To come home and tell your Mama she’s still your Mama. That’s the plan, failed. That I did not buy it. And that I just would like to be embraced like should be.
Babies cry. My Mama wasn’t around to hear and reply to my cries. I’m grown. This is true. But I owe it to myself, to the child within me to speak for her as best I can. This time. So Mama hears and understands what I mean.
You send me away. Me and Daddy. I came back. So. What do you think? You gave birth to an idiot? Seriously.
And you and I both know, you’ve held your tongue long enough. And when you begin to speak. I want to be first to hear it. Even if it hurts. I know you’ve got the medicine for me, just like I’ve got medicine for you. And I want to be the one to hold your hand and heart as you speak what you have held.
See I wanted my shit out of the way so I could help you with yours. I feel it is my destiny to return to you. And I won’t be deterred, not even by you. Don’t be scared of my love. Don’t be scared to love me.
I may look and have mannerisms like my Father, like I have written. But, I learned his lesson about you.
Change is never easy. You’ve seen me do it. Because I feel I was sent back to help you heal and speak up about it all. As far as you want to go, I want you too and support you too.
Even if I am never able to see you again. If this blog gets you help. Because, you hid me, you also hid how I came to be which means you’ve not processed that trauma. And I care that you also get help from me to move beyond the trauma of how I came to be.
I want to hear about how you made that most important decision and for you to feel supported when you do. From me.
Miracles come in many packages. God birthed yours for you in 1963. And I’m not gonna lay down and die just cuz your being stubborn and bull headed. I get it. It’s hard to comprehend from what you have been believing to see my truth.
And I will not cut you off if you tell me yours. I’m not going anywhere. You can send me away so I won’t see you anymore. It’s time to look at love. In me. Cuz it’s there. Stop doubting God.
I would like you, since you blocked me, to make the next move beyond this. As a sign you are ready to move on. As you can now see, nothing is really over until God says it’s over. So. Let’s approach the throne of grace together shall we?
I think God might like that since God sent me to you first. Xo.