People may wonder. This is why.

Having a Virgo for a Mama can be quite difficult. Just because I was raised by a Cancerian, does not mean I am all emotions. My Mama that I came from had a huge, huge impact on who I am.

All of the attributes of Virgo, are within me. And I am happy for that and really would like more of that. Like, I see how valuable my Mama is to my own growth and identity. That’s why I am giving my Mama the download. She needs to know exactly where I am coming from so she can see where I want us to go.

Trust is what I am working on. And also, getting my Mama over what she thought about it all. I kind of went there with my Virgo Mama. I have gone into her nightmare about me. Evidently, it’s mostly about my Dad? Lovely. I just love a bad reputation with my own Mama that was caused by my Dad in me.

Like what am I supposed to do? Just cut my father out of me? Can’t go there? But, my Mama can help me deal with these issue? Well, if she can ever see the use in doing so?

Who would not want their Mamas wisdom? And who would really want their own Mama to hold in her feelings from days gone by and let them block what can be? Being an earth sign myself? I feel deeply connected to my Virgo Mama, even though we don’t spend a lot of time together, when I met her it was clear how much of an impact she made on me.

Who would not want to get back to that kind of person? I get it. She’s just not sure? She’s not sure she can trust me. I’m like what’s not to trust? And if I am off? Well then tell me. Like 55 year without someone can cause some havoc. If Mama see something that need to be dealt with? Let do it! I am all in.

Being a Capricorn means, I am no slouch to work. I have a good work ethic and don’t back down when a job needs to be done. Emotions are not my Mamas strong suit. They are not mine either. That’s why I am showing Mama that it’s ok to express her emotions. Even if she doesn’t like doing that? That it is practical and useful to do it anyway. And that in the end balance will be restored.

My Mama doesn’t really know much about astrology and so that makes it difficult, but not unattainable. Because with God, all things are possible. Coming home after growing up in a home without open prayer, well, that’s a challenge that I am willing to overcome.

My Mama needs to accept the affect and lack of affect in my life. She need to see the affect on me of not having her to guide me, and see the affect of now being able to guide me. I am a handful. This is true. But I know she can handle me. She’s just got to see the use.

I didn’t see the use of finding her. Like, ok God. But why? But God showed me the use on the journey back to my roots. And this journey has had troubles. I’m in trouble now? I mean my Mamas not talking to me? To me? That’s trouble. There’s no lack of communication on my end? And there is on hers. It’s kind of hard to gain your true batting’s without proper feedback. I’ve only gotten a little feedback and I’ve had to navigate with only, snippets and crumbs to be able to address the issues in my families lack of healthy dynamic.

My family feels their are just fine. They see no need to learn about a woman they are tied to by blood? Seems so strange to me? I mean our Mama sent me to love a stranger? Right? Yes, she did. And yet my sisters don’t even know how to love their sister now strange? Seems odd? The shoe is on the other foot now I must teach the lessons I’ve learned living like our Mama wanted me too?

I am a teacher by nature. So, I go at it for the long haul. And I work for excellent results. So I go deep with those I teach. My family is no different to me except that I kind of expect them to rise, because as their sister I had to rise. As the sister who was removed and yet still deeply connected, I am reaching my family how to love a stranger whom they are connected. It’s way easier than what I had to do with My Adopted family. I had to work with my Adopted family.

Blood makes it easier to bond. It’s naturals. But bonding to someone you did not come from is difficult, but possible. It takes way more work than a natural bond does. You have to be commuted and stick with it. You have to explain yourself so they see how different you are. You have to stand your ground for yourself, because natures blood doesn’t connect you. You must go higher. You need God to do that kind of work.

And I believed my Mama would want me to go as far as I could and I have. But there is one place Mama Jean can’t seem to go. And yet the doors always open. It’s the room where the love for my Mama lives that fuels my existence. And God loves in that room with my love for Mama, cuz God’s the fuel for that kind of love. And I share it with everyone! My love for my Mama goes to everyone. It’s kind of cool.

She’s an amazing woman who’s blood runs through my veins. And yet I struggle to rebound with in life? It’s soooo complicated and yet simple. Reconnecting your Mama with the woman you came from within her is tough. She’s forgotten her? She doesn’t like her? But I do. I like her a lot. And most of my friends do too. They call on Mama all the time and I share her love with them and they feel better. Why would I not want to share her own love back to her?

This love is tough. Many have wanted me to give up on it? She’s my inner muse. She’s creative and funny. She’s witty and wild. She’s sensual and sexy and reverend and holy all at ones! She’s fiery and cold. She’s patient and bold. She’s prayerful and mindful. And a real quick study. She can change on a quarter because a dimes to cheap! She’s smart and kind and loving beyond all my wildest dreams.

The world told me different, I know my Mama within. She’s a class act. And she keeps my father in me in check! Trust that! It’s him in me that shows me when to leave a man! It’s him in me that shows me what men try to hide from woman. That causes lies and deceit. Where honesty should be. I’ve got wisdom from my father within and I use it to protect myself as best I can. Not knowing who you came from is hard. You really don’t know why you are as you are? Until you go home?

This journey home has been rough. It’s felt like Trying to enter the earths atmosphere with nothing but a tank top and shorts! But I trust my Mama implicitly and that she’s comIng up to speed with me. I’m not who she thought I was, not who she remembered herself to be? But she’s seeing herself her as I babble on down memory lane and put out those fires from days gone by. She’s seeing the light. No doubt.

Funny? Woman give birth all the time? It’s so natural. Normal? Look at all this writing? All this information? No one planned for this? No one even thought I might not agree? I don’t hate anyone. I just want people to see what is and was for me? Like doesn’t my life matter,? And why can’t we look at this and learn to do better by kids coming into this world?

No medical history?

No birth certificate?

No heritage history?

No behavioral history?

No mental history?

What is this world without history? Without history we learn no lessons? Without history who is anyone?

Thanks for diving deep with me to day

God bless ya

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