle always begins. Truth sets us free. Words have power. Love is all. I use my words wisely and guided by God. Cutting away what’s no longer right to expose room for what is.

Mama? You really test me. Max!

Alrighty then Mama? You want to play hardball? Alright? I don’t think you have the guts to play hard ball with me. But I am going hit it out tonite. And the whole world can read about it!

Maybe someone will give a shit and help me for god sake you won’t? You won’t even help yourself? By being who the hell you really are. My crazy ass Mama. Who’s all turned around and stubborn as hell!! Lord have mercy Mama! My god!! Awh!!!!!!!! Max is sick!! He’s your own grand dog!!

Hear. You all listen to him cry. Ok? I’m going through a divorce. My husband is filing the papers. And I am ok. It’s hard. Yes. To move on in love but I feel we are doing quite well. Working together right now for Max’s highest good. We all love him? Chelsie once loves him. I feel she still does? I feel she would be very upset to know he’s so ill? And angry there’s a money issue? I am selling all I can?

It’s complicated to be me. Straight up. That’s what I am telling you. It’s crazy being the daughter of two very powerful woman? I’m exhausted. Like love me will ya? For real? I’m right in front of your face and inside that beautiful head of yours you silly woman! No ones coming fronted you and lady? You ordered me. Yes. You did. I’m you all over and inside. Just wild and reckless. You know? The part of you that made me? And I am saying it’s 2018!! Lord have mercy woman? God loves you!! Get it through your beautiful hair!! Yes hair! Like let go and be who ya are? My Mama. Mama Jeans my Mama too. Why is that so hard? Let go of your damn hurt feelings. I am? I’ve asked you to call to initiate a truce. Lay your weapons down? Please lord Jesus this is embarrassing to have to bang the door down to wake your ass up!

But I guess I never liked morning anyway. Guess what? Mornings over girl? It’s night time so let’s party! We have the stars and moon to light the sky and there’s nothing to fear in the dark night sky. God’s within. Ok?

But listen to Max guys. I need some help fast. Thank you to anyone who feels inspired to help Max. I will let you know. I need this money they say at 6am? Or no surgery? I mean really? I don’t know how many vet offices tried to suggest just outing him? Maximo? Oh my god!

World? What has happened to you? What? Won’t do surgery? Still in 2018? Money first? Like wow! I’m stunned! I’ve been away from the medical field. And I think Gods showing me something. We got to go higher folks and you’re damn right I want your support of better treatment for us all? And taking care of our own? Remember that one Mama? Yes. I am upset at your actions. I love you and I know you’re just stuck in an old way of doing things. Fear not. Your orders ready. Me.

This picture above is Max with his lady love Layla. She might just be preggers. So Max would be a Daddy. They will have to muster him because of his prorate gland. It’s abscesses they say. His intestine prolapsed. His spirit is so strong. And I feel we can rally. But I’m kind of tired of going it alone. I’ve got three badass bitch for sisters on Mamas side? And yeah. I need them god damn it? I need all of your asses front and center!! Like yesterday? Hello? Is there a proper protocol for disguising things with you people? I thought we were family but maybe I am insane? Hell no. It’s insane we are still like this!

Lesson one!

Clean as we go! None of this blocking shit no more! You can thank Mama Jean for that lesson Mama. When you get your ass in gear and invite us up to visit? Tap tap? Is this blog working? Hello? Is anybody out there? Hello? Heeeeeelo?

Mama jean taught me in the kitchen no doubt! To clean as I go. I was a wild thing cooking. And she would clean as I went. Teaching me by example. I was the cleanest chef around and my area was always neat. So neat. I got shit for it? Yeah. People teased me for being neat and tidy and organize Mama? Can you imagine?

It’s all connected. Max. Me. You. All of us even if your brain can stretch to infinity like mine? Adoption expanded my brain? Now you know how far? I’m a big idea person. I look at a picture from God’s few. God’s view is visible if you believe god wants to show it to ya? Like lord that’s basic faith Mama? Just be crazy. And believe in us and God?

Baby? Your my gift too? Don’t even think I won’t crack all day for the gold of you just once more? I love you true Cowgirl. Your my side chick. I’ve taken you in my heart. And held all my joys and fears to share with you. And you acted? Kindly said in love? Like a damn chicken shit. You read that right Mama? You gave birth to your match and then some.

Don’t even think for a minute Phil is not helping me with you don’t even go there. He is. And you know it. Songs. And words say a lot. And your as keen as an Eagle with shit like that. I know you. My Mama. Wickedly amazing. Crazy too in her own way and I like it!!

Like I drove and spent money to go fight with you? Cuz that’s what we did? Like two Bantu roosters!! Coo coo! We be silly Mama. You and me. Silly sisters are we. Maybe Grammas baby’s spirit is in me too? God always send an angel back to do what she came to do. Love you. Is that to high a thing to believe? Are you to humble to look up and God and say thank you? For me? Come one now. We can do better than that. We all can. So I go. Fight with you. Cuz a fight with you is better than nothing with you woman? Daddy got that? Phil got that? Jack and everyone gets that?

Don’t you ever believe again I don’t love you do you read me chica? Yeah! And I’ll work on my cussing around you. Ok? I’m a handful. Just like you. Which make two name and you. Now please help me will ya? I really need this from you. I need You!!!! Come one now. Let go forward that old stuff gone now forget it. I’m back. Let me in or out. Whatever feels right. It I’m home. Always have been. But now for real. Real. Real me in. My arms are open. Revive it damn it?

Karmas taken care of. Grace is over it all. Forgiveness means we all learned our lesson.

Last lesson Is-

Full circle. No end. Connected always. Cycle of life. Children always come home. Accept the gift. And be blessed beyond measure. Give and it shall be given. I’ve given you a truth I guess only me could give. That’s my gift back to you. To wake you up to me. And to take you up and beyond the standard mind set of the days to see beyond now to what is coming and is already somewhere in time.

You know. I am left but still right. Give your devil her due. She’s worked for it long enough. Let bygones be bygones. Throw this into the sea of forgetfulness. I don’t remember reading the scripture that says to throw your child who is a gift into a sea of forgetfulness Mama? And obviously God has not put asunder what God joined together inside of you? No? I’m still going and loving on you? Yeah? I am. Over here waiting on you? Like everyone else? Waiting on Linda? I think I know you coming a mile away?

It’s kind of cool and I know it unnerves you? I love unnerving you. You are uptight babe? Yeah. You are? And that’s ok? Cuz it’s changing now? It’s changed. You don’t need to give a shit what folks says? It’s what you say that matters? Unless what someone says? Hits you as a truth inside yourself you see? We bump? You and I? Like a couple of rocks that spark when they meet. Blam! Sparks fly. Kind of like you and my Daddy huh? Yeah. I see how you look at me don’t lie? I’m so over it. You melt? And say I look like him? Lol. It’s cute Mama? I love that about you. You can’t lie to me. It’s just spit I. The wind. I watch how you act around me?

I think I freaked you out I was probably acting like him? Lord showed me? Yeah. I got so many message about you and Daddy? That’s a book itself? Lord? Mama?! I love that though. Really. It’s how we all get here. Love of some kind. Daddy was a fire sign. A mess. So where you? A hot mess of a woman. And he really love you deeply. But? And you need to tell me the story? Of the but? Why? The real story not that shit you’ve been dishes either? So done with that. Like get real man?

Your so freaked out? Yeah. I wrote that? What do you want me to say? I have to call and leave messages on a phone that the person who is my Mama won’t cal me back about? Or write here and hope you see it? Lord have mercy woman. With all due respect. Grow up! It’s sucks. The truth sometimes until it doesn’t anymore. What matters most? Pride? In what? This? Hell no?

It’s time to move forward. I have a great plan for us all and a vision. Hello? Not what you expected? Well get over it you were not what I expected to find either sister? Mother friend? Lol. Lighten up Mama. God’s getting us over this hump together? I like to share with you? Step it up girl! Babies home and she’s all grown up wants some pancakes! And coffee and your face!! To see! And Max to meet. He’s suck a good boy. He’s deserves to live Mama? He does. I wouldn’t beg you here if it wasn’t important. All of it. Me you. Max. Chelsie? Angela David, Vicki, liz, phyliss, and all the man folk even ex’s and cousins and nieces and nephews?

Yeah? I love ya? Like what the hello? Am I am making perfect sense? What daughter would think or feel differently because I need to speak to her? She’s crazy? Ok? You all matter. Adoptees matter. Their parents matter? Have you gotten the point yet? Actions speak the loudest? Let’s plan a meet? And then we can plan our next steps together and not here? Ok? That’s would be so nice to drink coffee and chit chat with you not acting all freaked the hell out about me like you saw a damn ghost or something? Like get a grip woman. Onto me. It’s ok? You can hold onto me now? No one said you couldn’t but you? Come on. Bring it in for a hug. You need one? I do too? Let’s hug? And kiss and make up now? I’m not going anywhere? Sep crazy without you? Is that what you want? Now let’s make up? It will be the best yet? God’s got this all covered.

I really tried

I really tried to like living without my Mama and family. But honestly. Who really like to be cut off from their Mama? Like really folks?

It’s like being forced into a third party situation by your own Mama and expected to be happy about feeling like a cheater? When the one you love is still alive and you just can’t get to them? Seriously dysfunctional at it best and worst.

  • I don’t hate anyone. I just love and want my Mama back. Am I supposed to keep saying a lie after all this time? I always have loved and wanted her? Guess she thought different?
  • I figure waking her up would and was the only way? It’s like my Mama went I to a deep sleep about me? Seems waking her up is the answer? Because I am her princess. Who needs a prince when she’s got me?

I love both now. But had to really work at expanding my emotions to create space for a woman I didn’t even know before Adoption. Ok?