My Mama says I don’t listen. And yet. I have. But for all these years she’s not really been working with me? Like we hardly talk. No fault on anyone. That’s Adoption and navigating reunion is rough waters to anyone in varying degrees. Mine are extreme.
I’ve pushed the envelope. And asked for my birthright back from my Mana. Because it was taken from me so long I need help working into a close knit family that left me out of the yarn project of knitting me in? Even though I was always there.
I wasn’t visibly. And it hard when you find out your wrong and your Adoptee is right. That your Mama is not showing up to help you and your on your own is a big pill to swallow.
Is my faith not working? Lord? What’s wrong? I told the truth? I told it to Mama so she should be free to, take me back. But she not? Ugh. I don’t want to think about this anymore lord. My mind hurts and I’m all stressed out from believing in something that seem can not be?
What do I do now lord? Silence and tuning in my ears is all I hear. No words. Just a ringing that won’t stop. Lord. Help me get this please. I need your help to see, mama can’t seem to help me now? Or ever?
What now I pray. What now? Lord. I need a Hail Mary. I’m laying it all on you to help me rise from these ashes of an old me. Thank you.
I know. This mind of mine is strong. Help me let go of this dumb idea my Mama would know what to do for me. Help my mind open to other options and not miss your help. I look to you lord.
I’m tired of this life like this. My sons the only one really letting me talk about Mama to him. And I appreciate him. Lord. Bless my son.
My oldest doesn’t believe her Gramm cares either. I’ve lost hope. Please show me another way. Lord. Help me be the best me I can considering you know all I’ve been through and Mama doesn’t. I’m disappointed lord. Help me forgive Mama for not caring about me. And my family. And Chelsie. I forgive them all. They just don’t know.
But you do. Thank you for caring for me and not giving up on me.