Lord forgive me

Lord. Please forgive me for not liking Adoption so much. Forgive me for hating so much of it that rained on my parade. I want to be grateful my Mama didn’t want me. I do. I want to be grateful that some strange lady raised me, and that I call her Mom and secretly think about Mama. Forgive me for thinking about Mama so much. Forgive me for missing her. Forgive me for having an opinion. Like this isn’t a cross. Or is it?

Help me lord be grateful for this pain you gave me about it. Help me be grateful for feeling confused growing up. Help me be grateful for things that don’t add up and no one to help me fix it so it does. I want to be grateful. For what I have and yet don’t have. Forgive me for not liking this arrangement. Forgive my Mama for not wanting me. And forgive Mama Jean for not getting me. Forgive me for not getting them.

And please forgive me for being a bad adopted Woman who didn’t really like loosing her Mama.

Lord. I am so tired. Please help us change this. It’s just not fair to the children. It so hard growing up with so many gaps. Life hard anyway and then you take away a child’s true heritage and slap a new on on it? Lord. Forgive me. I don’t like it. Do you? Why are you sending all these babies to people that don’t want them and withholding them from some? Why are some babies precious? And some worthless?

Forgive me for not getting the joke Lord. I guess it was on me.

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