I’ve been going through it. And have chosen to go through it publicly, and it a bit intense. Yes. But I feel strongly that I need to be the light to myself and to others in the world I grew up in, Adoption.
And it shows the fragility of the child when separated from their Mama. It’s shows the mental turmoil, and subsequent identity maladjustment of my life as I have worked to make sense of it all.
Adoptees have the added, bonus family, while still feeling very connected to the first family. And we feel the old energies we came into the world with our first families. And my life proves this, shows this connection. And the connections are fractured and bruised, in need of love and rejuvenation. No Mama should have ill thoughts or feelings towards the gifts that have been send through her and from her. No one needs to feel that way.
And I validate that I did. And that I’ve carried that energy from my past into my future because it needed to be processed and reframed for me. I needed to be able to talk freely about my feelings and have those feelings validated so I could choose another feeling to take it’s place. I need to unfurl all my wings so I could fly and so the truths that ultimately do not match who I truly am at the end of each day.
Being Adopted challenged who I was inside. Not being able to talk freely about it and feeling unsafe to speak freely about it caused conflicting ideas to war within for lack of being able to be let out without judgment. Even now, I feel judged by many family and friends. But that’s on them. Not me. Mine is here and covered by this confession one to many others.
I’ve come clean about how it felt and there is no shame in me now. I’ve owned my thoughts and feelings and purged them. It took much work to figure out what I felt and how to express such deep sorrows and griefs to anyone. I felt ashamed for loving my Mama like I do. And that is fucked up. No child should grow up that conflicted. And yet I did?
It’s taken much mental chops to stay afloat and to not loose myself in the narrative that’s not considered my feelings about the matter of being removed and thrown around like a rag doll. It’s taken much courage to confront this issue of treatment to a world that seems Adoption practices as loving. I see what you are working for, but we are not there yet. Adoption needs work.
The child’s need must be at the forefront. And to place the child’s needs first? Is to place the Mothers needs for mental help first. No mother should be counseled or agreed with that a child is a mistake. God always has a plan. Even now God has a plan for reconciliation for Mother’s and families back to their children.
But no ones looked at that angle, no one considered that we the Adoptees would feel so strongly about being moved around. No one could se our reactions because they did not realize they had cut us off from our base and left us to fend for ourselves. No one could see how alone we would feel and abandoned by our own kin and Mama. No one could see that we would suffer from a loose no one wants to recognize as being so. It’s a pigeon hole no child should be stuck in. And we need to recognize this and adjust to the new information coming to light as each Adoptee speaks their own truths from experiences.
People know the side that Adoption industries want you to see. I show people the side no ones seen until now. We are all grown up and can speak about it. Adoptees are a family of grown children who were taken from there families and raised by other families. We have experienced many things being demanded to do this by our own Mama’s. We have lessons to teach a world that’s blind to the importance of families ties.
My message is quite sharp. For I’ve sharpened my knife if truth a long time. I am one of the ones to pierce this veil of secrecy. There are many more who will cut the cancer out. They are getting ready now. And the Adoptee that now speak, cut the veil for them. Change is here. Because we are here to insure that change happens for generation to come.
Our losses will be tomorrow’s gain.