Above is a tarot reading for Capricorn. And it’s spot on. Rest, change and all of it. And I am confronting my Mamas demons. Evidently? And it has dawned on me, a while ago, that’s she thought at one time, that I was one of her demons. Not a nice thought to be hanging out in such a good woman. Nope. Not good. God tells us to guard our minds. Yes. God taught me that.
And I have been vigilant to guard my mind my whole life. I have poured the word and poured over the word since I came to knowing Jesus. Jesus has taught me much about living like him. My Mama gave birth to one of the strongest preachers to be trained by the most high alone. God’s been talking to me my whole life. But God did not shield me from the worlds poured upon me.
Being Adopted drove me to God. Again and again. Because I was lost without Mama. Lost. She lost me. She lost herself. She lost part of her precious soul. She’s about to get it back. Faith is the substance of what I speak of and the evidence of what Mama can’t seem to see? How ya like that paraphrase Mama? Hmm? Not bad.
God word is alive in me. And has identified the demons that are between us. I am not demon. I am an angel sent to you my dear woman, to battle the demons that lead you astray from your duty. I hold the keys and extend them back to you of your power. For this day. To honor the one I came from as God has taught me from conception. I know my places. And you are one of them.
I bow in respect to you as my Mama. I will not bow to any idea that separates us ever again. Now, with that said. Get your clothes. Get your dog. Tell Vicki to feed the kitties and whatever. And drive that beautiful self if you down to my place. You know where I am. Bring Chelsie Lynn. I’m done. Let’s move on. I am home to stay. Are you done with this yet?
Do can not hold onto a wound that has now had its medicine. Love is the highest purest medicine. And I have administered it to us. We are free to be what we ultimately are, mother and daughter now reunited and wholly joined with God’s night blessing. God is with us. There is nothing to fear any longer. It’s all going to work out fine. I’m here. And I get it. Your always safe with me, in my heart has always been a place for you.
We have been stuck in a way. Stuck being an old way. And Ive been mirroring it to you and you mirror to me. It’s so natural and beautiful how DNA is in family. Such a blessing to behold after feeling denied your own Mamas face to see. And to finally look at her, and see those things in you is a miracle. God blessed me so much when I got Mama back and it over whelmed me.
That’s when the change began for me. It’s began to grow within me. I didn’t know what could be? No one knew each other? No one seemed to care about each other and yet had been affect by each other. I was the only one who could see the pattern that connected us. It’s was like I was a ghost and God was taking to me about it only. Sacred and yet lonely.
My Adopted family by their actions made me feel small, yet I knew I was more. The community made me feel small and yet I knew I was more. Being a Mama made me feel small and yet I knew that being a Mama was the most important job on the planet. Like I said before. After loosing my Mama, everything was about Mama. I lost her? She mattered most. And that she was not truly dead meant I might get Lazarus moment if patient. To want something mean you can have it. But you must believe.
I walk by faith and not by sight. The lord taught me not to trust what I see as a constant the day I left Mama. I had nine months of security and Mama. Then I had to put on my big girl diaper and be someone else baby. Don’t even try to tell me that’s easy, cuz I lived it, it’s not. I yeah. I want what’s mine. And I’m asking for it. And I have a birthright to receive it and I’ve earned as well. I did not need to pay a dime for it! But I did, with my deeds of kindness to less fortunate people. As god is my witness, I am a servant by nature. God is calling me to lead.
The first place I must lead, was myself. I lead myself out of the role of Adoptee, back to daughter. Back to center. Back to Mama. Now I lead Mama out of Donor, back to Mama. I am grown and I am the results of what my Mama ordered from the universe. Apparently? Mama feels like she needs an tongue lashing? That’s what she gets for ordering that? She can order something else now that she knows?
Knowledge is power. And I’ve just given Mama a whole lot of power and she’s got to use it rightly. She needed this extra leg to ground her table of life. Now that I am back? She’ll be unstoppable. Mark my words.
I’ve been asked if I ever did acid? Strange question to me. So I ask God? “God, why is this question being asked?” Im told that folks who drop acid see vividly and abstractly. Like faces in wood and things like that? Makes me feel that God’s telling me Mama dropped acid while pregnant with me. It’s ok Mama. And she smoked pot and drank and smoked. And all those things are frowned upon. But I do not. And I am really who it mattered most too.
I am me. However I came and came back. I am always my Mamas daughter whom ever raised me. And it’s not hard to see her in me if you look beyond how I came to be. So. That’s what’s going on here. It’s one facet of a diamond of an idea like going home.
My Mama needs a whole lot of faith right now. And I am shining my light bright so she can find her way back to herself. And back to me her loving daughter who will never give up on her.
Thanks for diving at all with me.