Mommies Dearest

An adoptee on Twitter shared this clip. And although this is Hollywood, the feelings are spot on. And I felt like the orphan in this scene many times. I felt abused and trapped in a world I did not agree with, nor condone.

All I wanted was my real Mama. And when I got home? She acted more like my Adopted Mama. And that’s crazy. It’s so upsetting to find your Mama to be so shallow a woman that can’t own your existence and can’t love herself enough to see me as her thrown into a lions den, who survived to climb out and go home?

Adoption is Madness. Like that.

I was struck like this girl. I was yelled at when I embarrassed my A Mom. I was shamed on a regular basis. Shame on you was a mantra for years, as I fought the poison that tried to Kill my soul.

It’s sick. Woman take ya home as babies thinking we will be like them, only to find our Mamas within us fighting back at them for mistreating their gift. Don’t tell me about forgiveness. Show me. I’ve shown you both much forgiveness for this mess of an idea with my life.

You’ll not succeed at keeping Chelsie from me. She does not believe me Mad and in time will see who the true perpetrators are who continue to act selfishly towards the child they have professed to love. Don’t think she will not see how you have treated me for my truth?

And I have forgiven you for these things that you couldn’t even see? But now you do. Now you can see all that I have had to overcome to come back to your door. Do not disrespect me. And I will not disrespect you.

Enough is enough. Have you had enough? Don’t even tell me I don’t know you. Don’t. I am angry at your actions. I love you. Actions are what you do. You are the one who’s actions hurt me. Change your actions and mine change too. But I will not back down on my truth and how I have seen and witnessed my own treatment by my now two Mamas.

Spank you! Not me for stepping up to point it out. Spank you for needing me too. But get up and brush yourself off and do the right thing now. Not yesterday rerun. Not what anyone else says. What would you want done for you? Would you want me to treat you like you’ve ignored me?

The time of ignoring and ignorance need to be over so we can explore our good sides. If I have hit every button then I get a prize. What prize? You. Not like this. You as my Mama who gave me away and thought I’d never come back. You seeing what a blessing that gift is. And us acting like Christ wants us to, real, honest, authentic. You can do that, your dying to do that!!

I’ve given you your rights back, hat never where gone except in your head and in mine. So, is this how you act like my Mama? Is this how you want to act like my Mama? Did you leave the girls crying for years and years and not smooth them? Well if ya did? Stop that. And if not, well what are you waiting for?

A babies come home and needs lovin? Is your Love tank empty? Lord fill it up! Overflowing! Running over! Give unto my Mamas bosom. Oh Mama? Seems like a scriptures coming true for you? About giving? God’s trying to give something back to you but your on gift output overload. Your empty and must be filled up and God’s got the woman, girls, and boy for you!

And I am not ashamed of it. I’m ashamed of a world that would cause me to feel shame about my Mama and not to go home to her because she doesn’t want me. Shame on you world!! That’s a lie!

God told me my Mama loves me. Lie can not stand in the presence of true love and must leave. Don’t even try to tell me I don’t know or love my own Mama! Don’t even try to act like you haven’t. Just forgive yourself for even being so turned around to think Mama could birth a child that would wish harm on her?

She’s been hurt for a long time. You all just got used to it. I refuse to leave my Mama like this. All torn up inside and feeling like a heel. Tortured. In denial of her own feelings when it’s clear to me? Crystal clear. And it’s so bad it’s coming out of me, her sensitive one who feels her heart always. She’s sad. Deeply sad. And in need of some attention. Emotional attention. Not fretful, fragile attention. She needs me to tend these wounds. And her residual grief with me, and Phil. She misses his terribly.

Mama. You need love. I see that. But your so damn hard on yourself and stubbornly independent. I get that. You don’t like to ask for help. It might cripple you. No it won’t. It’s won’t.

Please guys. I hate I have to come on here and do this, but somethings got to be done for Mama. And I am in the mix so we need to start acting like it. It’s very upsetting to her, but don’t keep this wound open? Use your Christian precepts? Like WWJD?

Well, I just turned the table over in the temple.

Now let’s work on this for Mama. Shall we? I’m getting tired of having to come on here and speak about this, I would rather report our new findings and how we all are doing so well? Wouldn’t you like to be this success story trying to be born here? Seriously.

I told you. I don’t back down when God tells me to do something and when enough is enough. I follow. And God is calling each and everyone of this clan higher. So step it up. Let’s get moving to a higher vibration

Chelsie Lynn? You know better. I sat down and look at you? This is a test darling. How are you gonna treat me? Hmmm? I’ve told my Mama the truth? What you gonna do? Don’t ever think I am not your damn Mama! Look at you! Your grown. And is this how you act? Towards your own Mama that kept you? While I scratch and scape at my own Mamas door? Telling her my nasty truths so she will let me in? Coming clean of my hoarding addiction of old nasty memories I wishes I never had? Tell me yours. And let us be there for one another.

I’ve cleared so much space away that there is so much more room for you and I to make better mementoes together. But you must purge yours too to have room for better in you of me? See?

I am your Mama. And this has been a test from God. How will your score look if you continue to deny your own truths about me that need to go! Lord, Jesus touch my child now. Reach down deep and stir that pot. Lord give her courage to come clean to her Mama now. Strengthen her. Allow her to feel my loving heart that forgives all that’s been done and learns her lesson from them all. Like I wish her to do as well as my daughter. Lord. Let Chelsie feel my love. I am a lioness. Own your actions and I will own mine. Let us forgive. And come together.

This is how much my family is worth. That I would go public to get them all to see many things. One person can make the difference. And I am that person. I showed back up! To my job as a daughter to my Mama. I took my right back.

And I could have just turned ya all on your ears and just moved back in? But I didn’t? Nope. I’d didn’t. I just kept knocking until, well, it was kind of like Jericho. Time for the walls to tumble down. Love that song.

The walls are down. And now you have to trust God family.

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